Religion & Abuse - Raising A Child Problems

[scout86]

raising a whip-smart child with a moral set, and a healthy belief in self, whilst avoiding the brain washing.

Have you considered reading/teaching stories from the original texts? What gets called 'religion' seems to be what some people have decided to use the original texts FOR. Sometimes good, sometimes not. But there's a lot of wisdom (and morality) in the original texts. Sometimes what you find, if you read it for yourself, is surprising. I don't mean just Bible stories. There are good teachings from most major religions.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I might go and have a dig.

My biggest hang up right now that is causing me a shitload of anxiety and grief is the belief set that if I look into other religions, or if I "stray", that's it, I'm done for. I especially remember the whole verse being hammered into me "those who are neither hot nor cold" and "I will reject those who reject me" blah blah blah. It's this enormous pressure to not f*ck up or I've doomed myself and my family, and I don't know how to dismantle, or challenge it without destabilising myself.

I'm so scared that my resistance to "the truth" will doom me because I'm letting previous bad experiences get in the way, but the "sinful" part of me questions what is truth, and if there really is truth.

f*ck I hate this so much. I feel like such a failure, but seeing children recite religion by rote with glazed over expressions and force fed enthusiasm sickens me.

 

[Gs172003]

I might go and have a dig.

My biggest hang up right now that is causing me a shitload of anxiety...

That had nothing to do with religion that had to do with following Christ. That's where people get messed up. You can sit in church all day but it doesn't make you a Christian any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car. Very few people that go to church are truly Christian. Very. Very. Few. I'm fortunate to know real ones. That is why I'm not jaded.

 

[Gs172003]

Look at who Christ was after the most in the Bible. The Pharisees. Who were the Pharisees? The religious "heads". Deemed "the most perfect". The ", rule makers". He went after them because they cared more about appearance than actually serving God. Thats the point.

 

[Kefira]

@missy meier

You can say all you like that those "truly" following Christ don't engage in these behaviors. That's true.

The experience of many on these threads has been that people who identify as Christian have done serious harm in one way or another. That is also true.

No one is calling you out or attacking you, so I wonder why it is that you feel the need to invalidate the experience of others and act defensive rather than contributing to the discussion.

Religion formed a very solid part of my abusive experience as a child and adult...

I don't think a stranger on a forum posting "but not ALL religious people" is going to erase the fact that many of us have suffered abuse at the hands of individual involved with or through the system of organized religion. And overcoming that, which it seems is what @TheBubzilla seems to want to do, requires a lot of bravery, support, and creative thinking. Not invalidation of experience.

Just my two cents.

 

[Gs172003]

@missy meier

You can say all you like that those "truly" following st don't enga...

My original post wasn't directed at bubzilla. It was directed at the person saying all person raising their kids in a religion was abusing them. Yeah. Ok. The rest was in response to later posts just giving my views as somebody that has seen the complete opposite. It's only fair to get to give another side of the story. People can say they are whatever they want. Doesn't make it true.

My posts are just as legitimate as theirs. I also told him how I felt about how terrible it was that he dealt with what he did. I just hope he doesn't give up because of crappy people.

 

[Silver.]

The purpose of this thread is that @TheBubzilla is trying to reconcile their past in the church, which was traumatic for them, with trying to instill beliefs in their child. Arguing over religion is never going to resolve anything and isn't constructive to trying to help Bubz come to a resolution that helps and nourishes her or her child.

 

[Gs172003]

The purpose of this thread is that @TheBubzilla is trying to reconcile their past in...

My main issue was with the second poster. But you're right. I just hope that the OP can find what they are looking for. Maybe look for something nondenominational and online so you don't even have to step foot into a church period? Andy Stanley is good. Another place to look for more of spirituality type stuff is Gaia.com. just a thought.

 

[scout86]

s the belief set that if I look into other religions, or if I "stray", that's it,

I can understand that. You might want to start with the New Testament. Maybe avoid Paul at first (my personal prejudice, I guess.) Start with the gospels. Just read it like a book. I found I'm not a fan of "Christianity" but Jesus of Nazareth seems like he was pretty cool.

I had written the whole 'god thing' off for a lot of reasons. Had explored about everything imaginable, and decided there was nothing there. Then I made a friend who was a very fundamentalist Christian. But also one of the least afraid and least judgemental people I've ever met. We engaged in a series of theological debates that went on for months. He'd say something, I'd look for evidence to refute him. I'd throw something at him he hadn't thought of and he'd be forced to explore ideas and questions he hadn't considered. And his faith was such that he was sure there was no threat to him in exploring all this. It totally changed the way I look at this subject and it totally changed the way I think about "God". Maybe start with John's gospel because "God is love" is a good think to keep in mind. People screw up. People have a huge variety of motives. Stay with "God is love" and I don't think you can go too far wrong. And, when you look around at other religions, you find that to be a theme that's common to a bunch of them.

