Seeking support

[Mee]

?Berlinda, I love that photo. I take lots of photos with my phone too. I particularly love taking photos of the sky. Other people look st my photos and joke that I drop my phone all the time And then look confused when I say those are the photos I took on purpose ;)

For support I use T, my husband, my close friend when she is able, and reading around issues to try and build support from a body of both knowledge and record of emotional experiences of others. And here. Increasingly I am listening to myself ( right now I am ok but just below top of my stress cup after an incident a couple of weeks ago ) I have learnt reading things like diaries of others is not good for me at this stage. When I am I. A safer state it’s helpful and thought provoking as well as a good thing to be able to support others ; now it’s just a stressor too far.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks @TruthSeeker I've not got family to go to either. I've a brother but he's not generally supportive. I'm glad you've a good friend to go to :) I think I need to learn how better to ask for support and I guess this is a step.

Thanks @Mee the same happens with my photos :D I like taking photos of whatever takes my interest and sometimes people react just the same way. Don't really mind, different strokes isn't it.

I'm glad you've supportive people to go to and I find this place invaluable. Understandable to not read diaries if they ate too much right now. Good decision.

I don't really have anyone to go to, there's a friend I message with and I value that very much. And I hope to have more friendships in the future too. Have been finding it scary not to really have much in the way of supportive others lately but I hope to work on it going forward.

 

[Wendell_R]

Support has been hard for me for years, but I am getting better. I have my wife for most things, and my therapist that I trust with just about everything. I have an old high school friend that I have gotten re-acquainted with. I have a friend from here who is no longer a member. But the high school friend and the forum friend are just email. I do not have so many people in real life. As I have learned more about my dissociative identities, I understand now that it really is hard to find a friend that I can really disclose that to. So I do not get down on myself that I do not have so many really close friends.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I wish I was down the block from you B, I'd offer to take you out for tea/coffee and talk. Asking for support/help is really difficult, so impressed you started this thread. As you say this is a good step in the right direction.

I hope you feel better and doing enjoyable things. I know it's late over there, maybe the sun of the morning will bring warm feelings.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks @Wendell_R yeah, support is hard for me too. I think the c-PTSD makes for difficulties with relationships too and as you say opening up about our stuff with others isn't always appropriate or goes down well. I think it's wise and shows good care for yourself not to get down on yourself for it. I'm getting better at doing that.

I'm.glad you have your wife, T and a couple friends too. I'm hoping to make friends irl that have similar issues to me too.

And thanks @MrMoonlight ♡ That would be lovely to go for a cuppa and natter, would be lovely to meet you. Thanks for the support too, much appreciated :)

 

[Mee]

Re ‘real life’ my best friend is not in the same country as me. I’m very glad for messenger apps. We chat that way throughout the day. Same with DH . They are real people. Certainly it’s frustrating when we aren’t able to help practically when that is needed.

Making friends IS tough. I shed lots of friends and acquaintances at the onset of ptsd and while I miss some aspects of having a fuller friendship circle my trust in others makes it impossible really. I went out to see friends last night and liked it but felt ‘outside’ and ok with that; it feels safer..

If I were to try making friends now though I would go to meet up groups for something I had an interest in and do some volunteering for something that is ‘safe’ feeling; community gardening or litter clearing for example. But I am feeling fairly like it’s easier for ME to like people from a distance ?. berlinda, I’m sorry you are struggling - you seem like a lovely person. Reaching out to ask is always sI courageous.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Thanks @TruthSeeker I've not got family to go to either. I've a brother but he's not generally supportive. I'm glad you've a good friend to go to :) I think I need to learn how better to ask for support and I guess this is a step.

Thanks @Mee the same happens with my photos :D I like taking photos of whatever takes my interest and sometimes people react just the same way. Don't really mind, different strokes isn't it.

I'm glad you've supportive people to go to and I find this place invaluable. Understandable to not read diaries if they ate too much right now. Good decision.

I don't really have anyone to go to, there's a friend I message with and I value that very much. And I hope to have more friendships in the future too. Have been finding it scary not to really have much in the way of supportive others lately but I hope to work on it going forward.

I have met all friends through group activities that I have a personal investment in. I learned to play the recorder many years ago, and people I have played with came to my house once a month.....I met my best friend there 18 years ago....finding a special friend that you have something in common with is worth the look and the wait. I believe fate makes good friends (but I found they were hard to find isolated in my bedroom)....This was the only activity and people my now x husband allowed at the house, without getting verbally abused.....and sometimes he still did. Most of us still gather, and play, and we now go 3 times a year. If your thing is art, go somewhere and take art lessons....until you find a good fit. Clubs aren't my thing, but I do now go to the nature photography club once a month. I have expressed my gratitude towards these friends....and they in a way, saved my sanity in an insane situation. So, now I kinda see and treat my friends as though they were my family.....particularly my best friend...but that took time, and effort....reciprocity maybe a good word....friendship doesn't grow in a vacuum.

 

[ladee]

I find asking for help very very difficult, even after all these years. But I can come here, sometimes, and at least let others know what is going on. I do have friends, my circle is much smaller as I've gotten older as I have less tolerance for BS. But it is still hard for me to even realize I might need to let someone in on what is swirling thru my brain. But they have to have already earned that trust.

Very excited you have started this thread B, as I know from reading you all this time, this is very hard for you. You are a very valued member of this forum whether you believe that or not. So letting you know I am here for you, just let me know. Or, I might just volunteer some unsolicited support sometimes, because that's what we do here. Heart hugs B!!

 

[Lionheart]

Hi, @berlinda

I usually go to my "T" or my forum friends for support. But when I have support from people I don't always know what to do with it, how to accept it, how to assimilate it, how to trust it. So I think it is incredible that you posted this thread.

I sometimes get mind fog and get sidetracked by the issues I am juggling and forget to thank those that have offered me suggestions, insights, experiences, etc. I can be awkward and clumsy, .so I'm not a social butterfly by any means... I don't always know the right things to say. However, I do speak from my heart, I am genuine and sincere and really want to be helpful. So this is me offering my support. I hope you won't hesitate to call on me and I am happy that you chose to ask for support. :)

Peace, love, and light,
Lion

 

[Teasel]

Aww @ladee & @Lionheart777 thank you both :hug:

 

[ladee]

Lots of heart hugs to you B. You have made some hard earned progress. Very honored to be a member of your tribe.

 

[Ellabella44]

My facebook is private with just a small group of mostly my husbands family, a few friends and my brother and his wife. Because one of my nieces talks about her struggles with mental illness I started talking about mine with complex ptsd. She's right we need to talk about mental health more. I discovered who is going to stay to support me. My step sisters blocked me. I found out when one of their boyfriends said to an unknown person I couldn't see that he kept me around for controversy. Yeah I'm not that so I blocked him. Their father used yardsticks on me and broke them, then took me with him to get a new one. Among other things with other family members. ( just to tell you why they blocked me)

Those that have stayed know some of what happened. That I was not ok at all two weekends ago when I came back here.
I do this partly because of my nice and the rest of the reason is to put a face on cptsd. Anyone who knows me well now knows that someone they know has this. Mental health is an issue that has an impact on them with a face on it.

Another thing is I feel we loose people because nobody talks about it. After someone has lost to this its "oh they seemed happy yesterday I had no idea that this is what was really going on" being silent and not asking for support even if its just a hug emoji only makes me feel more alone with this.