Really struggling

[Scarlet13]

Ok, so it's a lot to get through all of this, but I am really struggling and having suicidal thoughts. Here's why:
1. I have to take stearoid shots in my face due to having reconstructive plastic surgery because I had skin cancer removed from my nose. These shots cause depression.
2. I have a gut infection and have to wait 1 mos to do a test
This has been going on for a year. This also leads to a poor mood, just to have an out of wack gut.
3. My T is out of town which was sudden.
4. A student killed herself at my school and a colleague showed me the funeral hand out and a section of her suicide note and told me how she did it.
5. Before this, I was out for 5 weeks because I had skin cancer and 3 surgeries. Many people didn't know I was gone. My magazines were taken from my room as well as a projector.
2. My face has scars and it still looks weird as I had a skin flap done and people who don't know keep asking what happened to me. I may never be able to raise my eyebrow or feel part of my face again. I have bald spots from the scalp incisions which may or may not grow back.
3. I am fighting with my husband and not even touching him. Kissing is impossible due to my nose still healing. Being touched feels like too much.
4. I just feel so pointless and like I do not matter.
5. I hate being a mom with PTSD and such high anxiety. I hate being sick.
6. I am turning 40 and kinda freaking out
7. I feel unattractive and gross and I cannot get my hair done or brows waxed which sound trivial but I just do not feel like myself.

I think if it weren't for the stearoid shots and gut infection, I could handle all of this.
I have a mix of chemical causes of depression and emotional experiences, but all of it is swirling together into a big black hole of shittiness that is pulling me down.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m not sure what to advise but I know just how horrible steroids can be.....I had a bad experience with them last fall and ended up in the hospital for a week. My Pdoc was pissed that I was prescribed steroids in the first place, and he said “never again”.

The only thing that helped was getting the steroids out of my system. I know that personally there was no coping skill that could overcome my 5+ x a day mood crashes.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling. :hug:

 

[Still Standing]

Yes, it is true for me, too, that cortisone and prednisone cause depression, the desire to binge eat, hot flashes, and weight gain. Since I know this, I have learned to tolerate these symptoms because they are only temporary. I can only imagine how hard it is for you trying to adjust to the stress of the facial scarring and possible changes to your being. The changes have to be so challenging, but it does not have to change who you are. And that is the challenge...to stay true to yourself. Your struggles do not have to define or alter who you are. That only happens if we acquiesce to the temporary changes and how we think others see us. You are in a battle right now. You do not have to surrender to the depression and battle. It is simply a challenge that life has thrown at you. The test is...who do you want to be in it and how do you want to be coming out of it on the other side? You, as many of us, have to fight to stay on the up side of depression. It is not easy but it is doable. Don’t give up. You can walk through this. You really can.

 

[Scarlet13]

So the injections are into my nose and forehead. I think it would feel worse if I was ingesting them.

The suicide was triggering at my school and then it all rolled together. Then I have not seen my T for 2 weeks. I had just been telling her how strong I am and how I am wanting to try EMDR and now I have these thoughts. She wont do EMDR if you are having suicidal thoughts.

The whole facial surgery was taxing, but I felt like I was handling it and I felt strong until I started the shots.

That makes me feel a lot better knowing others have gotten mood changes from stearoids.

I have to try to navigate telling my T about these thoughts while also trying to convince her that I still have my progress and could handle EMDR soon.

Obviously not while I am receiving these shots. I will have to get them a few more times.