Abbysmom06$
New Here
Came across this forum while researching PTSD and hoping it helps me to have a support system who really understands the symptoms. I was recently diagnosed by my Dr and therapist after I pretty much completely had a break down about 6 weeks ago. The previous 12 months had been tough ones but I never saw this coming. In February 2017 I was at work as a loan officer in a small community bank. It was just me and one other employee in the branch when a man came in obviously disguised and jumped up on the counter and pulled a gun out and pointed it to the tellers head. As my mind tried to quickly come to grips with what was happening, I went to press the alarm button at my desk. The robber saw me and turned around and pointed the gun at me and started screaming at me to get up from my desk. I complied and in that moment thought wow I screwed up! He is angry now and going to kill us both. I thought of my kids and immediately had immense regret for trying to sound the alarm. Obviously the robber did not shoot us (although the gun was loaded). Instead he took the money from the register and left.
I was struggling with this event when 3 weeks later on my birthday I received a text from an acquaintance that my mother had 12-24 hours to live. My mother was ill with COPD and while our relationship was somewhat strained toward the end for the majority of my life we were extremely close. I had just spoken to her a week before this text and knew she was sick but had no idea it was that dire. No one in my family communicated anything to me. Because of the robbery I put off seeing my mom who was several hours away, but if I had known her illness was grave I would have been there. My father finally left a message that it was too late and she would probably not make it through the night. She died the next day. I tried to reach out to my only sister who hadn't spoken to me in years for a reason unknown to me. Sounds like bull but I tried and tried with her and got no answer. I was able to finally message her on FB. She refused to give me any information other than there would be no service for my mother. I had to go online and search obituaries to find out when her service would be. My sister lashed out at me that she did not want me there, that I better not be there, and promptly blocked me on FB. I did attend my moms service but it was a surreal experience that left me with no closure. Anyway, to sum up my rambling a couple of months ago my life seemed to unravel. I lost my job at the bank, had to take a job I despise for less money, and was constantly having sever panic attacks and bouts of serious depression. My doc has me on an antidepressant and an antipsychotic because I started experiencing dissociation and paranoia. Nothing has really helped yet. I am currently on a leave of absence from my job. I'm hoping and praying this gets better as my whole life seems to be falling apart because of it. Too "scared" to leave the house. Anyway sorry for the long post but I'm hoping you guys have some insight you can share with me that helps me get my life back. Thanks in advance for listening!
I was struggling with this event when 3 weeks later on my birthday I received a text from an acquaintance that my mother had 12-24 hours to live. My mother was ill with COPD and while our relationship was somewhat strained toward the end for the majority of my life we were extremely close. I had just spoken to her a week before this text and knew she was sick but had no idea it was that dire. No one in my family communicated anything to me. Because of the robbery I put off seeing my mom who was several hours away, but if I had known her illness was grave I would have been there. My father finally left a message that it was too late and she would probably not make it through the night. She died the next day. I tried to reach out to my only sister who hadn't spoken to me in years for a reason unknown to me. Sounds like bull but I tried and tried with her and got no answer. I was able to finally message her on FB. She refused to give me any information other than there would be no service for my mother. I had to go online and search obituaries to find out when her service would be. My sister lashed out at me that she did not want me there, that I better not be there, and promptly blocked me on FB. I did attend my moms service but it was a surreal experience that left me with no closure. Anyway, to sum up my rambling a couple of months ago my life seemed to unravel. I lost my job at the bank, had to take a job I despise for less money, and was constantly having sever panic attacks and bouts of serious depression. My doc has me on an antidepressant and an antipsychotic because I started experiencing dissociation and paranoia. Nothing has really helped yet. I am currently on a leave of absence from my job. I'm hoping and praying this gets better as my whole life seems to be falling apart because of it. Too "scared" to leave the house. Anyway sorry for the long post but I'm hoping you guys have some insight you can share with me that helps me get my life back. Thanks in advance for listening!
