Respect Chat Or Lose It - Individually

[anthony]

It seems more and more people are abusing the live chat by trying to take it over when within it, consuming all conversation and sucking the life out of others, blaming others for being triggered and other excuses.

I get it, I truly do, I have PTSD... but I also have respect for others being here for the same purpose as myself. Everything isn't about you. You (plural) would know who you are IF all you do is use the live chat to complain about your life, sucking constant support from anyone else, without much giving support back.

If you do it, and especially get angry at others in the chat for your own misgivings, please just be aware that staff will ban you from it. Getting it back means a discussion with staff, more importantly that you aren't going to repeat the same issues... as staff tend to have less tolerance the second and third times round. Take notice... all staff know when any staff member bans you from chat.

Solution

The solution is easier than you think. Stop yourself using the live chat and instead shift to starting topics (threads) in the appropriate sections and having discussions that way instead. That way you get to read things with time, and if you get triggered you can walk away, recover, then return and respond without the emotional blame game.

Easy solution. Right?

My Opinion

Newer members need to follow longer standing members direction more. They know how this community operates better than you.

We don't use trigger warnings, we don't predict something said, or read, will trigger another, because nobody has that futuristic knowledge to make such assertions. What triggers one, does not another, may another, and not the next 100 readers. So please don't make such presumptions, and please do not blame another if you get triggered. It is not another persons fault if you get triggered by something they say, it's just PTSD and its associated symptoms.

If you want to blame anything/anyone, then be accurate please and blame your abuser and/or PTSD. They're the fault, and not someone responding to you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No longer a chat person, but I think this message is long overdue. Thanks for putting it out there for all to read. The issues you've posted have been going on for awhile now. People coming in there and saying they couldn't deal with such and such a topic and telling others to pretty much be quiet. Or simple rudeness like ignoring someone who first comes into the room. The truth is that many people ONLY use chat or ONLY use the forum. I've noticed that the crowds are different.

I guess it sucks that chat is no longer fun?

ETA

Why was the rule of "active forum member" removed from chat rules? That is, you had to be active on the forum in order to use chat. Didn't you need to post so much to be able to use chat? Like it was a privilege? Maybe that would help the issues?

 

[joeylittle]

I guess it sucks that chat is no longer fun?

Sometimes it looks like it's working great. And other times it looks too much like an online crisis-service.
(In my opinion, as a member)

I think it's a great place to practice social skills, crawl out of your shell, have something closer to the experience of a conversation within a group setting, get some quick support, and have more of a feeling of a community mixer. Something like that. These are all good things.

I'm hoping that more people use it more transiently, passing in and out of it, and less people set up tents in the backyard and start operating like they have squatters' rights. Just my hope, from watching when it's really fun and interesting and productive and supportive to read, to where it feels like it'd be better if it was a one-on-one with a crisis operator.

(again - totally my opinion, as a member. As staff, I'll just hope that it only needs the level of policing that threads need, as opposed to multiple interventions a day.)

Regardless, I'm glad for this message as well, thanks @anthony.

 

[StarChild]

Why was the rule of "active forum member" removed from chat rules? That is, you had to be active on the forum in order to use chat. Didn't you need to post so much to be able to use chat? Like it was a privilege? Maybe that would help the issues?

Now that you wrote it, I remembered, that there was such a rule. And yes, although I don't chat (to shy / insecure) I found it to be a good rule; Sometimes, one first has to prove to be mature and self-responsible enough, to use such a privilege, IMO.

 

[Nighthawk]

Firstly I'd like to say we all have moments. Secondly I also belive I myself am responsible for my reactions and how I handle them. I tend to leave chat if I have been triggered as every member can't have a list of each and every others members triggers and what might or might not set them off.

Chat can be of useful when suggestions of tools can be shared with one another. Or just the fact that the others may understand. It does open up the abilty for people to learn to socialize. Chat can be a lot of fun.

Being self consuming and dwelling on trauma only can built the traumatic response we are having. Its good to have a distraction. Anyway getting off topic.

Seeing as many ways of chat and chat rules have been tried I totally agree with the above solution. As we even had lurkers and people who only spent time in chat once they had reached the forums requierments.

 

[anthony]

Why was the rule of "active forum member" removed from chat rules?

Because it got pulled out in relation to streamlining the forum to make things more harmonious to all members. Like above... it shouldn't need to be a hard and fast rule, because people shouldn't pull up, setup tent and claim squatters rights on it.

It is there to be used by all... that is the simple truth of it. The problem is that you will always simply get members who... whilst they may abuse it, they don't necessarily see it that way, but that is what happens. PTSD is a mental health disorder, let alone all the other disorders people have in combination here.

Some people find this place at their wits end and the chat can help them instantly. Pro!

Some people find this place, use the chat, and combine with posting in the forums. Pro!

Some people find this place, and only use the forums to post within. Pro!

Very limited people setup tent in the chat and suck the life out of everyone else, day in, day out. Con!

 

[Philippa]

Was thinking the same thing myself the other day when I witnessed this going on in chat. Start a thread. That's what threads are for...to get support if you need it. Glad you've addressed the issue anthony. Hopefully peeps will get the message...and if they don't there are consequences they will have to deal with.

I can see how it would be alluring to get more instant support if you have stuff you need to vent, but at least realise that it does take a lot out of people who choose to be supportive and listen and show some respect for them. Maybe also, if someone chooses to show support on chat to someone in need, they can suggest to take it somewhere private and PM them instead. that leaves chat for people who just want to drop in and say hi or speak about less heavy subjects.

Also, if people choose not to show support in the way the needy person needs it, they are not obliged to and should not be made to feel bad or guilty for choosing not to give their energy away to someone who isn't giving anything back.

 

[brokenWing1974]

I am new here and saw this bickering, etc. going on the other night on chat, so I waited til that person left chat! I think they saw staff come on ( nighthawk) and stopped. I too am learning how to properly address things on here in the proper places. Thanks, all, for ur support and patience.

 

[Little Flower]

I try to chat and be inspirational or empathetic. I know soon ill find folks
With whim I can pm and give n receive support. I think the bickering is kinda unavoidable when people are stressed. But I will respect the rules and I really find it helpful to be accepted and to appreciate the courage and the dedication of the staff and founders.
With gratitude
Little Flower

 

[Tanishq]

I once had a chat with joeylittle mod. We talked about art and it was very refreshing. Yes, I didn't tell mod that I was doing bad, in fact I was. I just wanted to have some distracting chat. I liked the art talk for a while. I am not saying people to follow this idea. I am trying to tell it can be lot of beneficial to discuss on general and different topic outside of our ptsd topics. Chat can be lot of fun if we use it properly. Like a reset button. It can distract anyone from a high stress. For this, one needs to understand. Oh yes, not to build tents there, otherwise you might get attached to it. So many precautions to take I think.

About triggers, yes I agree with Anthony's idea to start a thread. We all are so vulnerable to get triggered. Just with a word we can be triggered. Sometimes I think people can avoid their matter which triggers them the most. Good solution. Thanks for sharing.

Last two months I couldn't go in chats, I was doing lot of offline healing work. Just once or twice got in. Last week I had a chat, I was trying work on some insight which is helping me a lot. Later I realize that working on insight can take out lot of energies. Now I have changed my mind. Right now I think I will go in chats to have some little laughter and then go back to reading threads. Little laughter has lots of power in it. :D

 

[amethist]

Also please do not come into the chat room if you are suicidal. It sends others into a panic.

What you should be doing if you are at this stage, is phoning a help line or using something that your therapist has taught you.

 

[Philippa]

I so agree with you there amethist. I had a 'friend' offline send me a text at 7 in the morning, waking me up, saying she didn't want to be here anymore, then couldn't be reached by phone and de-activated her facebook.

I spent the whole day really upset and concerned after she wouldn't answer her phone, and cried after I got the message. Turns out the girl was just feeling that way but it passed...she wasn't serious. Why can't people journal feelings like that if they aren't serious about going through with it?

It can really make the other person worry and feel so upset. When I eventually did get a hold of her she acted like I was an idiot for not just knowing she was expressing how she was feeling...at 7 in the morning. When I put up a boundary about her not doing that again she lost it at me and told me I didn't care about her feelings??