Sexual Assault Raped by my dad

[lonelyone82]

I was raped by my Dad when I was 16. It was horrible. This may be to graphic for some people to read, but he used a spiked sadistic sex toy on me while raping me. He also made my mom watch what he was doing to me. I later found out that he raped my mom all the time and used the sex toy on her for punishment. I became dissociated after this and forgot most of it. I now recovered the memories. I can't work due to all of this and am on disability. I have complex PTSD from this abuse and others that I have endured. I get depressed a lot but am currently taking medication. I need more help than I am getting though and I was recently retraumatized by psychiatry. I was arrested and hauled off into a mental institution where I was called Bipolar and injected with heavy duty anti psychotic medications again my will. They injected me in the butt and my whole body went limp after. Since I have been out of the psych ward I feel sick and like my will is broken. I have gotten off of the heavy duty anti psychotic that were putting me into a brain for but I feel upset and broken. I am hoping I can get more help for this. I am seeing someone but they aren't a psychotherapist and I have an appointment with a counsellor on Sunday but it is for "employment readiness" and It's with a male so it might turn out to be a disaster. I think I will get help to find a proper trauma therapist to try to salvage the rest of my life that I have left. I don't really feel safe and feel like I have been grasping at straws. I will put my plan for help into action though and hope for the best.

 

[Daydreamer]

@lonelyone82, it is such a horrible story. I am sorry it happened.
I think, no matter how old you are, that it is never too late to get help and fight for yourself. You have been through a lot, but you are motivated and taking good steps towards reclaiming your life.
I wish you the best in looking for a therapist and moving forward.
You are strong and brave and you can do it.

 

[lonelyone82]

Thank you. I will try my best to continue on and get proper help for the abuse. It's hard living with the memories and feeling so alone all of the time. I will find some proper help.

 

[Lamename01234]

I am sorry to hear about your experiences. I live with recovered memories too that haunt me. I encourage you to find a therapist. Are you in the United States? Do you have access to therapy?

 

[Lamename01234]

Posting on here is a great way to start getting support.

 

[Sideways]

I think I will get help to find a proper trauma therapist to try to salvage the rest of my life

This is so important. And it’s not just the immense help you will get to recover. But also, because it makes a powerful statement to yourself, which it sounds like you need right now: I deserve to heal, I deserve support, and I deserve to claim my life back. So do it, for you, because you deserve it.

Welcome to the forum:)

 

[Muttly]

Welcome to the fourm. I am so sorry you have been through all of that. Posting here is a good way to reach out for support. You'll find a lot of wisdom on this site. Finding a trauma therapist has made a huge difference in my life. I hope you can find one to help you.