Repeated Cycle, I Am Losing Myself.

[Sighs]

How badly to you need your belongings? Are they actually irreplaceable? Because you are irreplaceable and sometimes its better to walk away with nothing than not to walk away at all.

 

[chicken sammich]

yes something very important is there. I love the shoes but there are more out there for me. And I should get my stuff back absolutely.

I am going to call non emergency and see what my rights are and get assistance.

 

[IrisL]

Sorry to say that... I'm a sufferer and I do have a support as my partner - I do give him a lots of time hell, but he every each time he gives me back. If I'm attacking him unnecessarily then he will take me a part psychological way... He let me settle and after for example watch a movie which will triggers me (he knows it)and because I'm Shame of my uncontrolled nonsense emotion I suffer down alone next to him... He does a lot of kind of that thing... And I'm trying to learn from it, but I'm negative that's true- never threatened him I will kill myself, because I think he wouldn't care about it....and I'm affraid I will end up like your partner...

But about that... Honestly if he can threat or can be dangerous to your life pretty please don't go back alone at least have 2 person supporter with you... And before you go calculate everything what you have and what is really important - don't think shoes are important ... But understandable I live shows too...
At my past once I left a lots of objects behind, with a loss of 2000£ and only came out with boxes which can fit to a car. And organised massively the things to he can't be there - left behind my favourite wine which was made in 1985.
Think twice or trice in that situation... I never would hurt physically my partner except if he push it too much and he grabs me in a way when I can't move...but usually I just shout or scream to him ... I wouldn't do more physical ... And he got to me angry when he was physical with me, but I know he is concious what he does and no serious harm he just give me a psychological and physical abuse, because I lived out on him my past and projected bullshit- and sounds dangerous but he knows what he does and I'm learning by that what im doing.
So advise if he is nasty in person with you play back the exact attitude and thoughts. If you know his pattern is easy for you.i don't think he can or will deal with it...

Sorry to be personal at the beginning but because you aren't a sufferer I thought is better if it's clear.
sorry if I pissed you off with my answers but hope maybe a tiny bit helpful for a healthy mind.

Good luck

 

[chicken sammich]

Hi. Not pissed off at all. Appreciate the honesty from
Everyone here. Yesterday he kept poking and prodding me and I spilled my guts with a few major reasons why I left and cannot be with him. His reply? No big deal he can fix this and that.
I'm not buying into his games and I really now think it has little to do with ptsd or bipolar, but more narcissistic and emotional vampire type of behavior. He has tried every method to get me back to that place. I don't want to go back. It was toxic and he knows it, but for him that is an ideal relationship! I'm learning so much from reading and having space away. And I have stopped thinking I will ever get my things back. I just want myself back and better from this experience.

 

[IrisL]

If I can ask how long you were together?

 

[chicken sammich]

Six crazy months

 

[chicken sammich]

Hello. I have a very positive update to share with you. A few turns of events occurred at the end of last week - apologies, humility and forgiveness along with the return of all of my things!!! I was so happy to be reunited with my stuff and the way it was returned was commendable. We talked face to face yesterday and it felt good to speak the words that I had written to him. He looked healthy and happier. He has been to the VA, taking his meds and taking good care of himself. At this point we are friends with a clean slate. What the future holds is entirely up to me. :)

 

[The Albatross]

Glad to read sammich.

 

[IrisL]

Really good Happy to hear it

 

[Born to Run]

That is great to hear! I am so glad you got your stuff back. Thank you for updating us on the positive news :)

 

[chicken sammich]

He is still on the up and up. I have healthy boundaries that he is respecting. I hope and pray that he continues and we can be better than ever. Self included!

 

[The Albatross]

Still not clear what occurred between "done" and the clean slate but good to hear you have a little respite from a "crazy 6 months". Keep your perspective and know when boundaries are set, they are tested.