Relationship Success Stories

[WaveRunner]

Hi all!

There's a lot on here about disappointments and / or failed attempts at relationships with PTSD sufferers. Can anyone share success stories of relationships between PTSD sufferers and supporters? Also, any tips on how you've made it successful?

Thank you!

 

[Thizette]

My current relationship is successful so far, and a lot of it is communication and compassion. If we fall apart, it won't be because of PTSD. If both parties can't talk about the initial trauma, ongoing triggers, symptoms, and their general experiences, then it's not going to work. My fellow doesn't expect me to just get better, and at our worst I have to remind him that I have a permanent mental illness. I also have to remind myself that my symptoms can affect him negatively and allow him to talk about it without being defensive. There is a lot of explaining. Stuff like, "I realize that you are a safe person, but when this happens, I have an involuntary bodily response to it. I know it might be hurtful, but it's not because I'm afraid of you. It's a flashback." And also, "That was hard to hear, but I'm glad you told me."

So basically, our relationship works because we both seem to recognize that our immediate response to something isn't accurate or necessarily the fault of the other person.

 

[WaveRunner]

Thizette,

This is so wonderful and inspiring. I hope you don't mind but I screenshotted your words to save that as a reminder.

I don't open up to a lot of people but knowing what my boyfriend did for a living, I get questions about his PTSD and there are a lot of naysayers. I just stopped telling people.

I believe two committed people can work together and find a recipe that works for them. You have inspired me to continue believing. Thank you for sharing that!!:hug:

 

[sun seeker]

Can anyone share success stories of relationships between PTSD sufferers and supporters?

That's a very refreshing question, thank you for thinking of it!

 

[WaveRunner]

That's a very refreshing question, thank you for thinking of it!

Thank YOU! :D

 

[horizons]

Hi WaveRunner, yes it's absolutely possible to have a successful relationship with a PTSD sufferer and the founders of this site are one example, with loads of tips from both available on several posts. I also have a successful relationship with my PTSD sufferer although it took many years to get to this point.
As a partner I'd suggest:

(1) remain true to self
(2) put oxygen mask on self
(3) learn the difference between support and enabling.
(4) Understand the reasons PTSD sufferers sometimes need space so that you don't take it personally
(5) Understand the timing of 'deep and meaningful' conversations may not always be appropriate when you think the time is right - it needs to be right for both of you...especially during stressful/triggered times.
(6) It takes two. You can't take on the work that's required by your partner, you can't "force" the other partner to contribute, seek help etc

It's really it's hard to summarize any number of tips- just remember that ANY relationship takes work and understanding...with PTSD it's a lot more work but having said that, working through the issues together can actually (eventually) enhance the relationship. Just as every individual is different, so is every relationship - ultimately it all involves open and honest communication.

 

[anthony]

My wife and I have been together over 10 years, still going strong. Add to that mix, menopause too...

How? Lots of communication, lots of honesty, lots of compromise, both parties.

 

[WaveRunner]

Hi WaveRunner, yes it's absolutely possible to have a successful relationship with a PTSD sufferer and...

Hi Horizons!

I spent some time thinking about you post. I will absolutely search for and read the site founder's posts about tips and successes. It's refreshing to hear people have found ways to navigate around these factors in their relationships.

When I first came to the site, I was looking for two things: Answers and people with similar experiences. As you begin reading and interacting, it is clear that people have their own personalities, levels of intelligence, free-will, communication styles, etc. PTSD is a seemingly separate yet relevant factor that I believe you can learn to handle *IF* two people communicate and want to be together.

Thank you!!

 

[WaveRunner]

My wife and I have been together over 10 years, still going strong. Add to that mix, menopause too...

How?...

Anthony,

I believe you may be a founder of this site. Thank you!! It has been a great resource more than you know.

It is amazing what is possible if two people WANT to be together. Life is a straight line for some. For others, it has a lot of twists and turns. I think those people are stronger because of their experiences.

Thank you!

 

[Chincho]

Lots of communication, lots of honesty, lots of compromise, both parties.

My husband and I were together for 24 years until he passed away almost two years ago. We shared Anthony's recipe.

 

[Thizette]

Hi WaveRunner, yes it's absolutely possible to have a successful relationship with a PTSD sufferer and...

In reading your list of tips, this post-traumatically-stressed person thinks you sound like a remarkable partner, I second your advice.