Relationship Sad To Say

[I4C]

She contacted me last week looking for something for her taxes. Don't take this as being cold but I just couldn't believe this, I helped this girl out when nobody elese would. I opened my home to her and did what ever I could, she didn't want to put any effort into makeing a relationship work, I know she needs time and space and I was willing to accept this. All I got was we should go our seperate ways, and I did. I put in the time in learning about PTSD and accepting it.

The only reason I was going to send her stuff is that she left her laptop, which I gave her another one. She also left her papers that dianoised her with PTSD and a bunch of other stuff. I think I will take Nicolette advise and have a burning session and put this to rest for good. She said that she wears masks to hide, I just never know who's inside. The way I look at it is that she does not want to put the time or effort into making a realtionship and friendship work, it is a two street.

 

[Nicolette]

I am sorry for things not working out for you Buelly and wish you happiness and a good healthy relationship in the future which is a two way street. I know where you are as I have been there. I think it is healthy to find someway to 'end' the relationship in your own mind as 'burning' worked for me. The only way from here is up and I wish you a speedy recovery back to a good mindset as such relationships can really pull you down. Wishing you a better tomorrow!

 

[I4C]

I have a question about being diagnosed with PTSD.My x gf was daignosed in Jan 2009 with ptsd and was in therapy until March 2009 and then stopped therapy. She contacted me in July about getting together. When diagnosed with ptsd, does a suffer really know how serious of an illness this is? I really don't think at the time she really knew what was happening to her. I think she was ashamed or scared to let me know what was going on with her, if she knew. She still can't talk to anybody about her trauma, even her therapist. Thanks for promoting growth through healing.

 

[Llama]

Before I was diagnosed with PTSD, I knew something was wrong with me but I was in an upswing when I met my girlfriend and thought that I was finally better! Then I hit another downswing and was diagnosed with PTSD. I knew it was a big thing, but until very recently I didn't understand just how big. I thought it might take me a year or two to get over it and I'd be fine. I didn't realize that I had CPTSD and that I will never 'get over it'. I'd say that it depends on the severity of the trauma that she experienced. If it was an ongoing trauma it might take her a very long time to get to a place in her life where she feels healthy.

Personally I kept trying to go back to exes when I was in an upswing, but to their credit they wouldn't let me. I was trying to cling to what I knew, and what felt safe to me, it had very little to do with actually wanting to be with that person.

I know this sounds harsh, but you need to let go. The relationship is over. Unless there is something in her stuff that is irreplaceable you need to get rid of it. The best thing you can do for the both of you, is to cut her loose. It's very sad that the two of you met before she was in a place to be a good partner to you and that it had to end.

 

[I4C]

I heard from my X by email today,she is at a very confussing point in her life right now. I told her I will stand behind her as a supportive friend in away that feels right to me, i will not enable her. Our relationship was over a long time ago, just took me time to see through the fog. I value and respect everyone here, you give a new meaning to be a `Warrior`. I was wlling to fight the battles to win the war, but sometimes i didn`t even know what i was battling. This chapter has come to an end, time to start a new one. Peace & Harmony all.

 

[Nicolette]

The sad part is IMHO it is the Sufferer who needs to be the warrior.... Often Carers become the warrior but the Sufferer is the one who needs to assume the role in order for anything to change.

The cruel reality is like the analogy that "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink".....same with PTSD.... a Carer can fight for a relationship but it is only for pain & hurt if the Sufferer is not fighting for it too.

May you find happiness and may your chosen friendship not cause you added pain. Take care.

 

[Frankie]

Hi buelly,

You really have to let go and try to move on. I know how hard it is....but we have to do it for "us".

When my exbf left 17 months ago after being triggered by something that happened at my appartment, he was and still is a confused and changed man.

He also forgot some things behind and I mentioned it to him only after he had called me 2 months after he left, his reply was "do what you want with them".

The first time he came back to me, he did end up taking a few of the things he had forgotten, but still had a few things here, which he told me again to do whatever I wanted with them. I did.

17 months ago, he started a pattern with me...contacting me every 2-3 months and everytime I took him back...thinking that he was better, but I was only enabling him to continue in this pattern....he would always dissappear, over and over again...no contact whatsoever. He always would tell me that he loved me, he missed me..etc....also would say "I am so confused and unhappy and I need you".

I finally had to tell him in November not to contact me anymore, this cycle of coming back and leaving was hurting me too much. Do they ever come back for good ? Could happen, but by what I see, it doesn't happen too often. They move on and so should we.

When I met my now exbf, his PTSD was very controlled and managed. He was seeing his therapist and was under medication, but this disorder is so unpredictable.....who knows what will trigger them and for how long. And of course, they can spend months or years being "ok" then something will come along to trigger them all over again.

My exbf's PTSD started in 1992 but was only diagnosed about 10 years later, he knew and felt something was wrong but didn't know what.

Nicolette is right in what she says......as carers we need to realize and know that how much we might love them, we can't heal them. It is up to them to work on getting better.

Llama, a phrase you wrote hit me real hard....."Personally I kept trying to go back to exes when I was in an upswing, but to their credit they wouldn't let me. I was trying to cling to what I knew, and what felt safe to me, it had very little to do with actually wanting to be with that person."

Wow, Llama I never looked at it this way....you make such a good point, who knows.....maybe this is what my exbf was doing ?.....with (not to my credit) :) the difference was that I took him back in my life over and over.

Buelly, take care of yourself and be happy :)

Frankie

 

[I4C]

Happy Valentines Day to all.