Santa Is Leaving The Forum

[Deleted member 20280]

This is a thread to inform members that Santa (not Laurie) will be leaving the forum as of 23rd May 2015.

I took on the whole Santa persona as a way of brightening other members lives and a way of bringing a bit of fun to chat. Unfortunately I have gone too far into that persona now and am hiding behind the mask he represents.

I am not Santa at the end of the day I am simply me, Laurie Davey a 44 yr old sufferer diagnosed with PTSD with complex trauma issues, Combat PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder with Explosive tendencies.

Santa to be honest has served his purpose and has brought a smile not only to other members but to me as well on occasions.

I now need to heal myself and Santa is hindering me from my own recovery.

I cannot remain hidden any more and recent events within the forum have really hurt me personally and emotionally. I have posted more honest and open details about my trauma past, details I would rather not have posted, hurtful and dark secret details I am embarrassed to disclose openly.

I have done a great deal of soul searching and even more crying than I care to admit but here it is.

When I am next able to change my Username, that is exactly my intention, I won't change my attitude and will still wreak havoc in chat as always, I will still be there for any member who wants or needs a :hug: or just to chat.

I can't be him anymore and I need to be me from now on, the real me, the sufferer who does have major depression and hurts inside so much it makes me sob my heart out just typing this thread. I don't want to hide my true self anymore.

I want to be ME finally and stop pretending I am happy and jolly all the time, I want to be there for other members but need that support in return as well.

I hope members can understand that inside I am fighting the same battle as many others here, I am suffering the same and I am hurting the same

Thank-you to all those members who have and I hope will still continue to support me as I remain a member of this forum.

Laurie (not Santa)

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

You're enough anyway Laurie and that's what matter's most. :hug:

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hey, I had written a reaction and then it disappeared. Anyway I wanted to say much respect for this decision.
It takes some courage to drop the avatar that has served its purpose for so long, shielded you and protected you. I have all confidence that you will break through as genuinely Laurie, and you will, in time, start to feel safe being just that.

Kudos!

 

[WildMermaid]

Laurie you have a brilliant personality as well as humor, clarity, and honesty to every interaction (that I've seen) with others here. Good thoughts to you while you prepare for your new path sans Santa. Losing an old ill fitting persona can be absolutely uplifting and that is my hope for you! Sending big :hug: s! ~ Rebecca or Glitter

 

[shimmerz]

Dearest Laurie,

I am not certain of what has gone on in the forum and I am sorry if I was in any way a part of it. I so feel for the tears you have shed as it sounds like they seem never ending to you.

I understand your need to separate your other persona, the one you used here and why you need to stick with Laurie. It sounds like quite a shift and I trust that you know exactly what you need to do. I support you whatever your choice. I would like to extend to you the same niceness that you extended to me not so long ago. If, at any time you need anything, EVER, please let me know. You see, I didn't see you as that other persona. I see you as a man who is deeply wounded and struggling as we all are.

I applaud you for stepping out and I thank you for all that you are. It doesn't matter the name. Your love shines through.

Love and Light
Shimmerz

 

[holdenmonty]

Welcome Laurie it is great having you around, and proud of you for your realization. It isn't an easy one to realize. I attempted to lie to myself for four years after I was initially diagnosed with combat PTSD and tried to hide behind a mask that I called "normal" One thing that I have noticed that on both this side of the myptsd site and also noticed on the mycombatptsd site is that you are able to come as you are. It is one of the few places I feel mentally and emotionally safe and here is a :hug: for you.

 

[scout86]

You had me worried! I thought YOU were leaving the forum and I would deeply regret that. I like "Laurie" just fine. And I suspect "Santa" is one part of Laurie. Just not the whole picture.

details I would rather not have posted, hurtful and dark secret details I am embarrassed to disclose openly.

I'm not SURE I know what you're referring to, but I think I do. All I'm going to say is "Bravely done" and no harm done either. It's been obvious all along that you had a story and it was a rough one. Knowing some of the details doesn't change the person you are in my eyes. (You're going to keep the super hero avatar right? 'cause it kind of fits!"

:hug:

 

[Ice_Fire]

I'm glad you're not leaving Laurie! I think your decision is a wise one and I know you will still be 'you' online and offline. :hug:

 

[Anrish]

Congratulation to that big step of yours. Sometimes other parts of us help us to survive and give us security...but after some time they are not necessary anymore. I wish you all the best, Laurie - with being yourself.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Laurie, I am so glad you are not leaving the forum. I changed my name in real life because it was so painful to hear that name so I can relate to a lot. You give so much cheeriness, but it is time for you to become the real you and not the pretend you and I can relate to that as well as I had to go through that as well. Many healing hugs.

 

[Nam]

Hi, Laurie.:hug:

 

[TXbandit]

SO proud of you for taking this step!!!!!!! I think you will benefit greatly from this. I stand behind you 100% on your decision and I wish you all the best hun :hug: