im staying in a shelter tonight, which isn't really like how you'd picture a shelter, because it's actually a house, and there are 3 rooms, one for the staff member, one for girls, one for boys. I'm staying in one of the rooms and I'm alone in this room. There's a rule about being in your room by 10 and the staff member who's here is cool about it and she says you can stay awake/read/whatever as long as you want, and you can get up to pee or for water, but that's it.
I'm hungry. And my bed is in the corner opposite the door. And this is enough.
As a kid, I lived in a bedroom that was not very much like this one. But I was often hungry, and I could not leave my room (or get caught at least), and my bed was in the same corner as this one.
It's not like a flashback where I can't see the world around me and am fully emersed. It's not like a body memory. And I can see the differences. I list them to myself.
This is a bunk bed and mine was not. The window is on the wrong wall. This room is smaller. There's no clock. It doesn't have the same closet doors.
But still, a part of me feels like what I'm seeing is only 2/3 or 3/4 of the story. It's like there are two stories playing in my mind and I can see this but I can also 'see' that. I am 18 and I'm sitting up with the lights on, wrapped in a blanket that was a gift from someone who I know loves me. But I feel like I'm 8, laying in bed in the dark, watching silverfish crawl along the ceiling, listening to my stepdad down the hallway.
I had this like, idk what you would call it, imaginary friend or something? Who was a cowboy and always stood near the door of my room. I believed in him, that he was a ghost, and I was so afraid of making him angry.
I can almost see/feel that now, all of it. It gives me a little bit of clarity I guess, to have these weird memory things. Like, I don't feel scared. I feel nothing. And so I wonder if that's how I felt then. Numb.
I know there was a bathroom in the hallway when I was a kid and my mom once told me she would hide food in there for me, for when he wouldn't let me eat, but she never did. There's a bathroom down this hallway, too, but it's on the opposite side and I know there's no food in there.
Have you had this happen to you? Idk dude. It's a weird night.
I'm hungry. And my bed is in the corner opposite the door. And this is enough.
As a kid, I lived in a bedroom that was not very much like this one. But I was often hungry, and I could not leave my room (or get caught at least), and my bed was in the same corner as this one.
It's not like a flashback where I can't see the world around me and am fully emersed. It's not like a body memory. And I can see the differences. I list them to myself.
This is a bunk bed and mine was not. The window is on the wrong wall. This room is smaller. There's no clock. It doesn't have the same closet doors.
But still, a part of me feels like what I'm seeing is only 2/3 or 3/4 of the story. It's like there are two stories playing in my mind and I can see this but I can also 'see' that. I am 18 and I'm sitting up with the lights on, wrapped in a blanket that was a gift from someone who I know loves me. But I feel like I'm 8, laying in bed in the dark, watching silverfish crawl along the ceiling, listening to my stepdad down the hallway.
I had this like, idk what you would call it, imaginary friend or something? Who was a cowboy and always stood near the door of my room. I believed in him, that he was a ghost, and I was so afraid of making him angry.
I can almost see/feel that now, all of it. It gives me a little bit of clarity I guess, to have these weird memory things. Like, I don't feel scared. I feel nothing. And so I wonder if that's how I felt then. Numb.
I know there was a bathroom in the hallway when I was a kid and my mom once told me she would hide food in there for me, for when he wouldn't let me eat, but she never did. There's a bathroom down this hallway, too, but it's on the opposite side and I know there's no food in there.
Have you had this happen to you? Idk dude. It's a weird night.
