Sufferer Searching for answers. raped in home by coworker.

[brenda3333333]

I have been searching for answers since I was raped in my apt by a coworker. T took me over the edge I stood on a rooftop ready to jump. I knew I needed help. Won a lawsuit and family used me for that and left me homeless. Got help cac then finally won case for SSI and back pay moved to a small town to help extended family took everything i had to move. My problems got worse woke up fifth day here with doors wide open I check them all night long and recheck and recheck to make sure I am safe. Not safe it has been happening all along maintenance came in illegally and reported to police. My new manager landlord and his maintenance crews have keys no one but me has mine. Flashhbacks all night terrors got worse no sleep and doors still open even the screen door has been taken from when I moved in to where it can be pulled opn she locked. Reported same money missing meds , clothes, food, jewelry, crosses, little things big things kitchenware pans shampoo conditioner laundry soap detergents cleaning supplies you name it even toilet paper my birth certificate my sons gone .

This is low income landlord said approved 169 I make 833 moved her and he made me pay 450 for several months then as I complained the problems got worse more police reports more problems even take mail and read it they have keys always come home things moved or gone. Feel insane now found out lease illegal cant sleep not eating stopped meds because they come up missing and I am far from drs. And therapists. Scared shitless nightmares worse than ever feel like I am going to have a heart attack ot who ever is doing this is going to take and kill me. Come into apt smell cigars and alcohol after been out of town. I don't drink have had cigars many years ago also perfume dont wear because the scents give me flashbacks to my rapist try to hold it together other aspects make things worse now nightmares are more real than ever with faces of the ones I believe are doing this are added I am drowning beaten raped over and over again.

My therapist sees I am trying to hold it together but knows I need help no one to turn to know only ex and family my son just got out of prison two years ago and his girlfriend and I don't get along she's a cintroll freak amd wants me out of his life and has said it to my face he believes her after all I did while he was in dont figure alone started helping elderly neighbors fro. Get go seen many things that should never happen too them in this community. Dont know who to trust went to lawyer federal un library illegal lease told to stop paying I over paid. I did now an eviction went to hud not hud housing dept of agriculture went to elderly services in alma they took copies of lease nothing no contact back I don't know where to turn even to president and Ben Carson now 5day notice I have nothing and no where to go have just gotten a cat to help.me calm down and he has to some degree but now thus dont know what to do contemplating suicide have a granddaughter cant leave her that legacy need help drastically I obtained my associates degree human services before rape found I was sexually abused by cousins memories surfaced over time just kept hurting them and a priest when I helped the carnival there. Same over years abusive verbal and physical abuse by men. Family same verbal and physical from young on.

Told I just had to much on my plate by first ss psychologist had no therapy cant find a psychiatrist that takes state and Medicare where do you go what do you do I have called everyone so lost cant even think wake up screaming tossing my bed awake pacing endlessly and thoughts running rapidly. Have a foster sister she's bypolar sczophrenia have helped her for years her friend just died on her couch we believe overdose at thirty six. Have taken care of everyone just don't know how to help myself. Please someone tell me thiers an end to this nightmare I cant live like this and these people know they are doing this to le they watch and know when my car is gone I am. Put camera up across street they know its there has stopped since last police contact foe help. I just don't understand or get it why me...

 

[Sargonnas]

Sad state of affairs Brenda, the first thing I would do is change the locks on the doors and maybe get yourself a dog. When will this all end no one but yourself knows. Your house should be your safe haven and if it is not then I suggest you move if that is possible. I see you are from Australia as am I so I am more then happy to help

But one thing I will say is that suicide even tho it may seam the best option is the answer. My brother took his own life and left our family devastated. You can do this Brenda

Brenda, why not add yourself to this site and we can talk cause obviously you need someone to listen

 

[brenda3333333]

Sad state of affairs Brenda, the first thing I would do is change the locks on the doors and maybe ge...

I am from Cochrane,WI. I moved here last July and have been lost worse than ever cant sleep nightmares worse than ever been having panic attacks and feeling of not being able to trust anyone and that makes this ao much worse. I believe it started when I was young just able to not let anyone see the difficulties I had. Thought it was from my parents divorce till I had dreams in my thirties of a male cousin and a female cousin touching and hurting me.

