Reaching Out For Help

[MoeX]

Hello,

I have been through what sounds like almost the same situation except I am the supporter in my relationship. Trust is such a hard thing to regain once its been lost. There are times I feel that I am all out of forgiveness and can’t continue. Somehow I stay even when its against my better judgment.

That being said you need to take time to think how she feels and why she is doing what she is doing. Her still being willing to spend time with you is a good sign. Just as you need space you need to give her space. I think it would be a good idea to encourage her to learn about PTSD. Direct her here so that she can begin to understand as well as grow a support system.

 

[jmm214407]

I take her 1 rose every day. I drop it off and leave is that to much?

 

[MoeX]

I take her 1 rose every day. I drop it off and leave is that to much?

In my opinion no. If you have doubts the best thing is to ask her. You may also try to learn about the 5 love languages. I read the book and explained to my SO what I need to feel loved and he tries hard now to give that to me even tho it is a bit out of his comfort zone.

 

[jmm214407]

See my problem is that she doesn't want to try. She doesn't want anything. She doesn't want the flower. I still take it and she takes itbut ssays not to. I'm so confused. Parts of me want to stop but then parts don't. And the only reason I would stop us so I don't drive her away more. I don't think she's evenreading the book the ththerapist gave us...

 

[MoeX]

In that case no matter how hard it is you need to respect her wishes. Continue to focus on getting you better. Stay away from the behaviors that made her feel the way she does now. Prove to her that you can and will be better for the both of you as well as the baby.
Hopefully with some time she will be able to forgive and want to try again. There really is no forcing it until she comes to her own conclusion.. My guess is she is just as confused and unsure of her next move as you are.

 

[jmm214407]

I guess I forgot to mention we lost the baby after 7 1/2 weeks. :'( hopefully your right. I guess I'll back off her for atleast a couple weeks or a month. I just want to be with her for Valentine's day. That's right when i fell for her last year.

 

[MoeX]

Im sorry to hear that. You sound as if you are on the right path. Thats awesome. :)

 

[jmm214407]

I'm trying to do my best.

 

[Hashi]

I have a book "courage after the fire" in that book it explains how all these things I did are common and not as bad as other cases out there.

I don't know the book, so I'm taking your word on this. I'm also guessing that maybe the book doesn't leave it there. What does the book say you should do?

I'm not trying to use PTSD as my way out. Its just really hard because that's where the source is.

OK, got that. PTSD is the source. Where's the solution? Not in PTSD - I don't have combat experience but I have PTSD so I can tell you that about the condition. So, PTSD is what got you here. What next? What's the plan?

 

[jmm214407]

Its a good book. It basically tells how to fix things that you are struggling on. For example how you discipline your kids. Or how you feel the need tp lie to get out an isolated situation. and how to control your anger... my next plan is to get better. Continue my therapy and group classes. And continue reading books and articles that cam help. And ultimately I want to get with her back. I love her with all my heart and I will never hurt her again as long as I live. I just have to do everything in my will. you have to stay focused in what's really important to you. Shes my main reason. But it sure would be nice to not have to feel the anger and pain that PTSD causes.

 

[Lost Again]

You will never hurt her again as long as you live? That sounds unrealistic. What if you do convince her back in the relationship with flowers and unlikely promises only to disappoint her again?

 

[jmm214407]

Unrealistic is for those who don't care and open themselves up to situations that can cause pain. But I was once a damn good man. I know with the PTSD being gone that Iwil l never hurt her as long as I live. She makes me happy its time I repay the favor. My heart and mind are focused on what's important. And that's my family and god and her. And there's no temptation worth losing all that.