ninecatlives
New Here
Greetings everyone, and may the force of healing be with you!
Doctor YouTube, through its mysterious algorithm, presented some videos over Cptsd to me. From the first one that described symptoms and possible causes, I thought OMG, all the unexplained episodes in my life when my rational brain seemed to go AWOL, now make perfect sense. One thing, one symptom really struck me: survivors think they are this way, they were born this way and this is the way they are wired. So true. Having a diagnostic all of a sudden opened the possibility of a cure, of doing something about it, even at the tender age of 59.
I had 18 years (from 1 year old to 8 years of age) of physical abuse 4-5 times per week - heavy beatings and being slapped over the face I was not allowed to protect. This would go on for 2-3 hours per session. All accompanied by guilt-inducing verbal abuse, over things from 2-3 years past. Anyway, how could I have believed for the whole of my life that this did not affect me at all, and it was all in the past, I cannot conceive now after the realization of what I am carrying inside?
It has surfaced in insidious ways every time I had a major financial decision to make, shutting down my brain and putting me in a high emotional state that messed up my thinking and decisions. Same for relationships. Rescue fantasy is-was a particularly strong fantasy for me.
Trying to do all I can to get myself out of my own mental traps. I have seen psychologists, not many and not for a long time because they were not trained in CPTSD, and I could see they were concentrating on the wrong things. I have seen psychiatrists, and they diagnosed me with major depression and prescribed SNRI pills (desvenlafaxine) which I did not take.
I was born in Europe, I lived in the UK for more than thirty years, and I am based in Brazil, close to the Amazon these days.
The journey goes on!
Doctor YouTube, through its mysterious algorithm, presented some videos over Cptsd to me. From the first one that described symptoms and possible causes, I thought OMG, all the unexplained episodes in my life when my rational brain seemed to go AWOL, now make perfect sense. One thing, one symptom really struck me: survivors think they are this way, they were born this way and this is the way they are wired. So true. Having a diagnostic all of a sudden opened the possibility of a cure, of doing something about it, even at the tender age of 59.
I had 18 years (from 1 year old to 8 years of age) of physical abuse 4-5 times per week - heavy beatings and being slapped over the face I was not allowed to protect. This would go on for 2-3 hours per session. All accompanied by guilt-inducing verbal abuse, over things from 2-3 years past. Anyway, how could I have believed for the whole of my life that this did not affect me at all, and it was all in the past, I cannot conceive now after the realization of what I am carrying inside?
It has surfaced in insidious ways every time I had a major financial decision to make, shutting down my brain and putting me in a high emotional state that messed up my thinking and decisions. Same for relationships. Rescue fantasy is-was a particularly strong fantasy for me.
Trying to do all I can to get myself out of my own mental traps. I have seen psychologists, not many and not for a long time because they were not trained in CPTSD, and I could see they were concentrating on the wrong things. I have seen psychiatrists, and they diagnosed me with major depression and prescribed SNRI pills (desvenlafaxine) which I did not take.
I was born in Europe, I lived in the UK for more than thirty years, and I am based in Brazil, close to the Amazon these days.
The journey goes on!