General "secondary gain"???

[Sunshine71]

Hi guys
This evening I had a chat with a lovely lady who works with army PTSD sufferers.... my hubbie isn't in the army however she wants to help if she can.
She said she finds out if there is a "secondary gain" to the person having PTSD and this hit the nail on the head for me. I feel my hubbie can get away with more... walk around in what I feel is an aggressive manner ... not be around me and our son as its too much for him.... I feel he will lose himself if "got better" even though this isn't what he says.

I wondered if anyone resonated with this??

With love sunshine x

 

[anonymous]

Secondary gain exists IMHO in part because those around us have piss poor boundaries. We've been working in a boundary-less world our whole lives and we seek out those who are the same as what we've already known.

Want to remove secondary gain? Set and enforce boundaries.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Is all that a gain though? Being pissed off all the time and not being able to be around his loved ones because of his stress response? I think that sounds pretty horrible myself.

Now if he was getting out of his share of the child rearing duties and not helping you manage any of the household duties on a day to day basis when he is managing well, I'd call "secondary gain." If he uses his PTSD as an excuse to be a jerk or get away with bad behavior... totally.

Hmmm... things to ponder.