Rituals

[InsideAWord]

I've been switched from Seroquel to Abilify for nighttime and let me just say that this has been a major improvement. I no longer wake up with a hangover and the Abilify has dramatically decreased my intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and nightmares. However, I noticed that the past few nights that I've been performing a nighttime routine that has become a tad unhealthy -- almost resembling OCD. I have to finish three loads of laundry, I have to check to make sure my doors are locked x amount of times, and if I can't check then I start to feel extremely anxious and unsafe. I don't know if I've been doing this for a while and just never noticed but it finally came to my attention when I was getting up a bunch of times from my bed to go check the door.

Has anyone found themselves performing rituals?

 

[billie]

Has this started since the change of meds?Sorry if I have mimisinterpreted what you said? I also have a routine too, but I would probably talk to the Dr about the washing part. Thats an activity that is not usually linked with trying to wind down.

 

[InsideAWord]

I don't know when the ritual started -- I just noticed that they've been causing me more anxiety

 

[arfie]

Nothing obvious, but ya sure got me thinking. Kinda like ya hit a nerve that I have been trying to deny.

I am in a period of heavy transition. Changes in family dynamics, career, etc. It has made me aware of the million and one habits that are resisting those changes. I haven't noticed any pointless rituals, but... Weird habits have a way of sneaking up on me, too. Mathematical rhythms come OCD easy for me... People who work or live with me typically notice them before I do. Nobody's been complaining...

No sure answer for you, but a definite maybe... I think. Could be.

 

[Hashi]

It certainly sounds obsessive/compulsive. That doesn't necessarily mean it's reached the level of a disorder though. I would be very careful to do things to stop excessive checking and compulsive riuals straight away. Otherwise they'll probably spiral worse and worse, which is what almost always happens. (I have OCD.)

If it's hard to stop yourself, I recommend following these four steps. You have to sit with the anxiety, but he explains how and the process works.

Something I'm wondering about is the three loads of laundry? Nightly? I can't understand how you can find enough things to do three loads every day. Are you washing things that are already clean?

 

[InsideAWord]

My townhome was under construction for a while due to water damage that occurred about a week before my trauma so some laundry just kept piling up. Now that the washer and dryer are fully functional, I make it my mission every week to make sure there's no more laundry piles in the laundry room and that there is enough room to walk in there. Before I became functional after the trauma, I had no energy and wouldn't even try to leave the bed. Now that I have more energy and try to busy myself with tasks during any downtime in the day so that I feel more proactive, productive, and in control of my environment. Also, it helps keep any intrusive or perseverating negative thoughts at bay. So, I'm washing the leftover clothes, I'm washing my work clothes, then my workout clothes (I go to the gym everyday after work), and then my mother's clothes. Then, I'll wash the towels. If something looks wrinkled, I'll wash it again.

 

[billie]

My townhome was under construction for a while due to water damage that occurred about a week before my trauma so some laundry just kept piling up.

This is a very powerful sentence you have written here InsideAWord.

 

[Hashi]

If you're catching up with laundry and doing something practical is helpful then that doesn't sound worrying.

If something looks wrinkled, I'll wash it again.

This is where I think it starts sounding a bit worrying.

Regarding the laundry, I think it depends on your anxiety levels around it. If you aren't able to do three loads, would you have anxiety?

At any rate, the anxiety and compulsion you describe about checking locks makes me suggest you do something about that straight away.

I can't actually recommend talking to a therapist about it. Personally, I found that a therapist will react in one of two ways. Either they've got training and experience in OCD, which means they've been taught that you should confront it with CBT (which I find so brutal it's counter-productive) and even then they believe it's a life sentence and you'll only ever be managing it. Or they haven't had that sort of training and experience, and validate to the point of enabling, saying things like it's OK because it's making you feel safe.

Having said that, if this is new to you then maybe CBT wouldn't be too brutal and would be enough to reverse this. The Jeffrey Schwartz video I suggested is a (much better) version of the CBT technique.

I can't emphasise enough how important it is to stop things as soon as they start. I started off going back a couple of times to check the door was locked, and it escalated to the point where I had to spend half an hour checking it every night. Plus all the other things that got added on. It took over my life and has been absolute misery. Fortunately, I'm much better now and still have only a little way to go to be free of it. I wish I had stopped it before it got so bad.

 

[InsideAWord]

As soon as I noticed that the tasks started to cause anxiety if I couldn't fulfill the task, that's when something clicked in my head that something is wrong. That's why I even brought it up.