Relationships and loneliness

[bhm]

Something I've realized lately is the fact that I tend to get involed in unhealthy relationships as a method of combating loneliness, all kinds of relationships, sexual, platonic, whatever, I hate being alone, but since my last breakdown and finally basically being forced to get help, and trying to be sober, I find it hard to connect with anyone except my therapist, I understand that at this point in my recovery embarking on new relationships is probably a bad idea, and when I'm around people I want to be alone but when I'm alone I climb the walls and feel alone to the point of despair. I really don't know what to do anymore, I feel so disconnected and like I'm going to be alone forever, and maybe I should be, I feel like I almost deserve to be alone like it's somekind of "sentence" I hate feeling like this all the time,

 

[Friday]

An in-between alone & friends = shared activities.

Classes are probably the most “just add water” example. Whether rock climbing or Tai-Chi, University Class or the YMCA... you & a lot of other people all sign up for being in the same space, doing the same thing.

Less interactive with others than classes? Lectures, concerts, coffee shops, parks. The first 2 you’re still around people doing the same thing you are, but not expected to interact with them; the second 2 are places people go to “be alone, together”.

 

[shimmerz]

I find that figuring out a purpose really helps with loneliness.

It allows me to have something of my own to bring to any relationship.
It helps me to focus in on a group/organization with like minds surrounding me.

Do you have an interest so you can start off with something of your own?

 

[bhm]

Heya @shimmerz I used to do alot of things but these days have no motivation and am still frequently triggered by what seems almost anything, and an dealing with alot of issues surrounding doubt, fear, shame, self image, I feel like a giant bag of shit, I've been in contact recently with an educational facility and am hoping to be able to enroll in some courses, there will be a lot of leg work involved in that and with my current situation would require accessing financial aid, I'm waiting to hear back from an advisor, they were supposed to contact me this week, and I'm sure they're just busy, but of course my brain tells me that I'm a giant loser and they're never going to call, blah, and I moved away from the city to a small community and I'm a bit of a freak, people are generally either totally repelled by my appearance or completely drawn to me with endless questions, it never used to bother me but lately I kinda want to be invisible but have made that very hard for myself lol, I kinda want to go on an expidition in search of the island for misfit toys from that old holiday special, hahahah it seemed nice there

 

[grit]

Loneliness is an interesting topic. I hated when it hit me and I used to live alone! I HATED IT! I thought I was going to go mad!!!! but for some reason, I started to write and gosh...the darkness that just pour out of me!!! I mean it was a way to drain the pipes.

I am not sure what your situation is or your mental health status but if you have interest or curious about, I recommend you find a writing group for women (if men triggering is an issue or temptations) and use this dark times to see what is the source.

IMHO, one thing one cannt ignore and heal is loneliness. To be afraid of being loneliness is already a sign of being afraid of oneself. Just imagine how much energy we will need to be afraid of ourselves!!!

That is what I recommend but any art or creative endeavour where you are not being criticised or focused on works wonders...but at the end, loneliness must be faced as part of human growth and be conquered by finding out what is the boogey man?

 

[bhm]

Yeah, I'm all over the map in all aspects at the moment, it comes and goes, I've been thinking of looking for a writing group but I live in a small community, they have pretty good programs at the library and community center but I'm still to, I don't even know how to decribe it, join anything, being male I don't know if i'd be accepted into a womens writting group, and I'd probably end up getting into another difunctional unhealty relationship, lol, I seem to have a knack for that, thats one of the reasons I'm avoiding everything and staying alone, I'm in self imposed exile while I do my recovery work, I'm still early in and really messed up,