FireDancer85
New Here
I was really fortunate in that I really wanted to have a normal sex life and I prioritized that as one of the things I wanted to come out of working through my ptsd on my own since self diagnoses.
The thing that helped me the most: Practice.
I practiced flirting, being close, spending time with people...
I practiced moving slow, moving fast (and by moving I mean by making advances and deciding which advances I wanted to give in to)
I practiced putting myself into sexual situations, and removing myself from them.
I practiced connecting with people emotionally, psychologically, and physically.
I practiced saying no: verbally, physically, and psychologically with direct messaging and body language signalling, and safe words established with each partner before the encounter.
I forgave myself for making poor decisions about selecting sexual experiences that turned out to be less than perfect.
I kept practicing.
I found that the kink and bdsm communities are built on consent and care of partners and most of my most compassionate and accepting-without-question partners in any type of physical, emotional, or overtly sexual relationship came from these communities.
Safe words helped me a lot. As I got more comfortable with individuals, sex in general, and intimacy... safe words became less and less relevant to the sex and relationships I engaged in.
I rarely disclosed the details of the incidents that lead to my ptsd... maybe to 4 people over 10 years of a LOT of practice. I found it was better to not tell people so they didn't treat me differently or feel like they had to carry my burdens or correlate all of my actions to my past trauma. The less detail about my past and more focus I put on what I wanted, the better the relationship/encounter went for both parties.
But that's what worked for me. Every human being is different and what works for you will maybe not work for me or vice versa.
Start by determining your hard boundaries of what you can and cannot do comfortably and then find a person you can feel safe with and gradually start pushing them, is the core of my advice from experience.
Good Luck!
The thing that helped me the most: Practice.
I practiced flirting, being close, spending time with people...
I practiced moving slow, moving fast (and by moving I mean by making advances and deciding which advances I wanted to give in to)
I practiced putting myself into sexual situations, and removing myself from them.
I practiced connecting with people emotionally, psychologically, and physically.
I practiced saying no: verbally, physically, and psychologically with direct messaging and body language signalling, and safe words established with each partner before the encounter.
I forgave myself for making poor decisions about selecting sexual experiences that turned out to be less than perfect.
I kept practicing.
I found that the kink and bdsm communities are built on consent and care of partners and most of my most compassionate and accepting-without-question partners in any type of physical, emotional, or overtly sexual relationship came from these communities.
Safe words helped me a lot. As I got more comfortable with individuals, sex in general, and intimacy... safe words became less and less relevant to the sex and relationships I engaged in.
I rarely disclosed the details of the incidents that lead to my ptsd... maybe to 4 people over 10 years of a LOT of practice. I found it was better to not tell people so they didn't treat me differently or feel like they had to carry my burdens or correlate all of my actions to my past trauma. The less detail about my past and more focus I put on what I wanted, the better the relationship/encounter went for both parties.
But that's what worked for me. Every human being is different and what works for you will maybe not work for me or vice versa.
Start by determining your hard boundaries of what you can and cannot do comfortably and then find a person you can feel safe with and gradually start pushing them, is the core of my advice from experience.
Good Luck!
