Respect Chat Or Lose It - Individually

[moonbeam]

Is there a way to make x number of posts required to join chat an option? I have found as well that I will be having a lovely fun carefree kind of chat and then a new person who hasn't even posted ever will come in and go "OMG I need help here is my life story.." And I lack the spine to say 'hey can you just start a thread" because it feels rude but at the same time they have just killed the happy juju.

 

[anthony]

Due primarily to member responses over the past years, we have progressively removed restrictions for the better of the community, so everyone has equal opportunity to express themselves. It would defeat such issues that members have raised to then go back and restrict new members from chat, removing their equality to get help, whether needed live or by posted response.

I'm not going to reverse things again because people lack the ability to be honest with others. This community is about growth, personal growth, and healing... and personal growth means changing yourself from saying nothing, to being honest with others and expressing yourself freely, assertively, without the aggressive component, as much as possible.

 

[ms spock]

There are a couple of people who seem to like playing mind games with people. There are a couple that seem to suck the life force out of people. There are a couple that seem to like playing exclusion games - sometimes they greet certain people and some times they do not. Bit weird. Anyway these people are a bit of a worry. I generally leave, but it is concerning.

I will endeavour to step up to the plate and be more assertive, and practice being more honest, when I can.

I have said to many people that you need to post a thread about it. As you have talked about X issues an awful lot.

Much behaviour I ignore as I sometimes I don't have time to interact for long.

I guess as a community, with practice and discussion we will grow together and get better at it.

 

[Rumors]

I can't do the "poor me" mentality... I realize at times we all suffer, however sometimes I wonder if there are a few who don't really want to get better. I don't like feeling bad. I come here to brainstorm how to get better, not roll around in the same misery day after day. If you aren't moving forward, you are stuck. Being stuck for a sort time is ok, but you need to have called a tow truck.... Just my opinion. 8-/

 

[Tanishq]

I have a thought to get along. If we people think no one is above the chat, then we will find mutual respect and support for each other.

 

[Tanishq]

@moonbeam yes I have seen that some people have made their minds to never post on forums. Just be in chats and seek for instant help. I am not worried about this, why? If the member tries to suck the life out of others I know the issue will be taken care. No worries please and do join us in chats. :)

 

[Tanishq]

There are a couple that seem to like playing exclusion games - sometimes they greet certain people and some times they do not.

I have experienced this so many times. I have learned when those people learn you are not on par with them, they stop talking to you. I am not understanding this, but it sounds like some kind of issue on their end. They must be comparing people in their real life.

 

[ms spock]

Remember @Tanishq that you are a most sophisticated user of chat and emoticons, and that some people don't have your skills in using the chat room.

People will make innocent mistakes from time to time as well.

It is just sorting it all out and working out what we individually want, and as a community want in the chat space.

I am sorry that you have experienced that.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I have learned when those people learn you are not on par with them, they stop talking to you.

Yes, I've noticed this too. I kind of understand it though, when you are miserable and in pain, the last thing most people want is a cheerful happy person who is in a better place than them.

Doesn't help them break free of the cycle unfortunately. I've just learned to respond little when people are fishing for attention...more of a self preservation thing rather than consciously not feeding the beasties!

 

[Tanishq]

@Ms Spock Thanks for your kindness and support here.

@TheBubzilla Yes, People do need to understand each other. Such as having mutual opportunity for self expression. Thanks for your thoughts and kindness.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I have to admit I read through the rules briefly when I first joined but more as a courtesy and the occasional "rule following" part of me pops out. That part of rule following meant reading the rules but it wasn't for the full purpose of understanding how this forum works. Mostly to see if cussing was not permissible cause that meant it was not the place for me and my crude creativity.
How the forum works and the rules was discovered in other threads and a private warning from an administrator when I didn't follow a rule. This pretty much echoes what Anthony already said.

The truth of the matter is none of us would be here if we didn't have some f*cked up issues to work through.

Sometimes people seek drama constantly and they are stuck in that cycle of self abuse. No amount of support can help them while they are stuck there. They will manipulate compassionate people and take and take and take and create more drama. No amount of giving will help them because they are actually comfortable where they are and feel entitled to act the way they do. I will avoid these people at all costs not because I will give and give but because I have a low tolerance for them once recognized, I do not display my nicer side in responding, especially if in a live chat. On a thread I have time to write, read it and then delete before posting (hopefully) then no longer visit that thread.

Then there are those who momentarily get stuck and might say and do things that .... I won't say at the time make sense but they are in that moment on auto pilot and lashing out, not thinking how they might be affecting others but releasing built up inner negativity. They will feel overwhelming regret and shame later that is very hard to shake. I am one of those people.

There are many people on this forum I would like to get to know better in the way the chat room provides. That instantaneous banter, support provided and fun quirky parts that are revealed in live chat that the threads don't fulfill. I will get there eventually.

What this forum also provides besides live chat is thread topics, diaries and articles. If I want to go into my diary and senselessly say f*ck and repeat it over and over for hours if need be and say nothing else, I can do it there. If I want to sit on the pity pot and boo hoo without any constructive purpose than to boo hoo, I can do it there. I wouldn't write a suicide note there but if I was having some thoughts and in the ideation part of Wonderland or if I wanted to relive step by step and graphically work out some abusive event, this forum provides me the freedom to do it there. If I want to try and connect the dots and make sense of things just because sometimes that's what I need to do, I have my diary.

Please correct me if I'm wrong but that's how I understand it.

The threads which I use the most are for posting issues for support, giving support or simply saying or realizing "me too"
They can be replied to years or seconds later. They can be epiphany inspiring and thought provoking. If someone has something to add they can but if it triggers or makes them want to vent in an way that is not constructive, take it and quote it on your diary and vent to your hearts content without turning the thread itself into an attack.

This forum allows that freedom.

There are excellent articles that can be agreed or disagreed with and we are free to do that.

This is a PTSD forum. That encompasses a wide range of "symptoms" that are also considered disorders of their own. At the end of the day the labels don't mean shit. What matters is if you are moving forward, learning, changing and giving back be it in chat, threads, articles or your diary.

That's what gives this forum purpose and I for one appreciate it.

 

[joeylittle]

Very well-put, @Alice.in.Wonderland - great post.