Recently I've been told that my med provider will no longer see me since I don't live in area. So, I have in my possession my med records. I contemplated whether or not I should read them knowing it could be triggering. But, I couldn't resist. What a long road its been and unfortunately it continues. Currently I'm diagnosed with more diagnoses including DID. I can see the red flags indicating having it for years but no one else did. Has anyone else read theirs?
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Reading your own medical records...
- Post starter Punky143
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UnicornSightings
Platinum Member
I actually really want to read the records my therapist keeps on me. Soooooo much sometimes. She said I could (it's the law anyway) but that she would prob want to go over it with me (prob so I don't twist what she's written and get unnecessarily offended). She would also most likely as why I want to see them and that's why I don't ask. So I can see what she thinks of me. It isn't about that or her perspective it's about mine. She's been trying to drill that in my head. But still, I'm very curious because what if there's something in there I don't know about myself? That would be fascinating. Or horrifying.
barefoot
Diamond Member
I read mine last year - there was something I couldn't remember properly and felt uncertain about, which was related to what I was trying to work on in therapy and that haziness was really getting in the way. So, I requested a copy of my medical notes to see whether that would clarify things for me and help the confusion.
It was my GP medical records (not notes from a therapist etc), so there wasn't much in the way of mental health stuff in there. Only a period in my twenties when I was diagnosed with depression and worked my way through three or four different types of anti-depressants.
I found it interesting to read some of the doctor's notes in relation to her experience of me as a patient. She had made a few comments about finding me difficult to read and that she suspected I was not being completely honest and was instead playing down my symptoms etc. It was interesting but at the same time slightly unsettling too because it made me feel that I had sat and willfully manipulated her. And that wasn't really how it was, I don't think. But reading that was...well...there was a lot for me to reflect on.
I am glad I read mine because I did get clarity on the issue that was causing me some difficulty. Though the discovery I made that clarified things for me wasn't what I expected, so that became its own can of worms! So, the fall out from that was quite hard.
I also felt a bit...sad...I think....sad reading the notes because it made me realise just how many times I had gone to the doctor at a certain point and I remember still how bad I felt at that time...but I had obviously felt unable to express that to the doctor. So it was quite hard seeing that...seeing how I knew something was wrong and I was trying to seek help/trying to have someone know that...but then ultimately I couldn't sit and tell them honestly how I felt.
How do you feel now that you have read yours?
It was my GP medical records (not notes from a therapist etc), so there wasn't much in the way of mental health stuff in there. Only a period in my twenties when I was diagnosed with depression and worked my way through three or four different types of anti-depressants.
I found it interesting to read some of the doctor's notes in relation to her experience of me as a patient. She had made a few comments about finding me difficult to read and that she suspected I was not being completely honest and was instead playing down my symptoms etc. It was interesting but at the same time slightly unsettling too because it made me feel that I had sat and willfully manipulated her. And that wasn't really how it was, I don't think. But reading that was...well...there was a lot for me to reflect on.
I am glad I read mine because I did get clarity on the issue that was causing me some difficulty. Though the discovery I made that clarified things for me wasn't what I expected, so that became its own can of worms! So, the fall out from that was quite hard.
I also felt a bit...sad...I think....sad reading the notes because it made me realise just how many times I had gone to the doctor at a certain point and I remember still how bad I felt at that time...but I had obviously felt unable to express that to the doctor. So it was quite hard seeing that...seeing how I knew something was wrong and I was trying to seek help/trying to have someone know that...but then ultimately I couldn't sit and tell them honestly how I felt.
How do you feel now that you have read yours?
The last time I was able to access my medical records online, I was shocked & dismayed by with number of mistakes it contained. I tried to have the aid amend it with correct dates & all of the medical maladies I had as a child. They never did & now I cannot access it because the doctor quit & took my records with him! I can only hope the SSI people have my true records on file. One of the reasons I gave up on the medical world. They hire a lot low IQ workers & pay them low wages.
I was disappointed that I could not access my mental health records from the institution I was court ordered to go to as a teenager in the 60's. They could only tell me that I was on the list as having been previously admitted to their facility for observation & treatment. So, it's all in my head & I try to write about it as much as I can in case I am unable to remember in the future, as I age & my health declines.
I was disappointed that I could not access my mental health records from the institution I was court ordered to go to as a teenager in the 60's. They could only tell me that I was on the list as having been previously admitted to their facility for observation & treatment. So, it's all in my head & I try to write about it as much as I can in case I am unable to remember in the future, as I age & my health declines.
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I'm uncertain how to describe what it felt like reading them. In the 10 yrs worth of records, some things sadly remain. I can also look at it as making progress. What I'm not a big fan of is being accused of putting "nips" in my drink after leaving appt. I know I have many different parts but I'm 110% sure the person reporting made an error as I have never done that and have always hated alcohol. Oh well, what's the point of bringing it up now?
I didn't tell my T I would read the records. I see her on Tuesday and really dread telling her. But, I have a right to no matter who I am.
I didn't tell my T I would read the records. I see her on Tuesday and really dread telling her. But, I have a right to no matter who I am.
I have read my medical records. I have moved across the country twice, and have learned the hard way that can be difficult to access records once you are out of the local area. You are then at the meecy of a stranger on the other end of the phone to locate and identify the records you are seeking. At one point, it took me over six months to access critical test records for a medical condition, which consequently delayed my treatment and prolonged my misery. As a result, I now request a copy of all test results as I walk out of my doctor's office (the day that i get the results). I also request a copy of the notes from the previous visit. A vast majority of the time, most offices will provide this information free of charge (particularly if you ask the doctor face-to-face before leaving the exam room). If you wait to request the entire file of records, you generally have to pay. I now have a complete copy of my medical records. And yes, I have read them. It is interesting to note the different styles and details in their note taking. I have not noticed too many mistakes, however.
