Seeing A New Doctor For Counsel And Medication

[MomOfTwo]

I am seeing a new doctor that my therapist recommended. I was lucky to get on her list because she has a long wait list. She called me this week to say she was making an appointment with me for next week. I am a bit nervous. She is sending me some forms in the mail and wants me to think of objectives for therapy.

I have never been asked to write down objectives. I have no idea. I want more sleep but think therapy probably won't help that. I want to not be fearful. I want to feel safe. I am not sure. Has anyone else created an objective list? She also wants me to buy a three ring book for writing things down in. I hate journalling but maybe she wants it for something else. I am not sure. I do write poetry sometimes to help me sort things out in my head but that is it.

I am probably going to be put on another medication and I am really not a big medication person and would rather be off of them to be truthful. Maybe an objective I can have is to have daily interactions with people without medication. The only medications that I would find hard to give up are the sleeping pills. No antidepressant has helped with my anxiety. Most of them make it worse and most of them make my insomnia worse. I don't want to be put on other drugs that make me gain a lot of weight. I struggle with eating disorders and know I just would not eat then.

I also hope that this does not mean I don't get to see my therapist. I do feel like I can trust her but do not feel 'safe' completely. I hate the thoughts of having to re-hash as well with someone new. I am not sure if they want to diagnose me again either. I have been diagnosed as chronic PTSD by the last two psychiatrists so not sure if there is anything else that she may add.

She will probably say I am anorexic because my bmi is 17.7 which is considered underweight. My therapist at last session asked me what my bmi was and I did not know so I googled it. I don't care right now. It helps me cope and I feel better and safer when I am thinner. It may not make sense to most people or therapists but it helps me cope with stuff when stuff is too much. My dad told me he was really worried about me because he had not seen me for a few months and thought I lost too much weight. I thought he would be happy or proud of me. I have forgiven him for everything but as a child he would restrict my food and water and I was always underweight because of it. It is my mom I have difficulty forgiving because she continues to be abusive to me. My dad does not and has changed. They say people don't change but my experience at least with my dad contradicts that.

Thanks for listening......

 

[safenow]

Has anyone else created an objective list?

Major on my list is feeling safe and not being afraid. I also hate medications and anti-depressants depress me even more. I believe the notebook might be for writing down different things to help with those two areas. That is what mine did for me. Plus, he used to work on my issues when I wasn't there, then give me notes when I'd go in the next time.

I used to struggle with "anorexia" and was inpatient for a little while I learned what to do about that. I still drink protein drinks to be sure I stay on the safe side. Not all the time, just when I feel I need them. I started off life with malnutrition (I was 2 pounds when I was born ) and then as I got about 5 years old, I had protein malnutrition (I was a feral child for a year and a half) and almost died from it. I still have bone problems from that malnutrition.

The therapists who helped me the most are the ones who ask me questions like "What do you want help with?" Then, when I told them, they found ways to help me in those areas. Sounds like you have a therapist who thinks along those lines. You are very lucky to have her. You'll probably get help from both of them. Congrats to you.

Oh, by the way, if you put more sleep on that list, I can guarantee they will give you drugs.

 

[quaintpapercut]

Has anyone else created an objective list?

I've never done one. But for me my first objective would be establishing safety within the relationship. If the therapist wants to help me, first and foremost they need to be patient, and not try to push me to talk about things when I'm not ready.

If you don't want to take a new medication why don't you make that one of your goals? To learn coping mechanisms to help you interact with others without requiring the use of medication.

I think you should also be really upfront with the new therapist about your eating disorder. I would be really upfront and say I can't take any new medications that might cause me to gain weight as it will trigger my eating disorder. From reading your post it sounds like you already know what you want/need out of therapy. I think you might just need to feel more comfortable asking for it?

 

[Abstract]

It may not make sense to most people or therapists but it helps me cope with stuff when stuff is too much.

Hi MomofTwo,
Although I know it doesn't always happen anyone dealing with eating disorders should understand that. Your feelings on this are normal in context of having anorexia.

If your therapist is partially referring you because of the weight then it would be understandable. Not addressing it could be negligent of her. Because the illness is seductive and you can end up in a very deep hole very quickly and without realising it.

I thought he would be happy or proud of me.

he would restrict my food and water

It sounds like these things have become confused or attached to each other in the past. It seems your father does not like the fact that you are underweight and is concerned about your health and yet because you were abused as child by him in relation to food you expected him to be proud of you.

I fell into that thinking for the longest time. Thinking my parents wanted something from me and doing it would would protect me from harm and maybe even have them approve. Eventually (most of the time anyway) I realised that it was just mindgames. It didn't have a moral or other meaning and it was just simply wrong and should not have happened. And doing things to myself was not going to solve anything.

Maybe there is even the element of doing something to yourself before someone else does it to you and therefore feeling you are in control. But sadly control is the biggest lie in eating disorders as we are not in control and it controls us. And that can lead to very very bad situations.

I am assuming he is a psychiatrist. I hope you manage to write out your list as it sounds like a great way to communicate to him where you are and what you need.

 

[MomOfTwo]

I've never done one. But for me my first objective would be establishing safety within the relationship.
If you don't want to take a new medication why don't you make that one of your goals?

I think you should also be really upfront with the new therapist about your eating disorder. I would be really upfront and say I can't take any new medications that might cause me to gain weight as it will trigger my eating disorder. From reading your post it sounds like you already know what you want/need out of therapy. I think you might just need to feel more comfortable asking for it?

