Secondary Traumas

[Tuwav]

I honor moms as moms, but there's no doubt if you're single or don't have kids you take a lot of flack (I have) mostly from women of how defective I am, how selfish, and what I'm missing. I've taken care of others most of my life, mostly not selfish. Not selfish enough to pursue only what was for me, sometimes. Lots of others too well think or say therefore (their words) I must be a slut and self-centered and good for sex only. Rarely men but mostly women. It disturbs me most when they act one way in private to me but different in public. I don't know how to respond to that. Women with women can be awful.

What however I guess causes me pain is when you die they say: "wife, mother, sister, job" , relationships and career is identity and value. I don't want a funeral even if it were free, why bother.

To the OP I'm sorry for your pain.

 

[Hakih]

Tuwav here, here's a silver lining to this. Never had a man say a stupid comment, and never call me selfish. They say instead women like you aren't single or let's go get married.

Maybe some women feel invalidated or unappreciated, or surprised by the work of motherhood or the ingratitude of children?

I hope you won't let it be a constant reminder of the abuse & remembering the past. Because that's what hurts. The difference that is why the minority. They don't understand. Their focus is narrow.

 

[Lapos]

hmmm ill never really understand why it's women who say these things. Judgmental, critical, patronising - Sometimes scarily mean.
I used to feel safe with other women - not so any more. That makes me feel sad too.
its a strange world! I didn't expect to be so judged on my ability to have children! It seems so crazy!

 

[Nera]

I don't want a funeral either!!