Scared by the rapid increase in prices


I keep finding myself in the same situation every week or twice a week. If I get my next bigger (monthly pay) I can try to get myself out of that cycle. But at the same time, these financial challenges are part of a huge trigger for me, so my coping is... questionable. Everything is chaos right now. And finishing my work batch to get paid is getting more difficult and more postponed. And the more postponed it is, the more postponed everything else gets (other jobs hunting, because if I have the time, it should be for this deadling, everything requiring money, including a few bills and one trip back home for documents, proper filling food, the money to see my friends- and the time, fall/winter wardrobe, because my body changed and only few things fit, home repairs).

It's like my life is suspended in dead air, waiting for me to finish. But that is too much pressure so my productivity is at 1/5th of what it usually is and at this rate I won't finish a week's worth of work by December. It's like a stupid magic circle and I know only getting myself out of my circumstances snaps me out of the loop in my head. But also, I'm out of financial cards, so whatever I manage to get covers survival and that is all. I have no more leverage.

This is one of the times I would have used and overused a credit card if I had one, no matter what people think of them. Sometimes you just have to do things that aren't the best but are necessary. I don't have one, so I've used every card in my deck. And it's so frustrating to feel like this every 3-4 days. At this point I automatically feel this way because I know that moment is coming. Like now. I'm not out of supplies yet and I'm home for the day, trying to make a dent in this chaos I created (backlog of work, laundry, dishes and cleaning). And I'm okay today (physically), and I know with some effort, hey, maybe I can even make it the week. But I used everything I could to get here. My full pay, side pays, loans, pawn/sell. I need to finish this deadline and also create more work for myself to not have this trend continue, but I feel like I'm in quicksand. I've never felt so powerless except when I have no work. It is killing me that last year with that pay I would have needed 70% of it to be okay. It's brutal. And I have so much work to do just to get 50% of what I will need. And so many things that are waiting for me to take care of them. This month is brutal. I haven't needed to be this creative in getting cash in a while. I feel wiped, yet I need to work full hours or more.

I feel SO STUCK. Everything I can do feels so huge. Everything I should be doing to make sure this doesn't happen again, feels impossible.
I'm caught in a storm and I can't find a way out.