Regrets

[fuzzypenguin]

While watching TV after taking a break from studying, some thoughts came to mind influenced by what I saw on TV. Oh yay me... I won't say the show because of any spoilers, but pretty much the following happened. Girl meets guy in college. Girl and guy drink a lot. Guy rapes girl. Weeks later girl tells school and police. Guy gets kicked out and in later episodes find out guy isn't doing so well. Girl is trying to move on but runs into guy while on a dinner date with another guy. Anyways, long story short. All this happens in the course of a month, from what I can tell in the show's time frame. I went to the police 5 months after I was raped and every day I wish I went sooner. I wish I didn't wait. I wish I went that night. Yes, I was drunk and underage, but I've been told police don't prosecute the victim. I didn't provide alcohol to a minor, he did. I didn't rape a lady, he did. I just wish I did more. Everyday, I wish I did. My life would most likely be so much better. School would not feel like a constant battle and I would have more empathy from everyone. I just wish...

 

[Ronin]

You can't know things would be better or easier in any way. For all I know they could have landed you in the very same spot you're now, or worse.

You did the best, as it kept you alive and somehow functional. You can move with that best now to another 'what's best course' goal. Or not the best but attainable, that's good enough. Losing time & energy on regrets over something that may not even have happened won't assist you.

 

[fuzzypenguin]

Yeah, you're right. It's not a guarantee if I told earlier things would be smoother. But I know things would be different. I can only imagine how different and/better they could have been.

I don't have many regrets in life or what if scenarios I replay in my head, but this is definitely my biggest one thus far.