Agent_Ourange
New Here
So the past two weeks have really tough for me due to work and hormonal stuff (really stressful times right before my period can exaggerate my mood swings/emotions).
Struggling through my own work and supervising three other people at the same time has felt like pulling my own teeth out. It takes forever for me to begin a task and every little thing seems to be difficult. I'm sure if I was in an average state (not too bad, not amazing) these little things wouldn't bother me. Last night I couldn't connect at all with my husband, I had pulled an all nighter earlier this week and hadn't really recovered sleep wise.
I'm a very light sleeper with chronic insomnia issues for the past two years so sometimes I go sleep in our spare bedroom when it's very important for me to get some sleep with the least amount of interruptions.
The side effect from sleeping in a separate room is that is puts quite a bit of distance emotionally between him and I. Saturday morning I'm awake at 8:30 and ready to do anything really. Unfortunately he'll be asleep for most of the day because he doesn't really sleep at night. I won't get to see him at all for today and I've just been moping around the house for the past two hours feeling shitty about everything. I think at one point I was laying on the kitchen floor and wishing I wasn't so bored and lonely.
Somehow I fed the cats and made my way down to the computer with my vaporizer. I was mindlessly browning Imgur, scrolling through a "word porn" dump when I read "One day she finally grasped that unexpected things were always going to happen in life. And with that she realized the only control she had was how she choose to handle them. So she made the decision to survive using courage, humor, and grace. She was the queen of her own life and the choice was hers. - Lupthya Hermin"
This quote immediately reminded me of something my dad said to me ad nauseam growing up that was very similar. "Agent, you can't control the actions of others around you, you can only control your reactions." As a kid I reacted to things I didn't like by lashing out with my hands or whatever was nearby. Luckily my brother older brother hit me so hard it left a bruise for weeks when I was 15 and I decided that hitting other people wasn't a good idea anymore if that would happen again.
So instead of sitting here feeling shitty and having a shitty day, I'm going to play some Final Fantasy 14 (gotta get dat Anima Weapon, maybe talk to my friend who went the PAX East last weekend and enjoy a day where I can goof off and have fun, and if hubby wakes up we might get to have some dinner and maybe play with the animals.
It's hard to switch from negative thoughts to positive ones, but as I'm sitting here typing this, I'm really really glad I jumped on Imgur and read someone's positive words. I'll be tucking this strategy in my head and saving that Imgur link (and other positive things I find on the internet) for the future.
For some reason I can't post the Imgur Link here, so PM me if you want it.
Struggling through my own work and supervising three other people at the same time has felt like pulling my own teeth out. It takes forever for me to begin a task and every little thing seems to be difficult. I'm sure if I was in an average state (not too bad, not amazing) these little things wouldn't bother me. Last night I couldn't connect at all with my husband, I had pulled an all nighter earlier this week and hadn't really recovered sleep wise.
I'm a very light sleeper with chronic insomnia issues for the past two years so sometimes I go sleep in our spare bedroom when it's very important for me to get some sleep with the least amount of interruptions.
The side effect from sleeping in a separate room is that is puts quite a bit of distance emotionally between him and I. Saturday morning I'm awake at 8:30 and ready to do anything really. Unfortunately he'll be asleep for most of the day because he doesn't really sleep at night. I won't get to see him at all for today and I've just been moping around the house for the past two hours feeling shitty about everything. I think at one point I was laying on the kitchen floor and wishing I wasn't so bored and lonely.
Somehow I fed the cats and made my way down to the computer with my vaporizer. I was mindlessly browning Imgur, scrolling through a "word porn" dump when I read "One day she finally grasped that unexpected things were always going to happen in life. And with that she realized the only control she had was how she choose to handle them. So she made the decision to survive using courage, humor, and grace. She was the queen of her own life and the choice was hers. - Lupthya Hermin"
This quote immediately reminded me of something my dad said to me ad nauseam growing up that was very similar. "Agent, you can't control the actions of others around you, you can only control your reactions." As a kid I reacted to things I didn't like by lashing out with my hands or whatever was nearby. Luckily my brother older brother hit me so hard it left a bruise for weeks when I was 15 and I decided that hitting other people wasn't a good idea anymore if that would happen again.
So instead of sitting here feeling shitty and having a shitty day, I'm going to play some Final Fantasy 14 (gotta get dat Anima Weapon, maybe talk to my friend who went the PAX East last weekend and enjoy a day where I can goof off and have fun, and if hubby wakes up we might get to have some dinner and maybe play with the animals.
It's hard to switch from negative thoughts to positive ones, but as I'm sitting here typing this, I'm really really glad I jumped on Imgur and read someone's positive words. I'll be tucking this strategy in my head and saving that Imgur link (and other positive things I find on the internet) for the future.
For some reason I can't post the Imgur Link here, so PM me if you want it.
