Supporter Scared And Unsure

[Merf]

I'm not really sure where to begin, so I'll just go from the here and now. My bf was recently diagnosed with chronic (combat) PTSD. I also think he has depression and he has told me his dr has said he is borderline schizophrenic. Right now he has shut himself in the kitchen of our one bed flat, and has been blocking me out (with aggression, shouting, swearing and abuse if I try to talk to him) since yesterday morning, when he stormed out after yelling at me for opening the curtains at 11am. I am so frightened, I don't know what to do. He threatens me, threatens himself, shouts. I'm trapped here with him. He won't talk to me and he sure as hell won't move out. He has nowhere else to go really and there have been many occasions where he will wander, or sleep on, the streets or in a local park. The thing is, I can't take any more. I have tried to be there, support him, even before his diagnosis as he went into self destruct, but I fear I am just enabling him. Before his diagnosis I would have just outright said he was an abuser. But now I don't know what to do to keep us both safe. I'm not sure if something triggered his ptsd yesterday to make him go off at me this way, he tells me nothing. I really don't know what to do. I have work in a few hours, he threatens to leave and not come back, (and he probably will disappear for a bit but tends to now come back), but that leaves me worried because he's threatened and told me he's tried to commit suicide. He says that it's my fault cause I wouldn't leave him alone, that I am crazy when I try to get him to snap out of his rages. But how do I just sit here and ignore what's going on? I'm genuinely frightened. He would shut me out for weeks if he could and I'm so torn between wether PTSD is a good enough excuse or if I'm just stuck with an abusive manipulator. Can anyone tell me how they got through their partners diagnosis? How should I handle this situation? I fear for the both of us and have nobody I can turn to about this.... It all is so much deeper and more complicated than this one issue, but thought it's as good a place as any to start. Apologies for any rambling, I'm on three hours sleep between these episodes of trying to get him to talk and him locking himself away.

 

[EveHarrington]

<delete unwanted input>

 

[BlueOrange]

Your first duty is to your own physical safety.

PTSD is not a good enough excuse for anything that compromises your safety. You're scared, and if he's terrorizing you, then there is no good in this relationship, all you can do is enable the terrorizing behaviour. Regardless of the reasons (which might include PTSD), the behaviour you've described is abusive manipulation.

Get yourself safe first. You can't be good for someone else if you're not safe.

 

[pixel]

Hi @MissF , sorry to hear what you're going through.

I want to second what @EveHarrington and @BlueOrange advise.

They are both very kind & compassionate, caring people. They don't give flippant and random emotional advice, so please seriously consider what they are saying.

You sound like a lovely, empathetic individual and you do not deserve to get hurt.

 

[Merf]

Thank you.

I did think to try that but I'm not sure how much his GP will talk to me because of patient confidentiality. He hasn't been diagnosed with schizophrenia but he came back from his appointment last week and said that his dr was concerned it could have progressed to that stage if he hadn't sought help there and then. He went to speak with someone from a MH charity and looked at the services they offer, and things were on the up. He does have a therapist as well though they know little about combat related PTSD. Things just seem to have come crashing back down and I suspect it's due to a night terror. He sleeps in the living room most nights because of these. But because he won't tell me, not even a 'I need to be alone right now', I'm at a loss and really feeling at my wits end. He served for over six years, two tours, saw some unspeakable things and he also suffered as a child. If a dr cannot help right now I just need some coping strategies. Usually I can talk him down quite quickly but I'm not sure how to let him go through this and not take it personally.

I have nowhere else I can go right now, though I'm due to go away the end of this week. I just need some interim coping strategies for this isolation. He gets angry only when I try to get him to stop shutting me out. Otherwise he will just quietly go about his business, it's hard when you live in such a small space and you want your loving happy bf back

 

[Merf]

Thank you @pixel I will be taking all the advice I can get, and probably already know the half of it, things just feel so mixed up right now, we are on a real rollercoaster

 

[pixel]

The beauty of this place is having people who understand, yet can still offer objective perspectives.

 

[BlueOrange]

It can be extremely painful to watch someone suffer, to see that they are in pain and to feel unable to do anything about it. However, given the situation you've described, that might be what you need to do. If things are OK unless you try to get him to open up, then perhaps the thing to do is to let him stay closed. Therapy can be difficult, painful and tiring. He sounds like he's attending therapy, so you might be best served by letting the therapist be the one to do that (difficult and often risky) work.

 

[EveHarrington]

<delete unwanted input>

 

[Merf]

Thank you @BlueOrange I know I should leave him be. I'm really struggling with his diagnosis and try to educate myself as much as I can. I've read that PTSD quite often leads to those closest being isolated. He has very very few people in his life and seeing him like this breaks my heart but it scares me as well, because I know what he can be like. Before this he was working on his anger and need to control or manipulate situations/people, it was really helping and he was so open. But an anniversary triggered him and I've just watched him fade away and be replaced with this angry shouty person.

@EveHarrington I take this on board. I do trust that he has told his dr everything, though this trust may be misplaced. The surgery he attends has a few GPs.... if I were to ring up would they tell me which one is his?

 

[redsandy]

I'm new here.
I have thought my husband is an abusive Bastard narc until ptsd was brought up by my padre
I too - and the guys here will tell you as well - have been way too understanding of shitty behaviour
Girl, your man has flipped
He has a brain injury, brain injuries are very often fatal
Phone an ambulance - and the police,,,, and stay right out the way when they are taking him, it won't be nice to watch.
I am struggling to get my husband to acknowledge he needs help,,,,, I'm so very sorry for your situation,,, and I'm scared the same may happen with my man too
But know one thing - you are NOT alone.
X

 

[SherryAnn]

I'm not really sure where to begin, so I'll just go from the here and now. My bf was recently diagnosed w...

Hi I am sorry to hear about this I hope you will both be ok.
It sounds like your boyfriend needs to be hospitalised at least until his illness is managed.
Contact his doctor who will be able to help or the hospital.
I hope it works out.