Requesting help for reframing my situation; Doomsday prepper husband.

[Friday]

I would strongly suggest that in the midst of changing meds is NOT the best time to deep dive into relationship issues.

In my own life I’ve learned to “Call A Moratorium On Major Decision Making” during certain events (Midterms, Finals, Weddings, Funerals. Job Changes, Moving, Major illness/Injury, Adjusting to new meds or removal of meds of ANY kind, etc.). Notice the trend? All high stress & temporary events, where I’m likely to be volatile/ overreactive/ & disagree with any decisions I DO make during those times… as soon as things have calmed down.

Are there exceptions to the above? Certainly!

As well as the kissing-cousin to major decisions; new projects. As in being very very careful not to take on anything “new” (like deciding to do a deep dive on my relationships) until I’m squared away. Making lists of things I WANT TO DO? Learn how to repair/rebuild motorcycles, reconcile with or end a relationship with a family member, start a new certification or degree… these all seem like “not major decisions” in the moment, but in retrospect? Yep. Those are all big deal things. That only seem small because I’m in the midst of something much bigger.

 

[Flying Dove]

Thank you Friday. I agree. Very good advice. I cannot change him anyway. Just me. I need to let go of getting insight into him anyway.

 

[Flying Dove]

My telehealth appt with neurology canceled last night. Provider had emergency. Rescheduled for jan24 2024. Appt was to address my sub therapeutic lamotrigine level for seizure prophylaxis. I have been seizure 9 1/2:years. The bottom dropped for me. Lost hope. I have known about this since 11/7. Husband upset I ruined his day. The doomsday prepper. I got blamed for not wanting anyth8ng but stun gun and not being grateful for opportunity to learn to fire a gun. I had my appt with my psychiatrist who has neurology background. He increased my lamotrigine by 50mg daily. In addition I am waiting for response from the team whose provider canceled. I also called the neuro I saw in May 2023. Wait8ng for his response too. So I feel much better. I told husband I respected his beliefs but we need to agree to disagree. Are there any veterans on this site I could talk too? I cannot reach out to my husband anymore. I am talking to a wall till I am blue in the face. The world situation is bad intractable in many ways but I cannot live in fear. Thank you. I need to keep working on changing me and not him.

 

[Forward]

Maybe a different doctor? Sounds like an immediate need for care.

 

[Flying Dove]

Thank you Forward. You are right. That is why I did what I did. The health care situation is dire. Neurologists hard to get appts with. I called about an appt in Show low AZ but next available appt is 4/24. I live in remote part of NM so I really need telehealth. If I go to urgent care I do not feel anything will be done besides an exam. An ER visit would probably be the same outcome. While I wait for reply from other 2 neuros I need to work on staying calm focused on what ai can control. I have another option I can check out. I know neurological I am fine no seizures.

 

[Friday]

Are there any veterans on this site I could talk too? I cannot reach out to my husband anymore. I am talking to a wall till I am blue in the face.

There are a handful of us, around… the problem there, is that whilst shared trauma “types” tend to produce some similarities? Whether you’re talking combat, CSA, domestic violence, car accidents, natural disaster, etc? We’re all very different PEOPLE, with very different personalities. I can’t speak for any of the other vets here, and I “know” them, much less someone I don’t know.

Case in point? Every single time shits gone sideways around me (rebels overrun the town we’re in that’s supposed to be days away from the line, the fire jumps the breaks and is screaming down the valley we just evacuated people into, flooding takes out the bridge, contaminated water knocks out 90% of the population overnight, riots, epidemics, a so called humanitarian mission = caught between 3 armed/trained/pissed off entites (policia, federales, cartel) equally determined to wipe not only the other 2 but anyone in the way off the face of the map? … list goes on, and on, and on. (I did disaster response & mercenary work, after the USMC). I was never “at home”. Even our supply caches & drops were waaaaaaay cut off.

So prepping doesn’t make sense, to me.

- Looting does. (Marines don’t steal. We acquire.)

- Skill acquisition does. (I learned how to make both antibiotics & opiate painkillers in one clinic I worked/recuperated in back of beyond. Because, at best, they could get supplies hiked in once, or twice, a year. They saved those resupply runs for anesthesia & vaccinations & aerosol delivery like inhalers.)

- Hedonism (enjoying the hell out of every possible moment, with the people we love best, ideally in view & at hand) does.

Doing what we can, with what we have, improvise/adapt/overcome… makes sense. But prepping? Nope. That requires staying in one place, and in my experience? The people who LIVE, when disaster strikes? Keep moving.

So even though I have combat PTSD? Where your hunby’s head is at, and where mine is? Are 2 vastly different places.

