Rejection

[Changing4Best]

I have found on and off that rejection is something that nearly shuts me down. I was sitting at a table with 3 friends of mine (all women) when another woman came up to us and said, "My 3 friends all sitting together at one table, what a treat!" I was the "fourth" person sitting at that table. I thought I was her friend too, but apparently not, as she proceeded to ignore me and talk with the other 3. I felt hurt and wanted to cry. But then we don't show our feelings or say anything when we get rejected like that, do we? We just sit there silently and suffer, or we get up quietly and walk away and suffer in silence elsewhere.

Sometimes it takes all we have in us just to walk out that door and brave the outside world, and then something like this happens! And we crawl back into bed and hide under the covers again for goodness knows how long.

I saw her today and it was all I could do to act as if nothing had happened. I said "HI." to her and she said "Hi." to me and walked away. I guess she does not consider me a friend, even though I had considered her to be my friend. I still feel hurt.

I have dealt with rejection all my life, but thankfully not everywhere I go. For once in my life, there is a place where I finally feel accepted! I love going to the local Senior Center. I am not rejected there, thankfully, but it is one of the only places in my life where I have ever felt welcomed. I thank God for that place every day. I pray that it stays open until the day I die and beyond. It is such a blessing.

Have you ever been rejected? Do you get rejected often? What do you do when it does happen? Do you feel it is part of being PTSD, something that we all have to deal with in our lives? Or is it just something that everyone on earth has to deal with?

 

[Ed Norton]

That hurts Sheila!:hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

Thanks, Ed. I'm glad I am accepted and loved here too, of course. That goes without saying!

 

[Ed Norton]

Indeed, my Sister in Christ, indeed.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have dealt with rejection all my life,

So have I! I know that HORRID feeling. I was in my house of hell and also was bullied in school from grade school to graduation, i have been hated at all the jobs ive had or just 'put up with', i have no friends, and every single family member has left (as in cant stand me, dont talk to me, google me & any known user name, print out everything, & then cause a f*ck load of drama). I totally get that 'everyone talking about you' and 'everyone ignoring you' feeling and im so sorry that you go through it too! :hug:

Can you call this person and ask if maybe she's upset with you? And then if so work it out?

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry @SheilaKathy , but I must say, acting like that she sounds like a lemon. :( Unfortunately (& this is something I learned) women (more so than men) do this, often from childhood, it includes shunning, ignoring, the silent treatment etc. It's considered a form of passive-aggressiveness.

Hugs +++ to you. :hug: (And to you @lostforgottensoul as well. :hug: )

 

[Changing4Best]

@lostforgottensoul

You asked if I could "Can you call this person and ask if maybe she's upset with you? And then if so work it out?" but I just don't have the gumption to do something like that! It is not in me, it is a very foreign idea to me and I'd be scared to death to do it in heart and soul. I will just accept it, and take heart in what @Junebug said about women being like this and doing this in general as my healing balm. I do recognize that women can be catty. I have experienced a lot of that in life too, of course! It is not all women, just some of them. I have had close friends who are women, but then several of them have turned on me in my life, so I know that can happen too! Friendship is a very precarious thing sometimes, I guess. You think everything is fine, and all of a sudden it all falls to pieces! I hate that. But it happens. That's life, I guess.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @SheilaKathy , I've had very disconcerting / uncomfortable experiences with women acting one way in public & another in private. :(

The main thing is, there are friends of either gender to make who would never act towards you like that. Not to worry. (Though I'm sorry it made you feel sad. I am very sensitive too so I understand.). :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@SheilaKathy My therapist asks me to do a f*ck load of shit that scares the hell out of me and id rather curl up in a corner forever but i take all my internal courage (and im the cowardly lion) and it turns out that it was helping or healing or gets me one step closer to getting better.

Im not saying you must or that this would help but maybe there's something there that you two could work out, some silly missunderstanding and then if there is, and you two work it out, you wont be that "left out one" and dont have to feel this way, and gain a friend you feel you lost.

If it doesnt work out, that will suck but at leaat you know where you stand, can sorta hang out w/ the other 3 w/o her and still not have to feel like the left out one.

Just my opinion though. :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Im sorry if that came across harsh, i didnt mean it as such. :hug:

 

[Nevermore]

Ouch! That would really hurt! It would be great if you could talk to her and ask what's going on - but I understand not being able to. I'm terrible at that stuff myself!
You asked if anyone else gets rejected - yes! I don't think anybody escapes it!!! Of not unless they are running themselves ragged being a people pleaser - and even then it still happens.
I think people have different reactions to it though.
Some just immediately go into not caring about that person/ situation, putting it all back on them. Some feel so good about themselves they don't even notice rejection!! Or see it as the other persons failure to connect.
Some take it all in like an arrow in the heart. I'm in the last category too!
i do think PTSD makes it harder - or I have noticed in myself that instead of just feeling hurt sometimes I feel like I'm actually dying of emotional pain!!
Rejection and invalidation are big triggers for me.
But in truth I know how faulty human beings are, self included, and most of these slings and arrows are really not of great import. Nor are most of the people firing them!
That girl sounds just mean! You don't need people like that around you as you yourself sound so lovely! As I'm sure the members of local senior centre can attest to!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Sheila, this sounds like a mind game being played on you. It is one of those situations where you were her target and it was catching you off guard and when that happens to me it feels awful and I freeze up. If you had been prepared for this you just might have excused yourself and left her alone. She is sure not a good person to do that to you in my opinion.

It is the people who catch me off guard and unprepared that always catch me off guard. But the good thing is now you are prepared for her and if this should ever happen again, you will have a good plan to protect yourself.

That kind of experience really is so very hurtful, but consider the source, she is not a good person and she revealed herself to you and she can not wear her mask around you.

I would just stay away from her and I would look carefully at the other friends you were with. Because they were not there for you at all in my opinion. Head games I hate them.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Hugs