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- #13
Interesting take Barefoot about the depersonalization comment. I do not have DID but that is interesting point even just having the camera in therapy and being able to see my face sometimes feels funny --- maybe that is how I get the idea in me in the first place...even though I was polite consciously not to look at my face while in therapy. I am poor selfie as I always look at my face!! with crooked eyes... it is a running joke in my household.
I got the feeling that watching a therapy session after the fact and seeing my unconscious parts and behaviours will be extremely humiliation or shame producing but I find whenever I learned a new part of myself, the first thing I feel is experience is the shame of OMG I was like that and did not know...to wow that is really weird/stupid I did not know that side of me...to wow without even knowing i lacked insight, I still go on and take a chance (depression type of feeling) and more embarrassment, to bravery and to compassion and acceptance and back again depending how deep is the cut.
So I get that fear but I am truly interested in knowing myself with all its warts and I am risking deep depression to know myself. I do have relatively strong community and life support and ... I have mild cases of PTSD not debilitating anymore so again, it was an idea maybe I could handle it. However, I can also stop and it is not life time project.
I am not interested in recording without my therapist for simple reason, I am not interested in seeing my face deceiving the other. There is no use for that for me. I want to see unconscious behaviour of myself to heal not conscious behaviour of lying/decieving/hiding...I am not interested in anything like that.
I am in therapy school and watched some of the videos from research and they were fascinating to me. There was a video called Still Fcce Experiment - a powerful video.
It is powerful to watch and see how damaging it can be for a long sustained invalidation and avoidance in a child. I have those and I struggle to see sometimes how subtle my feelings are. I learned how to compensate and I learned how to overcome but there are deep ones I do not access but I sense them after therapy when I am alone and reflecting...and then the next one is another session...
I think that video would have been great for training first time mothers during pregnacy! It is quite powerful for me. I cry every time I see it.
It shows very clearly we are all impacted how we were treated then (some worse than others)...but I do have a lot of triggers which I can feel in my body but cannot put my finger on...very early experiences I reckon...so this is where my interest is coming from. Also intellectually speaking, I honestly feel this may become a new frontier of therapy and if some people (obviously with care of certain medical conditions) can observe with a professional and learn that way, they too can learn how to explore and process rather than in talk therapy. Maybe next phase is see therapy. I think the fact we are, most of us, anyway doing therapy online may ignite a whole new way of doing therapy. There are a lot of therapists, as you say, of course who did not want to do video but now they do not have a choice if they want to keep their clients supported and their livelihood continue.
I think we are sitting on the verge of something new after Covid 19.
I got the feeling that watching a therapy session after the fact and seeing my unconscious parts and behaviours will be extremely humiliation or shame producing but I find whenever I learned a new part of myself, the first thing I feel is experience is the shame of OMG I was like that and did not know...to wow that is really weird/stupid I did not know that side of me...to wow without even knowing i lacked insight, I still go on and take a chance (depression type of feeling) and more embarrassment, to bravery and to compassion and acceptance and back again depending how deep is the cut.
So I get that fear but I am truly interested in knowing myself with all its warts and I am risking deep depression to know myself. I do have relatively strong community and life support and ... I have mild cases of PTSD not debilitating anymore so again, it was an idea maybe I could handle it. However, I can also stop and it is not life time project.
I am not interested in recording without my therapist for simple reason, I am not interested in seeing my face deceiving the other. There is no use for that for me. I want to see unconscious behaviour of myself to heal not conscious behaviour of lying/decieving/hiding...I am not interested in anything like that.
I am in therapy school and watched some of the videos from research and they were fascinating to me. There was a video called Still Fcce Experiment - a powerful video.
I think that video would have been great for training first time mothers during pregnacy! It is quite powerful for me. I cry every time I see it.
It shows very clearly we are all impacted how we were treated then (some worse than others)...but I do have a lot of triggers which I can feel in my body but cannot put my finger on...very early experiences I reckon...so this is where my interest is coming from. Also intellectually speaking, I honestly feel this may become a new frontier of therapy and if some people (obviously with care of certain medical conditions) can observe with a professional and learn that way, they too can learn how to explore and process rather than in talk therapy. Maybe next phase is see therapy. I think the fact we are, most of us, anyway doing therapy online may ignite a whole new way of doing therapy. There are a lot of therapists, as you say, of course who did not want to do video but now they do not have a choice if they want to keep their clients supported and their livelihood continue.
I think we are sitting on the verge of something new after Covid 19.