Saw My Step Father Yesterday

[Ellabella44]

Quick background : he and my mother used wooden yard sticks on me as discipline for everything, even mouthing off until he hit me on my hands while I was protecting my butt, that I had bruises and the school saw andcalled child services.

There is a yardstick in the cat shelter where I volunteer. I have been using it as exposure therapy. It has gone from a threat and trigger to a very mild trigger. Im down to seeing itand being ok.

Figures as I'm thinking about how well i am doing with it while driving, who do I see walking towards the intersection where I am stopped waiting for two cars. My step dad.

Thankfully I have that I am in a vehicle and he could never run fast enough to stop my car to talk to me as a thought to ground me. I drive off and keep telling myself I am safe. Then panic sets in... hes going to call my house, hes going to show up with a yardstick and hit me for not seeing my mother and him.

Even worse this morning the day after. Seeing him with one of the many yardsticks I was hit so hard with that they broke as I try to get back to sleep this morning. wanting to sit up in bed holding my stuffed kitty and rocking. but I cant wake my husband, he needs his rest.

Hoping that I can get back to sleep with a meditation after the kids have left for school.

 

[The Albatross]

Congratulations on doing exposures with the yardstick at the shelter. I expect it was the unexpected situation seeing your stepfather that set you off 'Bella. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Ellabella44]

I have until next wednesday to go to that shelter kennel near their home again. will see if I can leave there a different way from now on. and will probably have to start again on getting that yardstick to be an object again. been telling myself im ok, but hearing panic in my voice when I talked to the kids.. I'm not ok. not right now...

 

[The Albatross]

Not necessarily... the trigger was seeing your stepfather... not seeing the yardstick. You saw him unexpectedly and reacted. That is all.

 

[The Albatross]

First off, switch to rational mind. You were in a car, he was on foot. Then play it all the way to the end where you are safe. Is it rational that he will show up with a yardstick? Does he know where you are/has he known?

 

[ladee]

@Ellabella44, I totally understand ! A yardstick is what my mother used. How awesome that you did exposure therapy with the one at work. Sorry you had to see your step father, but you are safe at home. Hope you day gets better and better. Thank you for sharing, made me realize it has been a long time since I thought about the yardstick and had no reaction reading your post... Good for both of us!! Sending gentle hugs for a good day.

 

[J_trustno1]

Hi @Ellabella44: first of all, well done for doing exposure therapy as it is not so easy to deal with your triggers but you've made a huge progress. Secondly, I'm really sorry to hear what you've gone through because nobody deserves this kind of treatment. Whenever I read this kind of abuse on anyone, it just hurts me and I always ask "how can someone be this cruel and hurt a child or an animal or another person?". Seriously, don't understand why humans have to be this cruel :( :(.

 

[Ellabella44]

you're right @The Albatross . after a nap without him showing upin it, I cant let this push my progress back. Yes they know where I live and luckily I have a sis in law enforcing no contact.

Legally they can not use a yardstick on me ever again since that day the school saw my hands which is when anything leaving a mark stopped. I did that. I stoped them from being able to use it on all of us (myself and brother and step sisters)

I need to look at where I have power. I am safe. My husband and kids and now even laws wont let them hurt me like that ever again.

I hate that the damage is done. That my first reacion to them is fear.

@ladee and @Jass_T growing up I thought this was normal parenting not abuse. Though I cant remember being over a friends house and their parents using a yard stick on them or dragging them out from under a bed to get what they deserved.

a problem is how do we teach kids this stuff isnt normal parenting.