Respect Chat Or Lose It Individually, Part 2

[Ed Norton]

E R is terrifying for a lot especially those with PTSD and if you have a bad reaction (like a flashback) they may have security guards tackle you strap yo aas down and give you booty juice...I wasn't there for what you describe lFS but just saying why people may hesitate.

sometimes I feel like I am the f*cking E R sometimes lol

Would be nice if @Crayon came back cuz she is a real medical doctor and I am not

 

[shimmerz]

she states she's ok and leaves the room.

That's where I am suggesting you leave it with her(him). I mean, I think one of the things that Anarchy is suggesting is to leave it and not judge. Then it isn't personal. I 'get' that she may have issues with the ER (hell, I know I definitely do), but her reasons (and reasoning) is her own. You don't know that it is manipulation. It could be that she is spinning around inside .... can't take in all of the input, as you said yourself a whole bunch of people were focused on her. That can just add to the confusion. Personally I think it is a bad idea to hop onto chat when all fired up and it is up to those around the chat room at the time to recognize that this person IS fired up. That is part of OUR OWN healing process. I suggest focusing on that. It isn't up to us to 'heal' someone else, even if she can't figure out whether to go to the ER.

But to waste time trying to label her? It completely pisses me off when other people assume I am doing something for a reason that they have no frame of reference for.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Ok, I get that @shimmerz and if it were, "I have XYZ symtoms, what do I do"; others, "go to ER", her "ER scares me" and that was it...then I can go with that. But it was posting after posting after posting of these life threatening symptoms that got worse and worse but refusing help.

To me, it would he the same as someone saying they are about to kill themselves. It was the continuious posting of symptoms that got me all in "OMG worry to death land".

Im not judging, Im not saying she IS manipulating or was on purpose (and maybe I miss worded it) what Im saying is thats how it seemed to me. It got me super worried were i couldnt sleep, I couldnt do anything but stare at the chat waiting for her to post because in my worried brain, if she didnt then something bad happened. So to me, that seemed to me manipulation on purpose due to the continuious posting after posting on and on of symptoms that ended up worse and more life threatening than the last.

Edited to add: also the leaving only when a MOD came in and started posting; just seemed she knew what she was doing was wrong.

Could it have been unconscience manupulation? Sure. But it just doesnt seem that way to me. Thats all.

 

[Anarchy]

A couple of Zen koans on the theme of help sympathy and detachment:

Tanzan and Ekido were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling.

Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.

"Come on, girl" said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.

Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. "We monks don't go near females," he told Tanzan, "especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?"

"I left the girl there on the side of the road," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her?"

One day Chao-Chou fell down in the snow, and called out, “Help me up! Help me up!”

A monk came and lay down in the snow beside him.

Eventually Chao-Chou got up and went away.

 

[shimmerz]

"I left the girl there; are you still carrying her?"

Something my Shaman kept repeating to me (or the likes of) over and over again. The more I carry people with me, the more confused I get. The endless 'why did they do that', responses in my head of what I should have/could have/would have done. Time that would have been better spent on figuring out how it would have been best for me to let go of others issues and focus, instead, on my own.

 

[shimmerz]

just seemed she knew what she was doing was wrong.

Or that she is terrified of authority figures. Or the phone rang. Or she disconnected because she was overwhelmed. Or.....

See where this can go? Why's..... why did she, why would she, why is she.... ? Pointless waste of energy and neuron click time. Took me almost a decade to figure that out. And yes, this is my lesson.... nobody else's. If it works for you, cool. If not, cool too.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Im not sure how this got turned to on purpose or not on purpose manipulation. Manipulation is manipulation and my behavior before my temp ban wasnt on purpose but was called manipulation nonetheless and my behavior did justifiablly get me temp banned (and very glad it did as it gave me the chance to see no one was here to hurt me) but my point is intent doesnt matter at all to members. Bad behavior, on purpose or not, is bad behavior. Disruptions rather on purpose or not is still disruption. Report it and move on and let staff figure it out.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

See where this can go? Why's

Yes, I def see where you are going with that and that makes a ton of sense.

My quick point of asking why was about myself. Why before my temp ban why was that i had an automatic "defense posture" because i was terrified i was going to get hurt here.

My point on that was if i was asked why and if i knew; maybe it could of helped members understand and not have caused so much disruption on the board or for others.

I dont mean to rehash and the past is the past, I have since changed but I was just trying to give a different view of asking why.

Those things I do understand and Im open to that view as well! :)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The endless 'why did they do that', responses in my head of what I should have/could have/would have done.

Or what ifs, same thing. I understand what you're saying!

 

[shimmerz]

My point on that was if i was asked why and if i knew; maybe it could of helped members understand and not have caused so much disruption on the board or for others.

I have been meaning to post about 'understanding' and what a huge role it played in my PTSD (developmental). I was constantly all about people understanding me. It was a huge defense mechanism of mine. Still working on it, but consciously now. I don't expect people to understand me, and I don't try to understand people. Not without their consent.

I lost myself in trying to have people understand me. I would twist, turn, contort myself in order to be understood. If I wasn't understood? I would twist, turn, contort until I broke. Completely and utterly. At that point I was forced to understand myself. That is when the real challenges happened. Because understanding someone else is a endless and unwinable quest. You can keep yourself busy for a lifetime trying to figure out other people....

It's a great distraction though.... :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@shimmerz remember before temp ban and after temp ban im in 2 very different spaces.

Back then, I didnt want so much for people to understand me so much as i wanted them to understand that what i was doing wasnt on purpose, it wasnt done to hurt anyone, it was simply because i was terrified.

Would that have changed anything? There's no way to know that. I like to think that it would of made less upset but i dont even know if I knew why i did it myself back then.

Today i do care if people understand me. Sure, theres a part of me that wants understanding but that word is miss placed. What I had always have longed for, and still do, is acceptance, acceptance even with all this "nastiness".

Im not so sure understanding is a diatraction tool though because id say 90% of the threads on here are "i do or feel XYZ, can anyone relate?". That calls for some underatanding.

So i dont know. Something great for me to ponder on today! :)

Oh and :hug:s back! :)

 

[Kintsugi]

I'm not going to respond to the rest of your post because it would take this thread further away from the relevant conversation of respecting chat. I wanted to respond to this, though, because it is utterly relevant to this conversation.

Incidentally, you might like to consider what the consequences would be for a forum member who used the terms "insane" and "Bullshit" when replying to a post by a member who also holds the position of moderator?

I don't have to consider the consequences, because I know there are none. "Insane," above, is taken entirely out of context, wherein I stated that saying X is just as insane as saying Y. I did not call someone insane.

Likewise, I can say that something you've said is bullshit, because I'm not personally attacking you, just as a member can say what I've said is bullshit, because it is not attacking me. You can quote someone's words and say, "What a crock of shit." You cannot say, "You are such a crock of shit." See the difference?

These are important distinctions for members to understand, especially because we often see instances where one member is actioned for personal attack and then claims they were just defending against someone attacking them, when in fact they were not under personal attack, and anyhow, we don't give people a free pass to personally attack a member as retaliation for being personally attacked themselves. Personal attack is a violation of policy. End of story.

If someone were to call bullshit on what I say, nothing would happen to that member, regardless of whether or not I'm a moderator. No one here is "above" policy, not me, not Joeylittle, not Anthony and Nicolette.