Relaxation, Silence Bringing About Flashbacks...

[EvenStrongerNow]

Hi, so I can't relax and just be.

When I try to do that, I can no longer avoid. The intrusion of memories does takes me away from relaxation and triggers a flashback.

I just started CBT Tuesday and I have another session tomorrow.

What can I do in between? Do I just stay focused on tasks and distractions? Is that the best way to handle this since I'm getting stuck and not able to relax?

 

[Jen93]

This is actually really common. I have it too. I think it's called hypnogogia-look it up. The best thing you can do is try to ground yourself while trying to relax. I know it sounds hard, but it's the only thing that helps. Working more in therapy should help too, I think.

 

[Ryn]

Hi @EvenStrongerNow, I have the same problem and struggle with it often so I might not be best for offering advice, but for me, it works best to find a relaxing task or way to spend my time rather than just doing nothing. Things like taking a nap or having a bath or even watching a movie don't work for me - my brain just races too quickly; maybe that's the same for you. But for example, I like to play a video game - more stimulation than a movie, and therefore usually keeps me engaged enough to not think about memories and yet still have fun and rejuvenate. Maybe there's something like that for you?

Hoping your session tomorrow goes well. :hug:

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

@Jen93 Hypnogogia is not what I'm experiencing. I'm not trying to sleep. I'm experiencing flashbacks when I try to relax, like when I'm just sitting there because when I'm relaxing, I can no longer avoid my thoughts and memories intrude into my thoughts and trigger flashbacks.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

@Ryn , thanks. I'm putting on music and doing the dishes. I need to do at least one task and then get ready to go out with my husband tonight. Thanks for the practical advice. It really helped me.

 

[Leigh925]

I have the same issue. As soon as I get still and try to shut down and relax I feel intrusive thoughts nagging at me. I would like for there to be times when I can just get some down time. If I am not always directing my mind it wanders into difficult places but it is exhausting to be in such control of it all of the time.

 

[Hope4Now]

Happens to me most of the time. My therapist says this is really common...as you're relaxing it makes time and space for all the stuff to start getting noisy. I do a lot of writing in my journal to try to pace the thinking. Or something physical that requires attention. I sing. I've found that using a CD for guided meditation (as opposed to just doing it myself quietly) helps me stay more balanced. I'm learning strategies in therapy to recognize when the feelings are starting to come on and manage them before they get too intense. Hope you can too!

 

[Fadeaway]

I can totally relate to this and right now I have to much time to relax.

 

[NovemberStar]

@Jen93 Hypnogogia is not what I'm experiencing. I'm not trying to sleep. I'm experiencing flashbacks when I try to relax, like when I'm just sitting there because when I'm relaxing, I can no longer avoid my thoughts and memories intrude into my thoughts and trigger flashbacks.

I relate to this - and it's the very reason I cannot tolerate any relaxation exercises or CBT etc (my psychiatrist said its too early for me to try CBT etc, as she believes i'm 'too traumatized' for it to work, yet).

Only thing I find helps me not have flashbacks is distraction. Since I've been back at work, I find getting out of the house and being with other people - even for an hour or two, helps me not dissociate as much. I'll be dissociated, but when at work, I am able to be 'present' enough to do my job, and forget it all for a bit. Minute I leave work, it's all back again.

When I'm not at work, and home alone, I often dissociate - lately its been a lot worse. To avoid flashbacks etc - I stay online - often watching / listening to a documentary online (tube is GREAT for this!) and at the same time, I google and read up about different things, or post on here or other forums (not related to PTSD, so a total break from mental health stuff). I often need to do TWO things at once - even though my concentration is bad. Right now, I am posting this AND listening to a documentary on tv. Doing multiple things at once helps me not have the time or space to 'think' much. I'll also switch pages or topics online also - too long at one thing, and the thoughts will get in.

Apparently JUGGLING is good for your brain - it makes it harder to panic / have anxiety cos both sides of your brain are working hard. If you can't juggle, then learning will take up a lot of concentration!!! I learnt with Lollies - small wee round candies - got to eat them every time I dropped them lol.

I try to stay in the 'now'. I am so sensitive to being triggered / having flashbacks that I think I live in avoidance mode. ITs all about avoiding. My comfort zone is a tiny box - in front of my computer, online, heater on, in my pjs. Sometimes I break away, make a hot drink, or cold fizzy drink (stimulate my senses in a healthy way). Sometimes I play with my kitten or dogs. Often I'm too anxious / dissociated / avoiding any possibility of being triggered, I don't open the mail, do any housework, do anything. Just in front of my computer. Or asleep.

Its become the 'new normal' now. I try not to worry that it will 'be this way forever'. I just have to stay in the day, and wait until I see my T each week as she helps me begin to work through this.

I've never found 'grounding' helpful because as I tried to explain it to my Dr and my T - why the hell would I want to be 'in the now' when its 'in the now' that has triggered the flashback? For me, it's being in the PRESENT that I am so fearful of - it matters not at all, that I am in 2014 and not the 1980s - when I'm having mini flashbacks every few minutes for hours at a time, the 'present' is not a safe place for me. When I'm with my T I am dissociated at some level and as I've explained to her, if I dissociated very baldy, it wouldn't be helpful for her to try to 'ground me' - because I would have dissociated because I am with her, and she has triggered me - taking me back to reality where I face the same threat, would just dissociate me more. Haven't managed to work out yet, what would be helpful … probably leaving the session and going to lie down and have a sleep in my car.

This morning, I was really struggling - what helped is making a plan: I wrote in my journal, listed my actions - a) phone and make an app to see my psych dr for tomorrow; b) phone a support person; c) take PRN meds. I also find WRITING in my journal helps. I write down what it is I am experiencing - how my dissociation or flashbacks are experienced - I 'become an observer' - like I'm studying my own behaviour - that helps me keep some distance.

The worst of the dissociation did then pass, simply by having a plan and doing the things on my short list. Again - distraction. And, NOT focusing on 'the present'.

Meds also help. I took some meds, for anxiety - even though I wasn't feeling anxious, I know the dissociation and flashbacks are coming from a place of serve anxiety,

 

[NovemberStar]

ps) I think it's pretty normal to struggle with this - a lot of us are 'hyper vigilant' and don't' even know it - for some of us, we have learnt, its simply not safe to 'relax' (i.e. if you grew up in a family home with violence like I did). So, for me, my brain has been wired to not relax - I need to distract and 'do' to deal with anxiety.

 

[shimmerz]

Hi @EvenStrongerNow! I really love your name! It is so positive. I have CPTSD (severe chronic) and found that CBT was too much for me as @NovemberStar mentioned, so maybe keep track of your reactions as you go along. Journaling may help with this or if you have a loved one that is tuned into you they can watch for behaviours if they get out of control. This is why so many of us (before a meltdown) are so high functioning. Because we distract ourselves like crazy.

I use games by PopCap to help me and I play wii quite a bit because I find that it gets my brain and body working together which is part of my integration process. I have come a long way and I am certain you will too! Best of luck!

 

[Fadeaway]

@shimmerz I would definitely say that the more stressed I am, the more I get done. The worse things are the more efficient I am. I guess it really is about distracting. It is when things are good and calm that I fall apart.