I'm writing a message to my combat PTSD "sufferer" who has backed away from me and I'm hoping to ask if any members who also have PTSD would be willing to give me their insights about some things I'd like to tell him. If you're a middle-aged male vet with combat PTSD, that's what he is, so demographically that might be especially helpful to me. But I've learned to respect that, while every "sufferer" is an individual, in a basic neurological sense PTSD seems to be PTSD, so I'd be very grateful to hear from anyone of any age, gender and kind of diagnosis. If you are able to help me think through my words to him, please send me a PM and I'll share specifics.
He broke up with me around Labor Day this year and we've had only brief contact since. We've been seeing one another on and off over about the last 2 years, and each time we've become a little more serious, he breaks up again. Every time he breaks things off, it's shortly after some major milestone seems to have passed in our relationship, such as him telling me he loves me, or telling me he wants a future together. In my letter, I want to be supportive, helpful, gentle, positive, and non-demanding while also letting him know that I'm very sorry about my own previous misunderstandings of how his PTSD was affecting him and our relationship.
There are some specific things I think I want to tell him, but I'm not sure how they might sound to him. That's why I'd be so appreciative of any insights that any of you who actually know this from the inside can offer. He's in his 50s, with diagnosed combat PTSD from the 1st Gulf War, and it's something we've never really talked about. I don't even know the extent of any therapy he might have had, he only mentioned his PTSD diagnosis briefly to me with the implication that it was something in his past. I never even realized PTSD could be behind some of his really puzzling behaviors with me until I came across this forum and suddenly so many things fell into place. I know now that I made mistakes in how I handled some things. This forum has been my main source of education, so I've gone from almost no knowledge about PTSD to feeling like I know a lot, but am now starting to doubt my abilities to "apply" what I've learned to my own situation when I actually message him.
I have no expectations that anyone here will be able to give me a definitive answer, and I take complete responsibility for what I end up sending him--I just feel a real need to minimize the chance of offending or hurting him further if I happen to say something unhelpful by mistake. I've learned so much from what I've read on here over the last few weeks, and I'm often incredibly moved by the helpfulness, and the tough love, too, that everyone has shown each other. That's what I'm looking for. Thank you in advance to anyone in a position to offer me what insights you can.
If you think you can help, please just send me a PM and I'll let you know the specific things I'm concerned about--they're not embarassingly personal, but just specific enough that I'm more comfortable talking about them privately. Thank you again!
He broke up with me around Labor Day this year and we've had only brief contact since. We've been seeing one another on and off over about the last 2 years, and each time we've become a little more serious, he breaks up again. Every time he breaks things off, it's shortly after some major milestone seems to have passed in our relationship, such as him telling me he loves me, or telling me he wants a future together. In my letter, I want to be supportive, helpful, gentle, positive, and non-demanding while also letting him know that I'm very sorry about my own previous misunderstandings of how his PTSD was affecting him and our relationship.
There are some specific things I think I want to tell him, but I'm not sure how they might sound to him. That's why I'd be so appreciative of any insights that any of you who actually know this from the inside can offer. He's in his 50s, with diagnosed combat PTSD from the 1st Gulf War, and it's something we've never really talked about. I don't even know the extent of any therapy he might have had, he only mentioned his PTSD diagnosis briefly to me with the implication that it was something in his past. I never even realized PTSD could be behind some of his really puzzling behaviors with me until I came across this forum and suddenly so many things fell into place. I know now that I made mistakes in how I handled some things. This forum has been my main source of education, so I've gone from almost no knowledge about PTSD to feeling like I know a lot, but am now starting to doubt my abilities to "apply" what I've learned to my own situation when I actually message him.
I have no expectations that anyone here will be able to give me a definitive answer, and I take complete responsibility for what I end up sending him--I just feel a real need to minimize the chance of offending or hurting him further if I happen to say something unhelpful by mistake. I've learned so much from what I've read on here over the last few weeks, and I'm often incredibly moved by the helpfulness, and the tough love, too, that everyone has shown each other. That's what I'm looking for. Thank you in advance to anyone in a position to offer me what insights you can.
If you think you can help, please just send me a PM and I'll let you know the specific things I'm concerned about--they're not embarassingly personal, but just specific enough that I'm more comfortable talking about them privately. Thank you again!
