TBH, from what’s written, I’d say the OP did a pretty damn good job in choosing a guy to date. Not right for her, clearly, in the long term... but that variable temperament WITHOUT abuse, scratches one long ingrained need/habit, whilst good judgment chose someone that not only doesn’t create that via the cycle-of-abuse, but is honest enough to break up when it’s clear they don’t work together, rather than twisting and manipulating her into staying with them. That’s dayum good work, choosing this bloke to date, coming out of an abuse history. When it’s far more common just to jump from one abusive relationship to the next to the next to the next, clinging on for dear life no matter how bad things are. Next steps, of course, finding someone more compatible & being willing to end it when it’s not, and keep those standards raising. But as first steps, go? We’re talking pole vault.
Hey, that's a very interesting way to look at it. That would have never occurred to me, thanks.
I mostly have been feeling as if this is just another relationship fail. Epically. I don't want to get into all the details, but it's true that I don't always believe he has my/our best interests at heart. I don't think he broke up with me for my sake, you know? It feels more like a discard. And if I'm really being honest, there have been times where the sudden shifts in his state of being felt abusive. Close to intermittent reinforcement, almost. To me. But then, I have PTSD and it triggers me. So I'm always second guessing myself, afraid to speak out but doing so on behalf of the relationship. But then dealing with someone who is frustrated because of feeling 'standing accused'. Does that make any sense?
Anyway. He broke up over the phone. Which I wouldn't accept, plus I asked if he'd take some time to at least consider his decision.
So now were meeting at my place on Wednesday. There's no radio silences, or no contact. I have the pleasure of still partaking in awkward calls, and mandatory texts. Timeline: dreaded phone call on Wednesday, and then wait a week to have an face to face moment. I'm not loving it, but feel like I owe it to myself to go through with this. And not have a childish ending like this, at least. But it's not easy. Old me would have thought "f*ck it", and just completely blocked him. It's easier to stay mad, right? To feel wronged, and righteous. But I don't want that. Plus, I want him to look me in the eye. For me, that's where I've grown: I can self soothe, regulate. Even during 'episodes', most of it happens in my head. Only people close to me can tell. But it only affects those people, sadly. Now I can go through a week like this, not text him a thousand times, go about my life, read a book, watch a movie. Calmly speak to him, ask about his day.