Rat Analogy And Over-stimulation

[Badger]

Dissociated1 I disagree with your writer Shengold who says victims of trauma are more likely to inflict it on others. I think thats a dangerous story to tell, because it is one thing, out of context. People who have received treatment for their abuse are no more likely then anyone else to go onto become abusers.

 

[99Phoenix99]

This is a really interesting thread to me.

I've always considered myself as a lab rat. My trauma stems from medical problems. I was literally experimented on, to an extent I still am, because of the peculiarities of my health. It started when I was 15 and now at the age of 23 I'm starting to realize the repercussions on my mental state. There were procedures where I needed to remain conscious but ended up blacking out from pain, went into shock, and or had my blood pressure rise and drop like a yo yo.

Torture and deprivation under conditions of complete dependency elicit a terrifying combination of helplessness and rage- feelings that the child must suppress in order to survive. The child therefore denies or justifies what has happened, deadens emotions, identifies with the aggressor, and even takes on the guilt that is appropriate to the tormentor

This passage here speaks to me the most. Because up until about a year and a half ago I did deaden myself. That's how I survived. My memories were repressed and I dissociated all the time. I did this instinctually and was completely unaware of it until recently. And it wasn't until I realized this, that the feelings of rage and helplessness as well as an overflow of repressed memories took over my life. Honestly, those feelings and realizations crippled me for a long time and there are days where they still do.

I'm going to need to check out the two books you've both mentioned because... I feel like that's my life right now.

I'm really glad I found this.