 

[Flying Dove]

Thank you Friday. Did not know you had this background. Despite the content of my posts I am similar to you. We only have now. One thing at a time. One moment at a time. Decision after decision but with logic planning etc. He brought up 2 issues again He told me once to let our dogs out of car if he is introuble. They are my documented ESAs. Pitbulls loving protective. This was and is devastating to me. I think the possibility exist I would lose all three. He does not understand this says they are just guard dogs. He brings up another time 3 years ago when I sold a handgun he had so I could be seen in urgent care. We Did not have the $ at the time. Now he wishes he had it back. We live in a remote area of NM small town. The likelihood of all he imagines is very small.. When I am thinking and processing more clearly I see he is living in great fear.,

 

[Flying Dove]

He seems to be reinforcing his fears by frequent news checks looking at self defense weapons etc.I have income from the government so I to go through registration process with ID.me. This was Sunday. I was successful but scared. This process links my info to law enforcement to begin with. I had to say no to purchasing a gun with my DL for my own peace of mind. I have legal issues to be concerned with except my upclosure and court discharge of my chap 13 bankruptcy.,

 

[Flying Dove]

Husband has said repeatedly one side has to win. Is it worth it to him if he lost me in his beliefs? I have read some other opinions about this namely that he is focusing more on his beliefs rather than us.

 

[intothelight]

My husband is a veteran and he went a little wonky during 2020 with the Covid lock downs, mandatory vaccination, riots, reduction in the police force, etc. I was living in a camper on our recreational property as I was on chemo and definitely had to stay isolated from the virus. However, I did move him from a "prepping" mindset to a homesteading mindset. We developed our land by adding a cabin, having a large garden area and added goats. We harvest deer and turkey and will add chickens, bee hives and bring my horse down. While we are fully on grid right now, as time and funds become available, we will add solar and have a spring we can tap into for a water source. For me it is living closer to nature, a smaller footprint and also substantial cost savings when we retire. My husband has calmed down as time has gone on and really is enjoying the idea of developing our homestead/hobby farm. Yes, we have guns for hunting and some hand guns for protection, but mostly for protecting our dogs from coy dogs and coyotes when we are out hiking.

In many respects our place would fit a prepper model less defensive weapons, but it really was about looking at things differently. I think Friday is right about being on the move in case of some disaster as the way to survive, but I'll be happy with being prepared for a power outage caused by an ice storm and not Armageddon. Also glad you are not symptomatic right now and hope you get into a Neurologist soon.

 

[Flying Dove]

Thank you intothelight. I am not able to do this with my husband. He is never going to let this go. He questions everyone who has a different view. Says the facts do not support an alternative view. We own an rv together too. We are in a small campground. We are not off grid. We have electricity water. I would rather be prepared for power outages etc like you. I have been intouch with my neurologist through the patient portal. I am OK and have follow up appt on 1/24. It seems from your post you completed chemo successfully. I am glad for you. Take care of your health. When our health is gone it is gone,

 

[Flying Dove]

Yesterday 12/13. Had to deal with humana CS. The rep said after a search none of my providers were in network. Told her we are done and asked for supervisor. It turned out 4 of the 5 were. I cried while waiting for supervisor. This issue with humana - incorrect info etc- re occurs a lot. Got a call from my neurologist while on phone with humana about my sub therapeutic lamotrigine level. Again a day with too many things happening. Overwhelmed. [He] got upset over me crying etc. He really was unkind and rather bullying me about my emotions. We discussed doomsday it all falling apart etc. He is convinced he will survive and if I say I won't it is my choice. The reality is without my lamotrigine or an anti epileptic drug I will die. I at most can get 3- 6 most supply. In complete societal breakdown I will run out have a seizure and die. I had to explain this to him saying I will die and you will be alone repeatedly. Fear anger are connected in trauma. In my childhood I was not allowed to be angry or say this is too m7ch- I need to back off. I am only human and can do only one thing at a time. I told him again with doomsday I fill hopeless worthless overwhelmed. It is for me cognitive dissonance to have a husband sure he will survive and me not doing so is a choice VS the reality of running out of a prescription and dying. I said we are going to have to agree to disagree I respect your beliefs but I do not believe in doomsday. He really admitted his ideology had caused me harm and he will be haunted by that for rest of his life. Today it dawned on me the covid pandemic began 4 years ago and I am still here. I survived. There is no doomsday- that someone else predetermines because they belive in it. I f8nished my sertraline taper - duloxetine only for anti depressant. Current neurologist told about my new dose of lamotrigine. I emailed them my lab results. To stay with this dose is recommendation for now. Next appt 1/24/24. I watched a movie last night I enjoyed and read home decor magazines online. Plus pinterest. After husband went to bed. No seizure activity

*Third party identity removed by Moderator