Supporter Regaining trust

[ken south]

I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman who has PTSD from childhood abuse, sexual abuse, and physical abuse over a period of 50 years. She is a fighter and has and still is getting help. Right now she is trying to cope with the guilt associated with her 18 autistic daughter being sexually assaulted by a long-time family friend when the daughter was in her earlier teens.

I did not know enough about PTSD when we first started dating, so I misunderstood some of her reactions and events after being triggered. I thought she really didn't like me all that much, I can be very insecure and needy or at least I was.

As a result, I did 2 very bad things, I told the woman I loved her (which is true) but continued to reach out to other women online and in fact went on 2 dates. I realized during the second date that I was truly in love my partner and had no interest in anyone else. I had stopped engaging in that activity but retained my dating site accounts. Then in an attempt to show the woman how much better she was than anyone else, I allowed her on to my match profile, forgetting that there were messages on it. She read all the messages and they still haunt her, it has only 3 months.

She has significant trust issues, one husband cheated on her on their wedding night.

I am trying to show her that I realize the extent of my mistakes and I do truly love her. But it is hard, in some ways she is more upset now than she was initially or at least that is how it seems.

Does anyone have any suggestions/

 

[Friday]

What kind of time frame are you talking about, here? Is this the fairly normal seeing several people casually and deciding to make a serious go of it with one of them in the beginning of a relationship... or you were hurt sometime during an already committed relationship, and either stepped out, or were looking to? I’m not quite tracking where you were at in your timeline with her.

Massively different suggestions / answers between the two.

 

[Justmehere]

Did you both state you were dating exclusively?

If so, her distrust of you isn’t entirely due to PTSD pathology.

If this was very early on, and you hadn’t yet both decided to date exclusively, then her distrust may be more linked to PTSD.

The path forward -

Does she want to try to make the relationship work and rebuild trust?

 

[Swift]

Hey Ken, (is it ok if I call you that? Just a guess based on your username.)
I'm sorry you and your wife are going through such a hard time.
Just wondering, is she the sufferer, or do you have PTSD/OCD too?
There are lots of nooks and crannies on this site for different things.
I've found writing a trauma diary really helpful.
My suggestion would be that you tell her exactly what you've written here - maybe in a card, if just saying it doesn't seem to have the same impact.
Also, have you heard of love languages? It's basically a concept of how different people express love, and what gives them that "loved" feeling.
Welcome, mate. I've found this a really supportive community, and I hope it helps you.