Screw The Coke It's Straight Crown Today

[thomas.robinson.54966]

1. Drowning my sorrows 2. Celebrating getting my 30 day review in my new job allowed to stay for another 30 days.

Well I know I should be drinking American whiskey but I like crown royal sorry. I am trying to kill the pain. I wrote yesterday of what happened. I didn't write it all raven you have had me thinking all day. Well when I tried to keep my gf from leaving an abandonment issue I have we stood face to face in the hotel room hallway. To make things worse this was at shades of green maybe the VA needs to put a psych doc there 24 and 7. She put her finger in my face I told her I would bite it if she didn't remove it. She didn't. I am 110% triggered at this time. So I tried to bite it I don't know if I did or not. Then she hit me across the face. Then again knocking my glasses into the bathroom. From here it is cloudy the next thing I know she is under me on the bed and I have here by text neck and jaw bone with my right hand. I immediately let go for you who think I am a pos I am sorry you feel that way. I am sorry I did it. I wish I could have stopped it. I may have been a tank mechanic but in my 24 years I have seen a lot of action especially closer tan I ever expected.
I wish I could undo this. I wish I could just suck fire a 9mm pistol right now. But the VA has me on f*cking. Prozac, so no worries about me slitting my wrist, jumping off of a bridge or driving my car into a tree. Wish I was in Iraq kill me some ISIS mother f*ckers. Before they cut my head off on AlJazeera. To my former? Love I am sorry. I really loved you. Sorry I am just f*cked up and will never be right I hope you all do better. Love you troops

 

[19K30]

Damn brother you have got some serious issues going on. I hope shit gets better. BTW I used to love riding inside the AD8's in the winter time when our Abrams broke down but that's only when the heater worked.

 

[FishNH]

Hey brother, theres a lot of shit going on. Im with ya bro. Found some shit last Friday that was really f*cked up. It hurts losing a love but it makes us stronger. You cant change the past, just the future bro. You should look into an inpatient PTSD program. Im in one now as I type. Its helping me a whole lot. I hope youre safe man. We cant handle this shit by ourselves. Its not weak to take a knee and admit you need help.God bless brother and you in my prayers.

-Dave

 

[combatgoldfish]

The only thing that got me through my last major break up was the gym and staying busy. It got better over time.

I'd go to Iraq right now if I could. Back to the structure, stay alive and keep your brothers alive. Life simplified. Wait at the gate, gear ready, waiting for the call on the radio to move out. Jumping up down in my gun turret, which I called my "Go go dancer's platform", rock music playing on full volume to get pumped up to cause as much damage and chaos as I could one they opened the gate to let our group of angry misfits out.

I miss those moments.

 

[dutchiedelta]

Thomas, you okay there? You in bed with a hangover from that bender?
If you are up to it, a little word of yours would be appreciated. Just to know you're around.

 

[thomas.robinson.54966]

Thanks for worrying. I am ok. Just going into a shell.

 

[dutchiedelta]

If you feel like isolating, consider maybe you have two options.
Isolate yourself and be free of stimuli but also away from things/people that might lift you up.
Or reach out to whoever is there. Therapist, friends, the forum.
You know yourself best.
You're not alone, that's all.

 

[FishNH]

Listen to this song "Battle in distress" by Soldier Hard. We're here for eachother brother...

 

[thomas.robinson.54966]

Thanks all. I really screwed up. I feel I lost my soul.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

My step-dad did the same thing to my Mother while I was in Afghani-land. They had already had years of bullshit. That one night of drinking for them was the final straw. I was going to kill him when I got back. But when I spoke to him on the phone he was already defeated. Never heard him like that before. Talking about suicide. I was so pissed, he's incredibly lucky I was so far away and had months to focus on other shit. I haven't really spoken to him since then. Still works for the government.

From what I hear from my youngest sister, he has a new girlfriend and a whole nother reality these days.

Not saying anything about you Thomas. Just trying to relate with what I can. Get some help bro, you'll be alright hang in there.