Repeated Cycle, I Am Losing Myself.

[chicken sammich]

Hello.
I need advice, and support please. It is clear to me, so clear, that I cannot continue to be in a relationship. This is fresh, this realization...well, it isn't the first time but I have stifled and stuffed it down until today. I love him so, he is such a spark and we zing and zang so well. Those moments are lessening, and I feel like my soul is being drained. I need to end it, and I want it to be kind and civil. So I will behave that way. Will he? Probably not. He doesn't fight fair and I just need a boost of strength from you good people. I don't want to go on into a play by play, because writing about it just makes me sad and guilty for even writing on this forum. I respect this man, but the respect of our relationship is absent. So thanks for your kindness and guideance to get me through. (I haven't said the words to him, at this point in time I told him I needed space, and he replied with projectory comebacks - unnecessary, immature and tacky)

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

I'm sorry to hear.It's always going to hurt, I'm going through it now. Sounds like you've got some really good insight and you're mind is made up , you have the urgency but just need the follow through.


Are you ending this over your issues or his?

I noticed that in relationship Ive had the "come here- go away" cycle.. One reaches out , the other retreats, one becomes more clingy, the other retreats more, the first one having enough then retreats, usually bitter. Space is created then the one retreating reaches out , role reversal. It's so dysfunctional.

 

[chicken sammich]

As the minutes pass, my logical thoughts are returning to me. I need space to think and draw strength to say my true and final goodbyes. I'm nervous with his behavior - it can be erratic and frightening, but it is no excuse as a tactic to get me to engage with him in any way. He has no boundaries and has walked over mine, so I feel vulnerable and hence my plea for support. Thanks for your words. They are helping.

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

I'm assuming he has the PTSD then?

 

[chicken sammich]

Yes, PTSD Bi-Polar. Managed with meds and therapy for a year and a half...when he takes them and is honest with his therapist. Since our short courtship he has shared that he lies to the therapist and is very negative about the group sessions. His negativity and constant contact/engagement is sucking the life out of me. I can't breathe!

 

[WildMermaid]

@chicken sammich you sound resolved and as if you've come to terms with what you need to do for your wellbeing. Wishing you strength and resilience as you go forward. :hug:

 

[chicken sammich]

His texts are mean. Why would I want to be with someone who instead of giving space as requested, would rather try to down me? However, I am not ready to say the words to him. I'm vulnerable and now feel like I'm hiding. I will NOT reply to his nasty messages. He may be drinking and I have been reading that I need to just lay low and not give in to his pot-stirring. I need to be strong, even if he starts the suicide speak. That can be a ploy to get me to engage with him. So if he can't get me to fight with him, he will try the pity card. I hate f*cking games. I don't want to play!

 

[chicken sammich]

Thanks for your notes of kindness here.

 

[WildMermaid]

He sounds hell bent on self destruct @chicken sammich you are wise not to engage. That said...are you safe where you're at? If not can you please get yourself to a safe place and let others in your circle where you are know what is going down. Heck I'm the byproduct of a relationship based on threats of suicide. :rolleyes: My mother when she was a teen was in her first relationship and my biological father made various attempts on his life in front of her when she tried to break up with him. Worried for you. Please be safe. :hug:

 

[chicken sammich]

I am safe. I'm out enjoying the fresh air right now cleaning my truck. I will
Meet my roomate back at home in a bit. Thank you for sharing. I have lost two important people in my life to suicide. It makes me sick to have it used as a wagering tool. Sick. I'm sorry you witnessed this first hand glitter. I'm gaining strength and confidence from your reassurance.

 

[Sighs]

Hugs and support @chicken sammich.

Your logical mind knows that you cannot stay in the relationship because of threats of suicide. Try to find a way to get your heart into that space. You are not a bad person for "giving up on him". He is responsible for his own healing and management of his condition. You are entitled to leave a relationship which is making you unhappy. Try to banish any guilt.

 

[chicken sammich]

It's a pattern. I see it now. I didn't before. He is rude obnoxious and I leave when that happens, as I did last night. I checked my phone and sure enough like clockwork he texts me that he's drunk and depressed and it's the anniversary of some combat comrades death. and that he's perfectly fine to drive. I don't understand where I even fit in this scenario he has put himself in. I need to stay strong and not reply.

He has therapists and people he can talk to. He has the tools! This makes me so mad. So many vets are waiting for any kind of assistance and he has all the resources, yet he drinks on top of his meds and I can't sit around and watch him kill himself and take me with him. What do i do? I've gone on this ride before when i answered his messages with loving care and concern to stop drinking and let me pick him up. I can't keep going in this psychotic Merry go round. My feelings are valid here! He doesn't give two cents about me.