BTW, nowhere in the Bible does it describe itself as the "inerrant word of God". It's just not there. I think that's significant. If that were the truth, I think it's such an important truth that it would be there someplace. Not there. Sometimes what's NOT there is as important as what is. I even think it's important to consider the contradictions. What does it mean that 2 gospels describe the same robe as being 2 very different colors? Maybe it means "don't sweat the details"? When I read the Old Testament, I read it like a book, at my friend's suggestion, but I also read it asking myself "What kind of person does God seem to like?" Guess what! Lots of big name people argued with God. (Moses has some great lines.) David is described as "a man after God's own heart". Look what he did. The whole thing is full of screw ups that God liked anyway. There are a lot of people who'd rather you listened to them than read the book, but the book itself is pretty interesting. I haven't read the whole Koran, but had similar experiences there. I think maybe one thing that's common to religions is the ability of bad people to twist something good for their own ends. And maybe that's common to more than just religion.

I think God is love and God likes both diversity and curiosity. Otherwise, why would there be so much of it? And any faith that can't stand up to some serious questioning isn't much of a faith, is it? But, I can really understand how none of this feels very safe. Maybe think of it as a form of exposure therapy too? (Your kid is lucky to have such a thoughtful mom!)

 

[joeylittle]

Given I may not see clearly for the role it's played in my life, and the subsequent loathing, what do I consider?

Have you made a list for yourself of the goals you have for whatever spirituality you land on? For instance, do you want there to be a social (gathering) aspect of some kind, do you want there to be a basic set of moral principles you can rely on as guideposts for your family, do you want it to use a version of the bible, and if so, which one - or would you prefer to not use the bible as a primary text?

Maybe if you focus on what you'd like to get out of adopting a kind of spiritual structure, that will help you narrow it down.

I also don't know what the options are in Australia. It occurred to me to suggest the society of friends (quakers), but you might not have any near you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I was raised in a cult and it was called Chritanity so religon was a HUGE part of my trauma and I thought a lot about this before i left, before i knew I couldnt have kids and after thinking Id adopt. So needless to say, Ive thought a ton about this.

I can't set foot in a church without night my, and every time someone offers to pray for me, it's like a physical assault and I find it majority offensive.

I cant either and yes, its hard for me to see and hear "im praying for you". I get a feeling of wanting to smash in their face. But i know thats about me and so say "thank you".

I dont have kids today and I havent read any of the replies. Im sure others gave better advice that im about to so ignore this post if its not helpful.

I would of likely f*cked up a kid if i had one but when im around children, i change. My head doesnt circle with the cult beliefs and thoughts and i sort of turn into a gentle and rational person when i was extremely unrational a few mins before.

If i were to be honest, i know some morals as i know that what i was forced to do and what i brought over i to adulthood was wrong. And so i think i could have taught morals to a child and raised a child with good morals and to grow into an outstanding person.

Also, my thought about religon was I would teach them about all religons (or let them learn it on their own) and let them find one, if any, that spoke to them and sort of let them be of control of their own religous beliefs.

In my early years I was being raised in a Nazereene church and my entire family on my dad's side are "christians" although they judge and gossip. But to raise a child in a christian church just because you were, i dont know, seems wrong to me. Almost like raising good little christians throughout generations. Most dont seem passionante about their beliefs, they seem to only be christian because thats how they were raised. Not really knowing what it means.

Im not saying that if you are really passionate about your faith that its wrong to raise your child that way (and really not meaning to offend), im just saying it seems very superficial a lot of the time.

Having morals and believing in a religon is very different in my opinion. I know of many that have morals and dont believe in a religon. I also know many that were raised as one religon but felt that was wrong for them and changed faiths.

Im not meaning to ramble either. After some years of therapy im confident now that i could raise a child to have good morals. So it may take some therapy but if you know good morals, and i believe you do just from what ive seen here on the forum, then teaching your child with good morals is something that likely will come natural.

Does any of that make any sense at all? Sorry for the mixed up long reply.

 

[Ronin]

You can sit in church all day but it doesn't make you a Christian any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car.

I'm sorry for the interruption but this line is made of so much win and I am shamelessly borrowing it for future use with bigots. :hilarious::tup: