There are so many good responses here. I am a sufferer. Before ptsd, I was energetic and positive. I was an extravert and a great listener. I always had much to share as well, and the ability to make others feel comfortable and laugh. Having ptsd has robbed me of all of those qualities-I still possess them somewhere in me, but Im tired and preoccupied. Every once in awhile I need human contact and attend something or visit with friends. It takes a lot of energy as I dont want to be a downer.
I have been in relationships and they failed because of both of us. Others have baggage as well. I fear someone having too much control over me, I fear hurting someone. So there is a dance of pursue and withdraw. Sometimes and some days I may see the good in me and want to spend time with them, the next day I feel like I have nothing to offer and will leave them hurt. I feel that I wont be able to live up to their expectations. Im not in a relationship and this is primarily why, it is not that I have not had opportunity.
I lived with my husband for 17 yrs without ptsd symptoms. We rarely argued until the very end. I did not say things that were below the belt or hurtful. I did not nag about his shortcomings or things that I felt hurt about. It seems like about every 6 months or so, the same issues re-surfaced because he really was not that into me. It was not about me, he is just lazy in the relationship area. We would discuss issues and come to a resolution, such as help with housework. It would last a couple weeks and then back to the same old. Like I said, I didnt nag. I never wanted to diminish anyone elses self worth with criticism. Since having ptsd, I have found that my words can be a bit cruel. I do not have the tolerance or patience at times. So I am better without being in a relationship until I can fix myself. Yet I get asked out, tempted once in awhile, but then the person wants a relationship and starts making lots of contact. I feel smothered very easy.
In a relationship, the other asks what you did today. I cant really answer because I think I spend hours dissociating or playing games on facebook. Being a 54 yr old woman and playing computer games and not being employed makes me feel like I have to hide what I do, make up a lie, or just not answer. I dont like that feeling so I cant be in a relationship fully. It seems cruel to me to lead someone on. But I have tried before and thats what I call the dance of pursue and withdraw. Hope this makes some sense.
As far as brothers girl friend, I agree, no expectation there, no stress.
I have been in relationships and they failed because of both of us. Others have baggage as well. I fear someone having too much control over me, I fear hurting someone. So there is a dance of pursue and withdraw. Sometimes and some days I may see the good in me and want to spend time with them, the next day I feel like I have nothing to offer and will leave them hurt. I feel that I wont be able to live up to their expectations. Im not in a relationship and this is primarily why, it is not that I have not had opportunity.
I lived with my husband for 17 yrs without ptsd symptoms. We rarely argued until the very end. I did not say things that were below the belt or hurtful. I did not nag about his shortcomings or things that I felt hurt about. It seems like about every 6 months or so, the same issues re-surfaced because he really was not that into me. It was not about me, he is just lazy in the relationship area. We would discuss issues and come to a resolution, such as help with housework. It would last a couple weeks and then back to the same old. Like I said, I didnt nag. I never wanted to diminish anyone elses self worth with criticism. Since having ptsd, I have found that my words can be a bit cruel. I do not have the tolerance or patience at times. So I am better without being in a relationship until I can fix myself. Yet I get asked out, tempted once in awhile, but then the person wants a relationship and starts making lots of contact. I feel smothered very easy.
In a relationship, the other asks what you did today. I cant really answer because I think I spend hours dissociating or playing games on facebook. Being a 54 yr old woman and playing computer games and not being employed makes me feel like I have to hide what I do, make up a lie, or just not answer. I dont like that feeling so I cant be in a relationship fully. It seems cruel to me to lead someone on. But I have tried before and thats what I call the dance of pursue and withdraw. Hope this makes some sense.
As far as brothers girl friend, I agree, no expectation there, no stress.