Thanks for your suggestions and I think you are right about kind of knowing what I want from therapy and the medication thing is where I just don't care to take another antidepressant. Right now I am taking Wellbutrin and so far it has not created as much side effects as the rest I have taken. I received a letter today of authorization from her so she can talk to my doctor or therapist and previous psychiatrist. My therapist told me she does not like to authorize anything without my approval so I am not sure what information will be exchanged. I was upfront with my doctor and that is why he put me on Wellbutrin because it does not cause weight gain. I struggled with an eating disorder many years ago and he helped me get treatment in a outpatient group.

Major on my list is feeling safe and not being afraid.


The therapists who helped me the most are the ones who ask me questions like "What do you want help with?" Then, when I told them, they found ways to help me in those areas. Sounds like you have a therapist who thinks along those lines. You are very lucky to have her. You'll probably get help from both of them. Congrats to you.

Oh, by the way, if you put more sleep on that list, I can guarantee they will give you drugs.

I struggle the most with feeling safe as well (Safenow). I have a hard time getting to sleep and a hard time staying asleep. I am sorry you had to go through what you did and have physical problems because of it.

 

[MomOfTwo]

Hi MomofTwo,
Although I know it doesn't always happen anyone dealing with eating disorders should understand that. Your feelings on this are normal in context of having anorexia.

If your therapist is partially referring you because of the weight then it would be understandable. Not addressing it could be negligent of her. Because the illness is seductive and you can end up in a very deep hole very quickly and without realising it.

It sounds like these things have become confused or attached to each other in the past. It seems your father does not like the fact that you are underweight and is concerned about your health and yet because you were abused as child by him in relation to food you expected him to be proud of you.
But sadly control is the biggest lie in eating disorders as we are not in control and it controls us. And that can lead to very very bad situations.

I am assuming he is a psychiatrist. I hope you manage to write out your list as it sounds like a great way to communicate to him where you are and what you need.

My understanding is she is a medical doctor but specializes in psychiatry. She has her MD and other letters beside her name. I was very surprised that my dad was worried about me. He is very thin too and I have always been thin but not this thin for so long. My aunt emailed me to tell me he was very worried. I do love him and think in many ways I still seek his approval and do not want to dishonor him or say bad things about him in therapy because he has changed.

I appreciate all your insight Abstract and hearing about your successes with dealing with some of the struggles I am currently going through. I am sorry you had to deal with a lot of the same issues.

There is a bit of a 'high' I think I get from not eating or controlling my intake of food. I feel stressed out if I eat 3 times a day. I always have but would push through those feelings while I was in recovery. I think sometimes it is a way to say no to life. I sometimes just want my life to be over and be at peace. My grandfather died a year ago and I was so close to him and I have not gotten over his death and my dog died this summer. I think it was after my dog died that I started restricting to the point that I was hardly eating anything. I felt so guilty putting my dog down but he was so sick with cancer and suffering so bad.

When I was a teen my grandmother was dying of cancer and I spent the last night with her and during her last moments I could not say goodbye. I was not ready to say goodbye and I never cried when she died. I felt guilty but know I was just numb from feeling anything back then. Now I feel things too much and I think that is where my feelings are right now is that I just cannot tolerate these feelings. It is unchartered territory for me and maybe not eating takes the focus off of things if that makes sense.

My friends were over for the weekend and had not seen me since the summer and they were telling me I was too thin as well. While I was eating they were sarcastic and said that I probably was only doing that in front of them but would not otherwise. I do feel picked on a little bit by them. I told my husband that they both have weight issues as well and I do not pick on them for over-eating. It is more socially acceptable to criticize someone who is thin I guess. I do know that they do care but it is not really helpful.

 

[safenow]

do not want to dishonor him or say bad things about him in therapy because he has changed.

It's good that he has changed, but by not speaking in therapy about what happened between the two of you, you are not helping heal yourself. We all need to stand accountable for what we did in the past, even though we might have changed over the years. I am old now, and I am willing to answer for all the things I did in the past. I have changed, but I know that I have probably done harm to others even when I didn't know it. I've tried to make amends to those I knew about. If they ever went to the therapy, I pray they were able to release the whatever I caused to them.

It is not a dishonor to speak truth.

 

[MomOfTwo]

I saw my therapist today and she told me that I can decide if I want to see her while I see the doctor. I said yes for now. I am just more comfortable with her.

She told me that she had talked with this doctor and the doctor had told her what she wanted to work with me on and the thing is I have forgotten everything she said. I have no recollection. I remember her lips moving but no idea what she said. She did ask me about sleeping and I told her I don't sleep well at all. I told her last night I went to bed at 11:00pm and I did not fall asleep until around 3:00am and was awake at 5:00am and got back to sleep and was up at 7:00am. I am fearful of nightmares but not just that just am fearful.

I really hate medications and trying new ones. I had so many side effects with them. I hated having headaches and I remember on one being so angry and another suicidal and agitated.

I think my worry about sharing so many terrible things about how terrible my father was Safenow is that I am going through a legal case right now and I don't want some of my personal private details out there for the general public. Everything you say to your therapist can become part of your defendants case. I do say many things that happened though. My therapist asked me if any authorities every intervened and I told her no.

 

[MissMacD]

I was you about three months ago MomOfTwo - I was hesitant to take any medication but my breaking point came after a few months of very little sleep. There are plenty of low dose medications you can take even short term while you are in therapy which can do wonders for sleeping and your peace of mind. I completely understand about trying new medications - I have been on almost every drug on the market. There is nothing shameful in taking a medication to help you sleep. It is no different than taking insulin if your body cannot produce enough of it on it's own.

The simple fact of getting more sleep has made everything a bit more bearable and as a result I am eating better and am able to make more progress in therapy.

I want to get better and as a result I will try just about anything to recover from my trauma. I am tired of it ruling my life and ruining the good things. I want my life back.