General Revelation Re Ptsd Sufferers

[Nicolette]

I am coming up to 4 years of dealing with PTSD. Some days have been hell, some wonderful and a lot pretty good. There have been times when I have hated this illness ([DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/ptsd-disease-or-not-a-disease.15325/"]disease[/DLMURL] as per Anthony's new thread) and times when I forget it is a part of my life.

What I have come to realise, as most would do that there are stages, the good old rollercoaster ride of ups and downs depending on what life is throwing at the PTSD Sufferer at the time, or even the Carer (Supporter) as it can inadvertently affect them. Sometimes it really sucks as life's difficulties are hard enough to deal with let alone adding PTSD to it - no wonder PTSD can result in suicide as there are times in life when I even find it overwhelming.

Interestingly I have noticed something fundamental which, has been recurrent during the 4 years I have been through. IMHO a PTSD Sufferer does so much better if they feel they have a purpose in life and some sort of functionality or 'usefulness'.

Watching Anthony it was initially helping people on this forum which was "his job". That had it's purpose but now he and I both realise that dealing with too much negativity from the illness can pull him then us down so he no longer helps people "one on one" anymore with private diaries like he used to... yeah!

Then when nothing to do, the computer games crept back and the less nice side of PTSD appeared.

New software came out so Anthony went back to developing, designing themes etc so that kept him busy. While he doesn't like direct praise, the satisfaction of building something everyone liked had a positive result on him.

When Anthony was dabbling in renovating he was amazing to be around. While he would be physically exhausted some days, he had to go out of the house (inadvertent exposure therapy), had to deal with people, make phone calls and design the changes. To me his PTSD was the least prevalent then in the entire 4 years to date except for the recent change.

Before I get to the recent change, the renovations finished and Anthony had little to do. Yes he dabbled on the forum designing pages but the drain of helping people individually would offset the benefits of him doing something.

Recently Anthony decided he was going to build the Wiki section of this forum. He is reading, researching, teaching and doing a range of things which have all positively stimulated him.

My revelation - if they have some sort of purpose, being a job, hobby, use etc the PTSD symptoms are less. I am still in shock that Anthony is coming to dance lessons and enjoying himself.

There is hope and it makes sense when you think about it - usefulness/purposes = better self esteem/image = less depression = reduced PTSD symptoms.

 

[Iron_Angel]

That's a great insight Nicolette. My sufferer is writing a novel series. He's got three volumes already and still lots of work to do, but it has real potential, and we often talk about it being published.

This has given him purpose, something to do with his time, and another world that he can go to and "live in" where it's completely safe and he controls every aspect of it. He can talk for hours about his characters, who they are, what situations they get into, and what is going to happen.

I think we all feel better when we have some useful purpose and feel like we're contributing.

 

[Sterre]

There is hope and it makes sense when you think about it - usefulness/purposes = better self esteem/image = less depression = reduced PTSD symptoms.

In my opinion this is true for most people, PTSD sufferers or not. People who do not suffer mental illness of any kind can get really depressed and isolated when they ( for instance) lose their job, or get divorced ect. When people lose their meaning or purpose in life, most likely will go trough a hard time with all sorts of mental problems.

 

[Nicolette]

I agree sterre but sometimes Carers get so caught up in the downside of PTSD they don't realise what can make a difference... obvious yes but due to the characteristics of the illness such as isolation we forget that participating in life can actually help them - we can gently nudge towards that.

There are Carers (Supports) so caught up in the emotion of dealing with PTSD that they miss the obvious. I felt it worthwhile pointing it out as I accepted isolation as part of the illness yet see the benefits of a Sufferer breaking down that boundary, even if only sometimes. It makes me feel uplifted to feel I have someone who wants to go out and be beside me compared to the times of isolation of either going alone or not at all.

Sometimes the obvious is blinding.

 

[Sterre]

I agree sterre but sometimes Carers get so caught up in the downside of PTSD they don't realise what can make a difference... obvious yes but due to the characteristics of the illness such as isolation
There are Carers (Supports) so caught up in the emotion of dealing with PTSD that they miss the obvious.

I don't have a carer( I have friends who are supportive though) and neither am one ( at least not in the sense of taking care of someone with PTSD, accept my own) so I cannot speak from that point of view.

If I feel I get to involved in someone life and problems and my rescue instinct is triggerd, I always ask myself why I feel the strong need to help someone, and where my boundaries lie in caring/supporting/ stimulating someone. One thing I really have difficulty with is when I feel someone is patronising me, by beeing to overcaring or by feeling responsible towards me in an unequal way. I am a grown up woman, I am a single mother and I am responsible for my life and behavior. If I feel a partner is getting to involved in my CPTSD, by neglecting their own needs or boundaries,or by being to overcaring, it will probably make me more ill.

When I'm occasionally involved in a relationship, I always watch out for this instinct.

What I am trying to say is that for instance the phrase you use "we forget that participating in life can actually help them - we can gently nudge towards that." makes me feel like you are the responsible parent in the relationship. I personally would feel patronised by such a statement from my partner. Because I don't think a partner should be or feel responsible for my behavior.
( I don't mean to offend you in any way, I name your phrase but it could have been anyones)
How responsible are you for your partners behaviors and feelings, or their life?

Sorry, maybe I interpreted the core of your topic completely wrong and is my reaction to blurry because of the language barrier.

Also keep in mind, that I am not in a relationship. Maybe because of my allergy towards these dynamics.;)

 

[Sterre]

Sorry, I am probably just missing the point here

due to language problems.

 

[Toria]

The fact that my husband is incapable of doing nothing played quite a large part in his diagnosis. He can't sit down with a cup of coffee and be with his own thoughts (probably an obvious statement, but I feel as if I've had me head in the sand for the past 6 years).

I hold PTSD entirely responsible for the fact that over the Christmas holidays in 2008 he decided to take the wallpaper off the walls in our home. That escalated to taking all the plaster off the walls. The following summer up came the floorboards. Then the doors came off. Then the fireplace came out. Then the kitchen came out, then the bathroom... Then he abandoned that to build his own man-shed.

I now live in a wreck!!!

But it keeps him busy each and every weekend - which is good, I guess. I'm just hoping that he starts to put it all back together before much longer...