Re-examining

[abbynormal1929]

hello fellow "myptsd" account holders.

I had posted a while ago that I thought my then fiance, now wife was emotionally abusive, using mostly guilt to control me. After that things settled down and I thought maybe I had jumped the gun, or was seeing something in my own life just because I had read about it. Now we're married and she seems worse. Last night she criticized me for going to bed too early, because she wanted to stay up to "delay having to go to work tomorrow." I tried to sleep anyway but I couldn't. Earlier today she yelled at me for being too quiet. And now I even find myself job hunting for jobs I know she would approve of. Without getting to specific she's ranting about my best friend regarding political differences expressed on Facebook. I told her I thought she was right even though I can empathize and understand where my friend was comming from.

Main point: I thought I was done with these kinds of relationship issues. But I can never seem to relax emotionally. And one of the worst parts is that if I try to tell her about a crappy day, or something I'm upset about, she has to cut me off and tell me how she has it worse.

I don't want to leave her, but she refuses therapy, and any time I suggest it she very aggressively accuses me of not being happy with her, and wanting to leave her. She has an innate ability to interpret everything I say as wanting to leave her. And when she's upset or sad in general about something that has nothing to do with me, if I try to comfort her it makes her mood worse. But as I mentioned she yelled at me for being quiet too.

Anyway I guess I'm venting, and going over the same patterns again. But my therapist moved away, and I'm having trouble arranging an appointment with a new one... so here I am...

Reply if you like, no pressure though

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Welcome!

And one of the worst parts is that if I try to tell her about a crappy day, or something I'm upset about, she has to cut me off and tell me how she has it worse.

I used to do this, a lot. Not to say i had it worse but I'd cut people off and talk about myself. I did it here a lot too. I did it, I think, to show I understood but it was hard to stop. I had to see what I was doing (as I had no idea I was doing it) then practice not doing it.

So it's possible she has no idea she's doing it.

She has an innate ability to interpret everything I say as wanting to leave her.

Abandonment issues?

I do this as well.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Has she even seen a therapist? Is she diagnoses with anything.

Maybe some books until you can find a therapist?

 

[abbynormal1929]

Never diagnosed, refuses therapy. Though has a history of emotional and physical abuse by her dad and x husband.

 

[watundah]

Are you open to couples counseling?
Are you able to express your feelings about how you would like to see your relationship improve?
Are your needs getting met?
Can you talk about those things?
Agree she may have abandonment issues and may be manipulative as well. No marriage is perfect but we need to be able to be ourselves, even if it means being a quiet person.

 

[EveHarrington]

She refuses to go to therapy.

You don't want to leave her.

There is only one conclusion.

You need to learn how to cope with being abused.

 

[dulcia]

she very aggressively accuses me of not being happy with her

But you don't seem happy, so..... :(