As for my counseling records, this is another matter entirely. I have never been allowed to carry those out of the office. I do not have any copies of them. I did ask my therapist to see them. It took two sessions of working our way through my need to see this information, and lots of CBT triangles drawn on a white board, etc. What it boiled down to was a trust issue on my part (or a lack of trust), and my need to mind read. It boiled down to me needing to see them because of my fears of what he thought about me. In the end, he opened his laptop, and we sat together and read them. For the most part, they were vague and very brief summaries of previous visits. There were really no surprises, although I still had difficulty with some of the content. It was the same content that I had difficulty with in session.
He explained, as did a previous therapist, that they do not like to keep extremely detailed records for legal purposes. They feel that confidentiality can be breached if the records are requested by court order.
That being said, last week, we went over some notes from a different therapist that were incredibly detailed. I guess it depends on the practice.
In the end, I'm not sure what I have gained from knowing. I guess i have realized that all of the awful things i assume they are thinking about me may not be so. If they are, the notes do not reflect it. I think that with the CBT guy, it allowed me to establish a little more trust. With the other therapist (the one who wrote EVERYTHING and then some), maybe less...
This is probably not much help. But you are not alone in wanting to read your records.
As for my counseling records, this is another matter entirely. I have never been allowed to carry those out of the office. I do not have any copies of them. I did ask my therapist to see them. It took two sessions of working our way through my need to see this information, and lots of CBT triangles drawn on a white board, etc. What it boiled down to was a trust issue on my part (or a lack of trust), and my need to mind read. It boiled down to me needing to see them because of my fears of what he thought about me. In the end, he opened his laptop, and we sat together and read them. For the most part, they were vague and very brief summaries of previous visits. There were really no surprises, although I still had difficulty with some of the content. It was the same content that I had difficulty with in session.
He explained, as did a previous therapist, that they do not like to keep extremely detailed records for legal purposes. They feel that confidentiality can be breached if the records are requested by court order.
That being said, last week, we went over some notes from a different therapist that were incredibly detailed. I guess it depends on the practice.
In the end, I'm not sure what I have gained from knowing. I guess i have realized that all of the awful things i assume they are thinking about me may not be so. If they are, the notes do not reflect it. I think that with the CBT guy, it allowed me to establish a little more trust. With the other therapist (the one who wrote EVERYTHING and then some), maybe less...
This is probably not much help. But you are not alone in wanting to read your records.
UnicornSightings
Platinum Member
Mine will ask if she can print certain ones to refer to in session. I would think otherwise she would just put in her notes things that are really important to remember.
whiteraven
Diamond Member
In terms of therapy, I haven't. My psychiatrist of 14 years terminated me and all he provided as records to my current therapist was a summary of about 3 pages which was basically nothing and said the others were no longer available. I guess the notes from my other therapists and this one are available, but I think it would upset me too much to go over them.
I've read medical records, but honestly, every time I do, I find errors (like real, genuine errors, or things nobody every told me - one time, I discovered in lab results and notes that I had been diagnosed with chronic kidney disease 2 year prior, but nobody told me). I've read surgery OP reports, found out my GYN left a pair of scissors inside when he did my hysterectomy, discovered my neurosurgeon applied a synthetic dural patch when he did my brain surgery instead of the bovine one he had told me he was going to use (which I had actually requested - the synthetic one - but he didn't tell me, and when the bovine patch is used, you can never give blood and you have parts of another being in you, so for a vegan that's a HUGE issue, so if I hadn't read by report...). I request ALL reports of all procedures and visits and read those, to check for errors and to make sure I didn't miss anything, but therapy is so subjective, I know it just won't make a difference reading it, and it will just upset me.
I've read medical records, but honestly, every time I do, I find errors (like real, genuine errors, or things nobody every told me - one time, I discovered in lab results and notes that I had been diagnosed with chronic kidney disease 2 year prior, but nobody told me). I've read surgery OP reports, found out my GYN left a pair of scissors inside when he did my hysterectomy, discovered my neurosurgeon applied a synthetic dural patch when he did my brain surgery instead of the bovine one he had told me he was going to use (which I had actually requested - the synthetic one - but he didn't tell me, and when the bovine patch is used, you can never give blood and you have parts of another being in you, so for a vegan that's a HUGE issue, so if I hadn't read by report...). I request ALL reports of all procedures and visits and read those, to check for errors and to make sure I didn't miss anything, but therapy is so subjective, I know it just won't make a difference reading it, and it will just upset me.
DharmaGirl
VIP Member
I read my therapy notes, and I realized that that T was a caring T working hard with me to get me well. I'm glad I read them.
I had my medical records from age 4 to 20 from growing up on military bases. Had them since I was 21 but only read through them about four years ago. Two people within that sixteen year span made all kinds of notes about indications of sexual abuse but nothing was ever done. One person was an optometrist when I was 15 and one was a nurse when I was about 7. Nothing ever done. Reading was incredibly difficult and took a couple of years to integrate but the very early stuff really backed up my 'rememberings' that aren't quite memories.
Haven't read my psych records.
Haven't read my psych records.
UnicornSightings
Platinum Member
Did you guys get anything really helpful or insightful from your therapy records? I think I'll ask for them tomorrow. Maybe she has seen things I haven't and that could help.
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