Religion & Abuse - Raising A Child Problems

[Gs172003]

I'm sorry for the interruption but this line is made of so much win and I am shamelessly borrowing it for...

I didn't write it lol I just borrowed it

 

[Ronin]

My biggest hang up right now that is causing me a shitload of anxiety and grief is the belief set that if I look into other religions, or if I "stray", that's it, I'm done for.

Can 'done for' mean 'finally free to do as I see fit', or any other strongly life & sense of self supporting concept that is welcome in your life?

Eventually: Done doesn't mean gone, and doesn't mean finished.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

f*ck I hate this so much. I feel like such a failure, but seeing children recite religion by rote with glazed over expressions and force fed enthusiasm sickens me.

I think you are thinking too much. Just because "christians" say "hot & cold...dont be luke warm" doesnr mean its correct. The truth is NO ONE living knows the truth about an afterlife and "god". They are beliefs and inly beliefs. Looking for the truth, or what feels like the truth to you, doesnt make you bad or "sinful" and my version of "god" sees your heart, understands your search and doesnt condem someone for looking for truth.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think you are thinking too much. Just because "christians" say "hot & cold...dont be luke warm" doesnr mean its correct.

I was trying to edit that to say that just because some say "straying" is "sinful" doesnt make it correct.

Sorry, i get errors a lot for some reason.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Look at who Christ was after the most in the Bible. The Pharisees. Who were the Pharisees? The reli...

Yes, I understand your point. But it wasn't *my* point.

At the same time, you also underpin my original point, the vast majority as you say, aren't 'true' Christians. And that vast majority are the ones that cause the damage.

I get the feeling that because a few people consider themselves "genuine", the expectation is to either tolerate the rest of it, or stick around for more of the same bad experiences.

Almost like the domestic violence I see so often condoned through 'holy' text misapplication.

Which, considering similar trends in other religions Ive been exposed to, makes me wonder about the authenticity of any of it in general.

If development of a vaccine produced the amount of false positives that religion seems to, I reckon it'd be shelved with some pretty strong footnotes and no further plans for development!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I don't think a stranger on a forum posting "but not ALL religious people" is going to erase the fact that many of us have suffered abuse at the hands of individual involved with or through the system of organized religion. And overcoming that, which it seems is what @TheBubzilla seems to want to do, requires a lot of bravery, support, and creative thinking. Not invalidation of experience.

Agreed! I dont know if most "get" how abusive religon can be. My family are the "fire and brimstone" type and that, in of itself, is abusive in my opinion. Worship "god" this way or else suffer a firey hell. Its ridiculous. I think many have lost the entire idea of "a loving god"!

No, a "not all are bad" does not take away anything that us that have suffered "in the name of religon". And it is horribly hard to overcome and then raise a child with good morals and inside of any religon. So i think @TheBubzilla, you are very brave and amazing to ask for support and try to open your mind to this!!

 

[HëllaBubz]

Looks like I need to look up how to use the quote feature!

So, a few quotes I absolutely loved, and my conclusions so far are as such....

A belief system is a personal interpretation or conclusion of outcome of an event or collection of them. What I've experienced cannot be labelled religion, but simply a significant amount of misinterpretation.

So I need to narrow down exactly what it is I want to have as my own belief system, and what I want to model to the child.

Something that is very important to me is a belief system that treats children as individuals and holds everyone equally accountable.

And one thing I've noticed is that every single person that I've had poor experiences with has treated their reference text as infallible and a manual, instead of the history book and record of results of actions it seems to be.

On another note, I've discovered in parenting that if you think you're going to screw it up, you're less likely to because you pay more attention to detail. Not always, but a lot of the time.

The thing I love about parenting is that I get to apply all the rules and boundaries that I have noted I needed for safe development but didn't get, and apply them as thoroughly and fairly as I can to my child once taking into account situation, child's personality, what side of bed we fell out of that morning, direction of the wind, humidity..... :p

Well, I like to put thought it, especially having grown up being not thought about.

Hypocritical experiences have featured heavily in my past, so I want a belief system that has some form of reasonable logic applied that stands the pub test so to speak. Not just because everyone else is doing it, because I said so, or it feels good etc etc.

I guess I'm trying to narrow down what I want, but I'm scared of looking outside the familiar, and I need help with that. What better place to ask than on here?!

 

[HëllaBubz]

Thank you @lostforgottensoul, I'm of the opinion that if no one offers support, you chase it :p kind of a "don't ask - won't get".

 

[joeylittle]

I guess I'm trying to narrow down what I want, but I'm scared of looking outside the familiar, and I need help with that. What better place to ask than on here?!

Check out the quakers, also known as the society of friends. I'm not one, but know some, and a lot of what you are describing reminds me of them.

And: Link Removed :)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Sorry for the multiple replies, thought Id read the replies and just had two more things

may have been what you experienced but that is far from the majority.

But then you say...

Very few people that go to church are truly Christian. Very. Very. Few

So which is it? Those are contradicting statements.

ETA: That wasnt a question to answer but to reflect on.

I guess I'm trying to narrow down what I want, but I'm scared of looking outside the familiar, and I need help with that. What better place to ask than on here?!

Absoutely here is a wonderful place to ask! Im in the same delimma minus the child and can see how that can add a huge hurddle. I know the fear of venturing from the familiar and so to help me I just said I was going to research other religons. Im an open minded type of person, which helps, but when you start to research, you learn what other religons are all about. Or you may rediscover the truth in your religon. Whom knows but research other religons seemed to help me. Before i wouldnt be caught dead in a religious thread but recently have been venturing into a christian thread here and just reading.

So sort of poking around, staying back, and researching all and then sort of countering my own thoughts from my past as "untruth", if that makes sense.

I havent done good with people advising this or that religon. Ive just researched them all and trying to find the one that lines up with what i believe a relgion should be.

 

[joeylittle]

So which is it? Those are contradicting statements.

The OP has said this line of inquiry is off-topic for this thread. If you'd like to discuss it further, please open a new thread. Thanks.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Thanks for that link @joeylittle :)

I'll definitely look into that group and see what I can find.

I currently take the child, after much umming and aahing, to an old church I used to attend, they run an award winning art and sensory activity for children..... It's been interesting and really forced me to invest in regulating myself and learning to stand up for myself.

I ran into someone I used to go to church with, she has a young child, and instantly said the one thing I'd loathed and tried to get away from; "Oh, you're X and Y's child, how are they? "

Not like I had a name or identity or anything, just the child of the hated social pariahs.

Put a stop to that pretty quickly - "actually, my name is X - yes, changed it entirely - and I'm eagerly waiting news of their death while I enjoy life without them."

Look on her face was priceless, but underscores my point...... I want a society and social environment that has higher standards than that.... Not that it should be *that* hard!

I work quite hard to challenge different, and learn to love myself despite anything I'm not satisfied with.

I don't hate myself or things about myself anymore. Hatred should be kept for things that will never change, and I will always be changing and morphing.