Reaching Out To Figure Out Where I Stand

[porcha]

In May of 2013, I was in a motorcycle accident. I had tons of broken bones, several internal injuries, and a brain bleed. The doctors gave me 1% chance to make it. As of this post, I'm around 85% back to before, and back to work. Upon awakening from the coma,I immediately forgave, in my heart, the woman who hit me, but I feel like I need to sit down with her and unload my feelings. I have had no one to talk to who can truly empathize, and I've had my wife and some friends express deep concern. I have 0 patience, and rage issues. Also, depression has returned with a vengeance. Before the accident I would feel a dark "cloud" coming on. I would be aware of it, realize that nothing had actually changed in my life, and that it would pass in a day or 2. This would happen 10 or so times a year, and I was well rounded otherwise. Now the "cloud" come much more frequently and lasts far longer. I have a history of depression and despised taking Prozac as a teen. I haven't done much research, so I am not certain if this could be PTSD related. Also, my teenage cousin just committed suicide, and I'm having an especially rough go of it right now. If anyone would like to share their thoughts/reactions, or has any tips, I welcome any and all responses.

 

[open eyes]

I've never been good at advice, but I do have a few thoughts about your situation.

It's easy to become bitter & vengeful with everything that you've been through. If you let that anger take over then you will start to lose yourself. Be stronger than that.

 

[It's all my fault]

Porcha,
I'm so sorry you've been going thru this. Lots of stressors for sure. I'm sorry for your loss of your cousin. My son had a traumatic brain injury in September and is continuing to have difficulty with emotions. Brain injures take a long, long time to get better fully but it sounds like you have already progressed. What type of support do you have? I hope your continuing to see a specialist as well. If your in the US, the brain association of America has lots of support. Every state has its own chapter. Good luck!

 

[SeanCharles]

Hello! Wow! You've definitely been through quite a lot. I'm deeply sorry for your situation and finding this forum will, if you let it, help you on your life journey during this extremely difficult time.

I haven't done much research, so I am not certain if this could be PTSD related.

I unfortunately can't answer that since I am not a professional myself. I know that someone else may be able to at least shed some insight on this. I do have a question, with regard to this, Are you currently seeing any kind of professional? If so, they should be able to answer this. If not, then what is the possibility of being able too seek professional help?

Suicide is never the answer. I know that losing someone in this way is the worst grief one can experience compared to the other forms of grief from the loss of someone close. I say this because of my own experience and hard work I have done with a past grief and involvement in a grief peer support program I was a part of years ago.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Hi @porcha and welcome to the forum. I am obviously not qualified to make any sort of diagnosis or confirm or deny whether you may have PTSD or not. However, to me what you describe here sounds more likely to be attributed to the brain injury you suffered in your accident.

I can relate somewhat to the things you mention here, as I suffered what they termed a, "severe concussion and subsequent TBI (traumatic brain injury)," almost 8 years ago. Changes in thought processes, difficulty with word recall, a blunted affect, a shorter fuse, higher propensity for depression - these are just some of the changes I've had since my injury. I too, have suffered with depression since an early age. It is my understanding that individuals with a history of depression have a higher likelihood of struggling with it more so following a brain injury.

If you haven't already done so, I would strongly recommend you consult a neuropsychologist or neuropsychiatrist. They could offer some helpful testing and evaluation to help you determine whether your symptoms may in fact be a result of your brain injury, or PTSD or something else all together.

I wish you luck and much healing on your journey.

 

[Justmehere]

A TBI, Traumatic Brain Injury, alone can make it harder than average to regulate emotions. You could have PTSD from the life threatening injuries. Grieving the loss of a loved one also often involves anger. There are a lot of reasons you could be feeling the way you are. Depression can at times increase irritability.

Have they done a neuropsych eval related to your injuries?

Have you seen a counselor recently?

 

[porcha]

I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to chime in their thoughts & support/suggestions. I haven't seen any therapist (other than physical/occupational) since my early teens. I never really considered the possibility of tbi. Definitely sounds like something to look into. I'm the sole income of a family of 4, have no insurance, and am truthfully just afraid to try to deal with the hassle of trying to see a therapist. All excuses I know, but seemingly valid on my good days. Already this site has proven to be welcoming and beneficial. I'll be sticking around for a bit

 

[Justmehere]

If your other care was covered by someone's (yours or anyone's) auto insurance, then seeing a neuropsych or a psychologist for the possible effects of a traumatic brain injury may be covered too. It might be something to ask your doctor about the next time you happen to see one.

If you are in the United State, another option to try is the county mental health center or local United Way (they know of options for low cost counseling in many areas).

It could really help, but I can also understand if you are not ready right now. Either way, I'm glad you are here on the forums!

 

[porcha]

just an fyi update: today was gorgeous, fun, and productive. If every day was like this, my life would be as close to perfect as one could get:)