Requesting help for reframing my situation; Doomsday prepper husband.

[Nessa7]

It sounds like you did a very good job of getting your issues with insurance taken care of and talking with your neurologist, even though you were frustrated and upset. It does seem like progress that your husband is admitting that his beliefs are causing you harm. I do hope that you're able to get away from him more when he begins talking about doomsday stuff.

 

[Flying Dove]

Thank you

 

[Flying Dove]

Husband still focused on end of the world. I asked him to voice his thoughts. I do not agree end is happening. Many things not good. I do feel a lot of narcissism in society is occurring. Of course I am blamed for this. I know I am part of this issue but I am working on me. I got upset again cried yelled. I cannot really get him to accept that high stress is a seizure trigger. I am starting to think that me and the dogs fall below surviving a second civil war. I told him if I read the news and how I interpret it was up to me. I told him in tears please let me get the medical care I need and let me live in peace. He wanted to buy more self defense weapons. We do not have the money. Flat out. There are already some here. More than one. He has no now to discuss all this with. He did with his brother. They just argued. Now brother has covid again . Probably very ill. His doctor told him there is nothing he could for him.

 

[Rose White]

Sounds exhausting.

 

[Flying Dove]

It is. He is obsessed living in fear. Addicted to news. Getting high so to speak with fight response surges of dopamine and other neurotransmitters, I am going to let him be right so to speak. He will cause himself burnout.

 

[littleoc]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this.

Most humans will stop and help each other. You and your dogs wouldn't ever just "fall below." With PTSD, it's easy to accidentally focus on all of humanity as violent apes, but if you would stop and help someone like you, they would help someone like you.

I do not believe there will be a civil war any time soon. We already had that scare over a year ago now. Most people aren't willing to risk losing everything or be forced to hurt other people.

You're okay right now. And there's much, much more to you than just your ability to survive, anyway.

 

[Flying Dove]

Thank you Littledoc. I agree with you. I cannot help him out of this mindset. Rents are high. Not seeing possibility of going on my own now. I did look today.

 

[Flying Dove]

So. I am inviting trouble here. I just signed in registered with survivalist singles with husband's email. He never looks at it. Itbis filled with emails from my patriot supply etc. I guess he can look at the women on this dating site.

 

[littleoc]

I wonder if you could find a roommate? In the past, I've found websites that allow you to search for roomies. I was too afraid to try it, personally, but I likely would if I lived in your environment.

 

[PlainJane]

Mod Note: @Flying Dove, I wanted to pop in and suggest starting a diary. It's a great place to record all of the things in a singular thread, they're especially helpful for vents and daily struggles. You can also still receive peer feedback in a diary, so you won't miss out on that aspect of the forum.

 

[Flying Dove]

OK. Thank you. Still learning about navigating site. Next post from me will be there.

 

[Flying Dove]

Visit with my therapist yesterday. We discussed the red flags I have seen with my doomsday prepper husband. Before visit he got angry with me over us not being able to talk much. I had been searching options for living on my own. I went out to our car with phone and tablet because he was angry. I got angry too yelling and crying. He began to imitate my tone of voice. Therapist agreed with a least some time apart. I went back 8n telling him we need to discuss separating. I have the income for the 2 of us. He retired last March. He purchased our rv. He got angry. I was told I am leaving him homeless no car no food no way to get a job. My ideas was moving both of us with rv to a bigger town where he can find a job me living in extended stay hotel with dogs. What I see now is a good man who would protect me with his life but a fear of 2nd civil war with me dying due to my anti epileptic drug running out is now linked with him. He says before we met I did not know how bad the world is and I listened to too many podcasts. I did listen to podcasts that described the reality of our world. But I understand media bias undue influence etc. He believes as far as our finances we should " choose" to be able to move purchase ER supply food self defence weapons etc. Our budget is on Google sheets. I do this. His wanting to do so means not paying a bill me not getting glasses our dogs not getting updated vaccines for distemper Flu. Recommended by their vet due to the new canine respiratory disease. I called. In addition I may have to have an eeg which means a 3 hour trip one way to the hospital where it is done. I need new shoes and inserts for flat feet overpronation. My gate is off so there is a fall risk. I am still with him. I need to stay work on me my fears. I told him trauma is embedded in the brain and nervous system permanently and I have the skills to work on it. He said quit talking about it. Worse thing to say. This does not go away ever. You have to work on yourself with your CNS. Any advice insight on reconciling my fear- yes it came from him and did not do enough earlier to keep myself out of this rabbit hole- so I can appreciate his goodness etc and work on my fear? I do think we need to be quiet in the same home. No discussion of the world events. It has been a wake up call too in last 24 hours to see he has personality traits need for control etc that will always be there. He is not changing. A thing I see is his arguments with his brother who is on the opposite side of politics and he sees as " the enemy" . He feels he must bei right so to speak with enemy. His brother and others are wrong. I have learned to get out of black white thinking. He is really not owning his responsibility in all this. I am dealing with mine. I did call a local church about attending etc. Churches have been a source of trauma for me and abuse in past like so many other people. I have had spiritual trauma help plus help from recovery from religion, I think I can return without issues so I can interact be with others. I need interaction especially with women as friends. This is a big problem with me as far as cognitive dissonance.