Sexual Assault Recent Rape Brought Back All The Traumas

[Deleted member 11353]

I was diagnosed with PTSD fairly recently, about two years ago, after a traumatic domestic incident that the therapist acknowledged was very similar to my childhood.. I'm no longer in that relationship, but I did what I frequently do, went to the extreme to feel safe. Moved to another country. So, problem solved, parents that traumatized me with severe abuse are now dead, my abusive ex is in another country, I'm going to be okay now because running away always helps. Sorry to say, but I really was that naive. But, then I'm raped and robbed. By a local cab driver and his buddy who thought the whole thing was quite humorous when I tried to cry out in pain (one put his hand over my mouth), or beg them to leave me alone (in my language, not theirs). Now, I'm back with the night terrors, anxiety, depression, and ALL the symptoms that caused me to seek therapy for years back in the states. It's all fresh again. Now I have four dogs, don't go out of the house unless absolutely necessay, and only in the very early morning hours, as soon as the grocery store opens, and I've lost many of my new "friends," who just don't "get it." An example, one of them said to me (about the rape) "wasn't that six months ago? Get over it." I'm no longer around her. And it does seem that, although I make friends easily, I tend to cut friendships short as soon as something "insensitive" is said. I don't know anymore. Almost sixty, and so very angry at the parents, the ex, the cab drivers. Two emotions left, anger and sadness. Thanks for reading, needed to vent.

 

[HealingHeart]

I finally joined this forum after reading your post this morning.. I know you just were venting and didn't ask for feed-back or anything but it all makes total sense.. Avoidance works for a while..in fact your post might be hard for some people to respond to since it reminds them of their own trauma.. Even though the symptoms are back that is just a sign that something horrible happened to you and I hope that others honor that for you.

I am sorry you are so sad right now but thank you for being angry - you have a right to be and it a powerful source of energy that I often lack.. I tend to just become immobile and feel like a lil puddle on the ground.

 

[RussH]

@mariachero
I am truly sorry for all that you have endured, and the aftereffects of the trauma.
did you report the rape to the police?
I do want you to know that you will make good friends that are understanding here. i wish yo

 

[RussH]

@HealingHeart I hope you will take time to do an introduction thread and intoduce yourself to the forum
I look forward to meeting you.

 

[Deleted member 11353]

I'd not thought to do that, introduce myself, probably would have been a good place to start. And, yes, I did report it to the police, but I live in a Spanish speaking country and I am not yet fluent with the language. Couple that with the fact that the "taxistas" (cab drivers) are a very powerful union here, the police did nothing. I used to write a blog about where I'd moved to and it had become quite popular. It was what I considered "fluff and stuff," which means it was merely a positive reflection about the things to do here. It was targeted at the tourists, we get lots of cruise ships and tourists here, main source of bread and butter. But, then I wrote about the rape. I received death threats from a couple of locals (I'm assuming it was the locals), and anger from the other expats who prefer to believe we have no crime. I stopped writing the blog, don't go out anymore to do anything anyway, and certainly won't take my camera out, feel like a target whenever I step out of the house, which, I know, is certainly a part of my PTSD and subsequent depression. It all gets so complicated sometimes, overwhelming. But, have a few real friends, four great dogs, and have always done well alone, so it's not so bad..............but, main point, thanks for the responses!

 

[Recovery4Me]

@mariachero

It's hard to find the proper words for me at times. This is one of those times. And yet, I wanted to offer out a community hand and welcome you among us.

The violence of rape shatters so many, but you are not alone. Keep posting. It is a safe place. I am glad you are here to heal.

@HealingHeart ...your empathy is so beautiful. Glad you took the step to join us too!

 

[anthony]

Sorry to hear.... what arse wipes. I hope someone cuts their nuts and dicks off and feeds them to the local animals whilst they watch in pain. A befitting punishment for rapist IMHO.

 

[RussH]

@mariachero I just wanted to see how you are doing?