Running away

[Deleted member 46752]

Wow, to me it sounds like you’re cyber stalking him, too.

What do you mean?

 

[joeylittle]

I'm currently seeing a therapist but am unsure how to breach this subject?

Do they know about the internet incident? If so - then you tell your T that you are wondering if you need to move away, as a precaution.

even the fact I'm on their radar is terrifying

This is worth doing some specific therapy on. It's likely you have magnified their potential power in your mind.

 

[Deleted member 46752]

Do they know about the internet incident? If so - then you tell your T that you are wondering if yo...

Thanks for the response Joey, no my therapist doesn't I have been skirting that incident and a couple others because I'm afraid. Sorry but what do you mean by "magnified their potential power"? Do you ask that in terms of BPD idealization/devaluation? Also I have been having nightmares including these people and fears that I might have adapted their own warped demeanors to the exspense of my own identity

 

[Friday]

Is this OCD or valid concerns?

No one’s actually done anything to you. Yet you’re spinning out with all the consequences of what might happen. These worst case, rare & extremely rare, scenarios that are predicated on... ? Things you imagine might could maybe happen.

To be honest, I’m worried that you’re hanging out around trauma victims to make your fears more real.

Instead of it just being nebulous fears, which are more easily seen for what they are, people you can point to and say “See? It’s real! It happened to them!”

I’m just deeply concerned/worried that you’re doing yourself harm.

 

[Deleted member 46752]

No one’s actually done anything to you. Yet you’re spinning out with all the consequences of...

Friday thanks for your response I value your input greatly. To clarify I didn't say this incident caused my trauma(I have been diagnosed CPTSD as a result of 4 different events that manifested into a stress disorder on top of ADHD/OCD issues). just this incident has caused a flare up in activity namely flashbacks,startle response issues, and heightened OCD from cortisol levels rising.

 

[shimmerz]

So I have given up over 10 years of my life due to a 'stalker' -- a group of them actually most of whom I don't know. It has put my life on hold big time and caused me to see everything through the eyes of terrification.

I am still working through it, but I had to really look at the potential for abuse now. I am going to say that there is potential still. However, I am not willing to give up quality in the rest of my life due to these assholes. That is what I have come to recently. Slowly I am walking through the actions that are allowing me to take back my life.

So I guess the question is -- do you want your life back?

There are a few things you may want to consider when working this out. Oh, and I absolutely believe you should be talking to your T about this. That is what Ts are for. To help us gain perspective. Is there a reason that broaching the subject is so difficult for you? Because that is my #1 thought for you to get this under control.

Anyway here are the questions I am going to ask you so that you can maybe look at this from a different angle. Please note I am not trying to talk you into the fact that you are not in danger. I don't know whether you are or you aren't.

1. Do you get a sense that this person will come to find you?
2. If yes or no -- what are your reasons for thinking so?
3. Were you threatened directly? If so, what was the threat?
4. If this person were to come to your address -- do you have a sense of what they would do to you?
Kill you
Beat you up
Harass you
Something else
5. If they were to continue harassing you online what would they do to harm you? How would that affect your life? How is it affecting your life?
6. Can you close your social media accounts? Is it a threatening enough situation that that would relieve the stress you are feeling over this? If not, what is keeping you in social media if this threatening behaviour is happening?

One thing I know about people who stalk;threaten;abuse others. You don't want to poke the bear. So that interaction you had where you spelled out that this was an evil dude was not too bright if you are hoping this harassing behaviour is going to stop. You aren't necessarily responsible for his behaviour, but you can also walk away and stop interacting with dude.

Just a few thoughts from in the trenches.

 

[EveHarrington]

You are keeping tabs on this person. Their online activity. Where they live. And it’s been years since the bad stuff happened? This is stalkerish!

This may cause a PTSD flare but these are very OCD symptoms. People without PTSD would most likely be running and avoiding.

 

[joeylittle]

I have been skirting that incident and a couple others because I'm afraid.

Question: if you told you therapist, what is the worst thing that could happen?

Sorry but what do you mean by "magnified their potential power"? Do you ask that in terms of BPD idealization/devaluation?

I mean, cognitive distortion. You don't have a realistic sense of what the dangers are and are not.

Also I have been having nightmares including these people and fears that I might have adapted their own warped demeanors to the exspense of my own identity

Probably because you are ruminating. Spiraling.

To clarify I didn't say this incident caused my trauma(I have been diagnosed CPTSD as a result of 4 different events that manifested into a stress disorder on top of ADHD/OCD issues). just this incident has caused a flare up in activity namely flashbacks,startle response issues, and heightened OCD from cortisol levels rising.

This means you need to:
1) Manage your current stress response.
2) Continue to work on the inciting trauma - IF trauma is the real issue.

Remember - none of us are doctors. But it really sounds like you are fixating on this doxxing issue as being the problem - but you also describe it as something that has triggered symptoms that relate to other things. I think that's probably right. Which means, apply stress management to the doxxing stuff, and get back to work on the core issues.

In order to do this, you'll need your therapist. So I'm going to circle back to my first question -

You say you are afraid to tell her. What's the worst thing that could happen?