I just worked more and kept myself busy and changed my sleeping habits. It got better I was raped in my late twenties to and my ex and his friends did some heinous things to me I never knew my sleeping son woke to this and kept silent.he thought he was dreaming. I moved up here to help my sons grandpa parkingsons/ dementia. I have helped so many up here elderly that have been alone for so long that have troubles with age and making meals. I thought I was doing a good job was suppose to get paid through a company but that never materialized right.

My ex is up here to he dont remember any of his drunken brawls and forcing sex on me even when I slept cant stand the.smell of beer from him all these years he has never changed when he started touching me while drunk I stopped going there than I was alone again stuck in an apartment that keeps having break-ins' and it happened early morning around 3-5 when I am here. Other times when I leave in my car they know I am gone. They know I have PTSD I told many up here because I am not ashamed of the diagnosis and why lie about it. They have taken so much from me but mostly my safety and security and my mind is not handling the situation right at all I am constantly over thinking things nightmares adrenalin rushes my heartbeat feels like its I ram a million miles sweating screaming I my sleep.

I would rather not sleep and have gone twentie days without total sleep it scares me worse I began cat naps setting my alarm to 20 minutes and.get up again wait another 1/2 hour and do it again this way I don't hit rem sleep but that is exhausting and I am still worn down I am 52 all my life I suffers bad dreams but these are a million times worse. Lost my boyfriend from this lost so much I can't bare the thoughts family treats me like I have leprosy and can't understand my problems at all so no support system there my son has his own issues and talking with him he just calls me nuts even to my granddaughter. I do have a nephew that after the rape let me help him with his children they love me dearly and stick up for me when the family talks behind my back. Believe me they have many issues also my family that is they take whatever they want and I have distanced myself many times throughout life but they are family all I have so I put up with it.

They trigger many things in me even my mother I still hear screaming at me all the time and hitting me I feel like it was real all over again. I keep having issues and keep looking up everything cant afford self help book but read many things online. The meds make me sick and the night.ones I end up hurting myself on wake with bruises on my knees and elbows. Still have nightmares on same it does not matter this all started in 2011 and has been worse all along but this place makes it a hundred times worse. My family tries to.tell me its not happening but it is I have put tape on doors did the paper trick and found my assumptions are facts.

I now have a camera but since they are evicting me it has stopped and I still believe they know now I have a camera deer kind set up while i sleep when I do and that's more exhaustion and sleep deprivation and I fall out but still wake up shaking like a leaf in dismay thoughts clouded and a frenzy of other issues. I cant.afford to move and to where. I have applied for other places but no calls yet and I only make 833 per month. I just can't bare sleeping in my car again but even then that felt safer than family and I have no real friends I can trust just feel so lost all the time.

 

[brenda3333333]

How do I add myself?

 

[Sargonnas]

Wow Brenda my heart bleeds for you and the situation you are currently experiencing. OK as for the family thing, just because they are family it doesn't give them the right to walk all over you. The reason they do that is because you let them, it sounds like you have very low self esteem and that is most likely due to the events that have happened during your time on this earth. As for the abuse you suffered as a child I would recommend finding therapy to help you move on. Now I know you don't want to sleep in you car but it sounds way safer then where you are now. I mean if you can't trust that someone may walk in at anytime then that must play havoc on your well being. You said you had a nephew that you had helped and that he sticks up for you when the family have nothing good to say. Would that be a option for you? And from my own experience, family isn't everything it's only blood that binds you. So now we need to come up with a game plan. First is your safety and how long you have before you are evicted. This will give us a time line to have housing sorted, are you on the pension Brenda or working? can you get any financial add from the government?

 

[anthony]

How do I add myself?

Register

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!

Told I just had to much on my plate by first ss psychologist had no therapy cant find a psychiatrist that takes state and Medicare where do you go what do you do

Do you have a primary care doctor? They may be able to connect you to a psychiatrist or a case manager who then can help find a psychiatrist. It can be really hard to find one that takes Medicaid.