Retrauma and bad experiences help

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Rudolf , I'm very sorry for the reasons you are here. But glad you found us.

If in certain cases I think it's good going against our avoidance through exposure but in your case it doesn't look like it has worked out at all, so trying another form of exposure therapy without any frame, pharmaceutical or anything, to sustain it it just seems ineffective at best, dangerous at worst.

For what I've read here it's quite classical to get worse before you get better, but in your case you aren't getting better.

Did they suggest you behavioural therapies? Cognitive behavioural or dialectical behavioural? Or to work on your traumas in a secure place (as grief said, a hospital)?

I just don't see why rushing through everything like this, it seems very brutal to me and the brain has actually very good reasons to have psychogenic amnesia. When it's psychogenic. Did they check if you could have reasons to have amnesia that isn't explained by other causes?

To be entirely fair I find it quite a bad sign you are in a much worse place now than before since you did so much therapy. Something must be wrong in this approach :-/
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Im sorry that's tough. Maybe you'd feel better if you started taking up some of those activities again? It's tough I know. I also have no friends apart from on here and a walking group that I attend.
 

Rudolf

New Here
Hi @ruborcoraxxx
many therapists now don't understand why my therapist did this either, it's been 1.5 years since my last attempt at trauma work, but alas, neither dissociation has decreased, nor tastes have returned, nor smells, movies and music are the same. But I am wondering if I can go back somehow, or if this is for good. I would so like to rewind time and leave it the way it was. And now being almost dying, and almost disabled, it's hard to know how to fix it. But going to EMDR now I think it would just make me psychotic and suicidal. I've heard of cases like mine where people went from normal, to vegetables, with intense trauma work, with dissociation. My doctor did this because we hadn't progressed all 5 years, there was constant suspension on my part, and he found this radical method of 2-3 traumas in 1 session, over 20 sessions in a row. But alas, I almost died, and I didn't even know how to use the phone, and many other things. I read that it was supposedly the amygdaloid body that crushed the prefrontal cortex. Now I'm looking for a way out, trying to make it work. So I posted on this forum in the hope that maybe I'll find out what will help me. I'm thinking about going back on medication, but it's changing my reality and range of emotions so much that I don't look like myself. And now while I'm looking for a new regular therapist, everyone suggests I go to trauma, but I think it's doom, I think I need to grow myself cognitively somehow.
 

Rudolf

New Here
@ Survivor3

It's great that you were able to progress. Maybe you found your therapist and the methods that helped you.
Unfortunately, I can't go back to sports, my condition is completely different, but I sometimes try to do at least some exercises at home.
 

Rudolf

New Here
I've heard someone say that when there are a lot of injuries, it's better not to touch them at all. Could this be the case in my case? I shouldn't have even touched it. My mother told me that I had something mental happen in my early childhood that my legs stopped working abruptly and I stopped walking for days, at age 2, maybe it was something so strong that it scared me, traumatized me, that it was impossible to treat at all.
I spent my entire childhood peeing, screaming at night, kicking myself every night, stuttering. It seems I was traumatized very early, and didn't even have time to form. There's a lot of mystique in my childhood.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
@Rudolf - from your description of your lack of senses, and feeling like you are dead - those are all symptoms of dissociation, true - but they are also symptoms of depression. Do you mind if I ask, what country are you receiving healthcare in?
 

Rudolf

New Here
About the medication, Propranololol takes away my dissociation, smells, feelings, and liveliness appear. And also 0.5 of phenazepam also makes me more alive.
 
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