Really Insulted

[digger]

I would feel insulted by the aunt who made the babysitting comment and has cancelled. The timing for the other aunt to visit, unless it is to help you as a new mum, does seem impractical. I would be inclined towards persuading her to postpone if possible, maybe suggesting that you would really like to be able to show her places and spend some quality time with her when she does come as you don't see her that often, but you're worried that is going to be hard with a brand new baby and would she prefer to reschedule for later in the year?

 

[blackemerald1]

@Casey_03 I still think there are too many unknown factors in this proposed visit.

Can you ring, email her & get some more definitive intentions on what she plans to do?

I agree with you, as I have already said, you cannot be a tour guide. But, maybe she doesn't want you to be a tour guide. You know so little about her intentions but speculate the worst. Like I said, you know her. I do not.

Based on that alone, I suggest instead of wasting energy & time on whether you should feel insulted. Spend more on speaking/writing to her & finding out the facts.

Then you may be able to make an informed evaluation on whether or not it is appropriate for her to visit. But, do not burn bridges from some sense of 'righteousness indignation'. Particularly, when you have either not told us, or have not enquired about your Aunts intentions.

Being alone with a baby is not glamorous. It's hard bloody work. You will wonder in hindsight many time's after this child is born..."What did I do with my time before..."

If you imagine you will be in bed breastfeeding a contented little babe. Think again. Who is going to feed you, wash clothes, pay bill's... all of those little things start to encroach on your desire to sleep.

Many parents know the mind numbing, inescapable crying a baby can keep up while you try to soothe them. Checking if she/he is hungry, too hot, too cold, nappy, has wind & on it goes...

So, one Aunt has opted out because you think she thinks you have some expectation of using her as a baby sitter, and you wondered if you should be feeling insulted?
Now the other Aunt still wishes to visit and you think she thinks you are going to be a tour guide!

@Casey_03 give yourself a break. Find out what is her intentions. She may need some help translating something she is doing on your behalf! Or a myriad of other things that you might just find so helpful.

This precious little child deserves the best. So do you. Find out what is the best. Then, act accordingly.

 

[Casey_03]

@blackemerald1 Well, she has said directly her intention is to "see the city" and "visit Ukraine." That was her response when I asked her what she wanted to get out of the visit. But I thought at first that she may have been masking her true intentions (to help with the baby, or at least see it), because I come from a very unsentimental family that is usually too stubborn to say anything that might be interpreted as warmth/love/caring. But now, more recently, she has started asking me about other cities "we" can visit, etc ... It's become very clear she doesn't realize there will be a baby, or at least that the baby will require my care. So, I will ask her to postpone. As for the other aunt, she said directly she "doesn't want to get stuck babysitting." That wasn't me speculating or assuming, she actually said that. So, I guess that's clearer : /

 

[blackemerald1]

@Casey_03 ok, well it seems like neither of your Aunt's are going to be supportive and why, out of the blue... either of them proposed to visit you AFTER your baby is born, is puzzling. But, good grief no, if you are certain that there is no support coming. Then suggesting another time for the kind of expectations that is required of you would appear to be a sensible thing to discuss with her.

Mind boggling isn't it! But please don't burn bridges when you do suggest another time. You don't need to do that. Let her down gently. If she understands your situation when she can visit, she may be much more supportive.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

So someone also needing me to act as an interpreter/tour guide during that time? That would be an impossible situation.

I would send an overnight (if needed) letter if you arent comfortable saying this on the phone, and state just that!

I will have a newborn, I will be healing from birth and will be in pain, I will be breastfeeding and not getting much sleep. I WILL NOT be going anywhere, be your tour guide, translate or anything of the such.

I need your help and support through this time and maybe in a few weeks or a month or so, we can do this, but NOT directly after I have just given birth and must take care of a newborn alone!

Therefore, if you still would like to come and help and support, please do as I do need support but please do not ask me to go anywhere.

Thank you and I love you. (Had to throw that in as she is still family).

I would also send a letter to the other aunt: I'm sorry that YOU assumed that I would ask you to babysit my newborn whom actually wont be leaving my sight and I will be in bed with him/her most of the time and will be recovering from birth. I actually needed support but I'm sorry that YOU assumed wrong and now don't feel the need to come and support your neice, whom very much needs your support!

If you change your mind, I would be in much need of support as I'm doing this alone.


Good wishes (or god bless or whatever) and I love you! (Still the same, she's family)

But you know what @Casey_03, I know it's very scary being alone but MANY new mothers do this alone and do fine!

If you have a laptop, tablet, smart phone etc; we will be here with you and though I can't have children and never given birth (but have taken care of many of newborns) there are MANY mothers here that will support you.

You will be ok! And you will be a GREAT mommy!

 

[Sighs]

It would be best if you planned your sightseeing trip when I'm not gushing blood for 6 weeks, on no sleep, adjusting to being responsible for an infant, all the while also juggling work, in a war zone*.

@FridayJones - have I mentioned lately how much I love you?