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We got married yesterday...

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The result from this is that my sister and I are being estranged. Our contact is going to be birthdays and Xmas. It has been too much for too long. As long as I don't stand up for myself and do what she wants when she wants everything done. Otherwise there is conflict. She is terribly passively aggressive, and she is always right and she doesn't own her stuff.
 
I'm crying as I read your story. I love that the wedding went off well, and that you used your skills to keep in the present. I am upset with B for being absent too! I won't comment any more on that, since I will probably piss everyone off. I think you came to a good decision concerning your sister. She won't change, she can't even recognize that something is wrong, and it is best you have control of the relationship.

I also want to note that you are amazing for planning and executing a beautiful wedding, and the care and concern you show Papa Bear, and I truly hope that you continue to heal as well as you are doing now. Not that you wouldn't, but you still are a rock star about working at healing. I have to take breaks from it sometimes, and let the new stuff sink in. Love to you.
 
I'm crying as I read your story. I love that the wedding went off well, and that you used your skills to keep in the present. I am upset with B for being absent too!
Thank you for your reaction. It means a lot. I was hoping to catch up with you on Skype at some point. I am still a bit shell shocked from it in a way but so many things have happened. I haven't had the time to take a breath.

I won't comment any more on that, since I will probably piss everyone off.
Comment away - it is always good to read other ways of thinking and doing things.

I think you came to a good decision concerning your sister. She won't change, she can't even recognize that something is wrong, and it is best you have control of the relationship.
Yes I cannot manage her in my life. I keep losing it. I become destabilised after having contact with her, talk to her or see her.

I also want to note that you are amazing for planning and executing a beautiful wedding, and the care and concern you show Papa Bear,
Thanks we did really well with that. I am very proud of this! Papa Bear is really happy.

and I truly hope that you continue to heal as well as you are doing now. Not that you wouldn't, but you still are a rock star about working at healing. I have to take breaks from it sometimes, and let the new stuff sink in. Love to you.
Thanks! I am really struggling at the moment. I am having a shocking time with visions of the past overwhelming. I am barely able to be present or manage at this time.
 
Your ceremony sounds beautiful. Congratulations!

When I was reading your posts, I was reminded of some advice my old t have me. My mother got remarried during a difficult time for me. Things were shit before and after it and also kind of shit during it. She told me to try to pause when I am reminded of something negative from that time and think of one thing that was good. After I've taken time to feel all the difficult emotions, I think about another good thing that happened. I end up mentioning in conversation a little too often how good the grapes were, but it has been a few years and I feel like I have managed to turn it into something I feel good about when I am reminded of it instead of feeling all the pain.
 
Sometimes when I am overwhelmed, I allow myself some time to dissociate. I really feel that it was a coping mechanism for so long, I still need to use it sometimes. I set an alarm, and let myself dissociate. When the alarm goes off, I make myself come back to the present.
 
Well my sister continues the behaviours of this day with a wild array of excuses, accusations and attacks via post. It is so good we are no longer seeing each other face to face. She is as truthful as Donald Trump and her excuses and stories change from card to card.
 
After all this happened I stopped talking by phone to my sister. She texted B, so I got B to block her mobile number. The boundaries were no calls just letters and cards again. That is working out much better for me now.
 
First, best wishes for your marriage. Second, I think it is true when I say "I know how you feel" when you say "you are screwed if you cut off contact and screwed if you keep contact" THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE. and I say that to say IT HURTS LIKE HELL and it so mind-spinning. The afternoon after your wedding sounds very sad. I would feel sad if my guy left for two hours aferwards. I totally get the all the "gift things" your sister did, the "time" she took; but then the relational - heart to heart- just isn't there. It's like not being "seen" or "heard" -- You are an incredibly kind and thoughtful person. I hope with time that the good memories of your special day will rule your thoughts. It's soooo understandable to be triggered and hurt. I also want to say, you did really well! Getting married is STRESSFUL, and stress has this way of causing all the ptsd crap to rise to the top! You did so well handling your symptoms. Right now my wish for you is Happiness! you deserve it.
 
Thanks @hithere! Today, right now I am happy! Thanks for your empathy and compassion, it means a lot!

I still struggle with what happened with my sister that day because I can no longer deny who she has become!
 
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