Relationship Riding The Ptsd Rollercoaster

[Nicolette]

If you are anything like me, you would not be partial to rollercoaster rides at the best of times let alone PTSD ones.

All relationships have ups and downs, people fall in and out of love and there are good and bad times. The illness of PTSD compounds all these things and makes the rises and falls all that more dramatic.

So how do you ride such a rollercoaster when:

• Closing your eyes and just hanging on is not an option
• You can't scream with hands waving and just wait for the ride to end
• Going pale, throwing up and wishing for the ride to end immediately is just not going to happen?

I wish there was an easy answer for this as not only is each person unique but so is the Supporter along with the situation.

Things I can think of (some of which are really hard to do) are:

• Don't take it personally (really hard one not to do).
• Try and fill the isolation times with a hobby or by going out with friends. While it is normal to want to talk you have to find someone else to talk to other than your Suffer.
• Set really good boundaries - remember PTSD is not an excuse. When doing this be direct, polite and straight to the point and then give them time to digest what you have said.... their brains are overloaded at bad times so it wont register immediately. Rant, raving and venting is for friends, the forum, pen and paper or a brick wall. :rolleyes:
• Try not to push them to talk........another hard one.
• If you are concerned about their well being ask directly if they are suicidal - if they say yes then ask them if they would like you to listen or is there anything you can do. If the answer is no, walk away. And remember, no matter what, you are NEVER responsible for their suicide if they take such action.
• Re-read books on PTSD to help you focus on what you have to do when times are rough.
• Don't bottle it up and seek therapy for yourself if you need it or guidance for dealing with your Sufferer.
• Don't blame yourself and try really hard not to get pulled into the vortex.... if you have to go and get away for the day rather than fall over then do so as only the Sufferer can pull themselves out of their funk.

I'm sure others can add to this thread.

 

[KP the nut]

You may not realise or appreciate it, but you are a wise and clever lady.

As a survivor, you have this spot on. Ptsd is never an excuse for over stepping boundaries and with or without this illness we are all individually responsible for our actions and wellbeing.

 

[amethist]

Thank you Nicolette.

I followed the setting boundaries to the letter this morning, or should I say, explaining why I did not like him going to the pub yesterday, but also saying that I did understand why he did it.

He took as it as it was meant, as I did wait until this morning when he was in the best frame of mind to listen. No ranting, no lecture, just and reasons and my concerns.

His response to all that. A kiss and him saying, "I love you, and do understand what you said. Thank you for not going off on one about it. Thank you for understanding why I had to let loose and go"

But I know now, I also need to find a therapist for myself. Too many things building up around us, out of our control, that need letting out, before I fall over. I have family and some friends, but you can't vent to them all the time.

Amethist

 

[Nicolette]

I actually have two therapists - both with different specialties and my GP is fantastic also for brief problems.

 

[amethist]

The GP who has helped me out with so many things with both of, is retiring in June. Hopefully the other GP that is as good will not do the same in the near future.

I dont trust a few of them in our local practice. Too many irresponsible comments form some of them.